Anonymous wrote:OP: stop treating body image issues, skewed perceptions of beauty and acceptance, and health concerns like they are exclusively "women's troubles."

There's my PSA for *you.*

-loving sister of an anorexic brother in recovery

I am just speaking to my experience as a woman. I'm sure men have issues with these things, but I've never had a man try to shame me over food or weight. That's why I directed my comment at women -- because I am speaking specifically to the phenomenon of women infecting each other with these attitudes.

I am sorry to hear about your brother and wish him a healthy and strong recovery.

Yes, people have different body shapes. However, "overweight/obese" is not a body shape, it is a medical aliment.

Skinny does not mean healthy, of course. But being overweight is ALWAYS unhealthy. There is no way to spin it. The health consequences of excess weight can be delayed or gradual, but they will eventually catch up with you.

Anonymous wrote:Can you stop eating lunch with the work people?

It all sounds strange. Most people are not like this. Even the rich white ladies. I am one and know a lot of them.

I also think, and I say this nicely, things like this only truly bother you if you have unresolved issues yourself. If you didn’t, you would just eat your big ol sandwich with bread and your salad with dressing and laugh and not think about the stupid shut they are saying again.

*shit

Can you stop eating lunch with the work people?

It all sounds strange. Most people are not like this. Even the rich white ladies. I am one and know a lot of them.

I also think, and I say this nicely, things like this only truly bother you if you have unresolved issues yourself. If you didn’t, you would just eat your big ol sandwich with bread and your salad with dressing and laugh and not think about the stupid shut they are saying again.

Halloween candy guilt?

Anonymous wrote:So if you don’t know if this happens in other racial groups, why bring that as an element at all?

Because I don't want to generalize about all women. I am being honest about the fact that this is my experience as a white, UMC woman with other white, UMC women. I haven't made it about race (you are doing that). I was just specific about my experience and I am cognizant of different attitudes towards food and eating among different racial groups.

OP: stop treating body image issues, skewed perceptions of beauty and acceptance, and health concerns like they are exclusively "women's troubles."

There's my PSA for *you.*

-loving sister of an anorexic brother in recovery

So if you don’t know if this happens in other racial groups, why bring that as an element at all?

It sounds like you are upset that you are a bit overweight.
But, I agree that this skinny culture is extremely unhealthy. FIL asked me how much are European women(cause I am from Europe) obsessed with working out and being skinny. I told him that until I moved to the U.S. not a single person, male or female ever talked to me or that I hear them obsess otherwise about their weight. I don't understand this need to promote a skinny look in the U.S.
(of course, I told FIL that I can't possibly speak for all of Europe! Just for the people I know.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people can only want to lose weight if it’s “affecting their heart health, causing joint problems, or limiting their mobility and ability to live active lives.”? So people can only try to lose weight when you approve of it? This is weird.

People can do what they want with their own bodies. But passing off your restrictive fad diet as “eating healthy” and criticizing others who don’t have your same disordered eating patterns (or don’t exercise obsessively or take stimulants) is obnoxious.

... and had that been the point of the OP, most people would agree. To me she sounded just as disordered and delusional as the fad dieters.

I am the OP and this is indeed my point. I don’t have disordered eating issues. I eat relatively healthy while also indulging in foods that taste good to me and not worrying a lot about it. I am active and feel good, so I don’t view those indulgences as an issue. I am tired of judgmental comments from my sister, my mom, and a large group of colleagues, all of whom feel comfortable telling me how “bad” my diet is and will make comments about my “weird” food or accuse me of binging because I ate dessert. I feel incessantly judged for my eating habits, specifically because I’m not on some permanent restrictive diet, and a lot of the women in my life are.

NP here. You really need to voice this to those specific people. It’s bizarre that you have multiple people in your life telling you how unhealthy your food choices are. Do they seriously say this anytime you eat a cookie in front of them? I’m having a hard time imagining people commenting like that, unless you’re like, eating an entire birthday cake in front of them.

OP here. At work, I have been dealing with comments like this for over a year. It started out with little “wow, you really like to eat!” comments because I ack a lunch and a few snacks everyday. But then it argued into comments about the food itself. I eat salads a lot but like to put dressing on them, and they will comment about that as though an avocado dressing somehow counteracts the veggies in my salad. They comment on how much bread I consume because I ... eat sandwiches.

The truth is that they have done collective disordered eating issues. They are talk about food constantly and discuss all their fad diets all the time. Right now it’s intermittent fasting (thus the annoyance with me this week for consuming a Kit Kat outside THEIR eating window). They are acting like I am doing something gross (like eating an entire birthday cake) because, I presume, they are hungry and don’t like seeing me eating normal food. And they have been working together for a while and I think have a sort of cult like thing going on. They would say they “support” each other, but based on their nastiness towards me, I think it’s something else.

My mom and sister are easier to deal with normally, but I’m so tired of the constant dieting talk/judgment at work that I can’t deal with their BS anymore either.

It’s okay to have dessert. It’s okay to not be actively trying to lose weight. It’s okay to be a happy and healthy 135lb instead of a starved and obsessive 115.

If this is truly the kind of thing they comment on, it is just so outside the norm that you should feel free to disregard it entirely.

Anonymous wrote:So if you get this from your mom and sister, why is this a racial thing?

I am white and every woman I know who is like this is also white (and UMC). My workplace is diverse but it is the white ladies who obsess about food in this way. And they also seem to have more restrictive ideas about what a “healthy” body looks like. I don’t presume to speak for women of color. I have just noticed this is a real issue among groups of white women.

So if you get this from your mom and sister, why is this a racial thing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people can only want to lose weight if it’s “affecting their heart health, causing joint problems, or limiting their mobility and ability to live active lives.”? So people can only try to lose weight when you approve of it? This is weird.

People can do what they want with their own bodies. But passing off your restrictive fad diet as “eating healthy” and criticizing others who don’t have your same disordered eating patterns (or don’t exercise obsessively or take stimulants) is obnoxious.

... and had that been the point of the OP, most people would agree. To me she sounded just as disordered and delusional as the fad dieters.

I am the OP and this is indeed my point. I don’t have disordered eating issues. I eat relatively healthy while also indulging in foods that taste good to me and not worrying a lot about it. I am active and feel good, so I don’t view those indulgences as an issue. I am tired of judgmental comments from my sister, my mom, and a large group of colleagues, all of whom feel comfortable telling me how “bad” my diet is and will make comments about my “weird” food or accuse me of binging because I ate dessert. I feel incessantly judged for my eating habits, specifically because I’m not on some permanent restrictive diet, and a lot of the women in my life are.

NP here. You really need to voice this to those specific people. It’s bizarre that you have multiple people in your life telling you how unhealthy your food choices are. Do they seriously say this anytime you eat a cookie in front of them? I’m having a hard time imagining people commenting like that, unless you’re like, eating an entire birthday cake in front of them.

OP here. At work, I have been dealing with comments like this for over a year. It started out with little “wow, you really like to eat!” comments because I ack a lunch and a few snacks everyday. But then it argued into comments about the food itself. I eat salads a lot but like to put dressing on them, and they will comment about that as though an avocado dressing somehow counteracts the veggies in my salad. They comment on how much bread I consume because I ... eat sandwiches.

The truth is that they have done collective disordered eating issues. They are talk about food constantly and discuss all their fad diets all the time. Right now it’s intermittent fasting (thus the annoyance with me this week for consuming a Kit Kat outside THEIR eating window). They are acting like I am doing something gross (like eating an entire birthday cake) because, I presume, they are hungry and don’t like seeing me eating normal food. And they have been working together for a while and I think have a sort of cult like thing going on. They would say they “support” each other, but based on their nastiness towards me, I think it’s something else.

My mom and sister are easier to deal with normally, but I’m so tired of the constant dieting talk/judgment at work that I can’t deal with their BS anymore either.

It’s okay to have dessert. It’s okay to not be actively trying to lose weight. It’s okay to be a happy and healthy 135lb instead of a starved and obsessive 115.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people can only want to lose weight if it’s “affecting their heart health, causing joint problems, or limiting their mobility and ability to live active lives.”? So people can only try to lose weight when you approve of it? This is weird.

People can do what they want with their own bodies. But passing off your restrictive fad diet as “eating healthy” and criticizing others who don’t have your same disordered eating patterns (or don’t exercise obsessively or take stimulants) is obnoxious.

... and had that been the point of the OP, most people would agree. To me she sounded just as disordered and delusional as the fad dieters.

I am the OP and this is indeed my point. I don’t have disordered eating issues. I eat relatively healthy while also indulging in foods that taste good to me and not worrying a lot about it. I am active and feel good, so I don’t view those indulgences as an issue. I am tired of judgmental comments from my sister, my mom, and a large group of colleagues, all of whom feel comfortable telling me how “bad” my diet is and will make comments about my “weird” food or accuse me of binging because I ate dessert. I feel incessantly judged for my eating habits, specifically because I’m not on some permanent restrictive diet, and a lot of the women in my life are.

NP here. You really need to voice this to those specific people. It’s bizarre that you have multiple people in your life telling you how unhealthy your food choices are. Do they seriously say this anytime you eat a cookie in front of them? I’m having a hard time imagining people commenting like that, unless you’re like, eating an entire birthday cake in front of them.

^would NOT