Anonymous wrote:There is a small (but vocal) minority of cheated-upon wives who had an active sex life in their marriage.

But going by the numbers, the overwhelmingly large majority of male cheating is in a case of sexless/low sex marriage. OP did not mention her fabulous sex life (and still hasn't weighed in) so the safe assumption this is yet another sexless-marriage-husband-has-AP posting.

Don’t dismiss these women’s experiences. You’re beginning to sound misogynistic. No real data to prove what you say and so we should believe what you say but not what women say. Nope.

There is a small (but vocal) minority of cheated-upon wives who had an active sex life in their marriage.

But going by the numbers, the overwhelmingly large majority of male cheating is in a case of sexless/low sex marriage. OP did not mention her fabulous sex life (and still hasn't weighed in) so the safe assumption this is yet another sexless-marriage-husband-has-AP posting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: you never want sex with him.. and you aren't yet divorced. That can only mean **of course** he has an AP! That is the one thing that has been holding together your marriage. Why is this suddenly an issue?

Stop, @sshole. You have zero idea. Plenty of good marriages have sex and these abusuve @sahiles still have entitlement affairs. It’s devestating. They do it when you have a dying parent in the hospital. Plenty of monsters masquerading as decent people out there. And the whores they cheat with are no better. Sneaking around like rats.

+1

This guy gets on every cheating thread and starts ranting about sexless marriages. My ex cheated when our sex life was good and when it was bad. He just cheated all the time, because he's a narcissistic d!ck.

+1. My ex cheated on me. I literally never said no to sex with him. We were having sex 3+x a week while he was emailing his AP about how his relationship with me was broken. When I found out he begged me to stay with him.

Cheating is not about sex just like rape is not about sex.

I could not express this any better. My husband was constantly leaving me 'love' post-it notes and planning surprise dinners and trips and giving me massages. Huge blowout surprise parties. He was incredibly helpful with my family when there was an ill parent or nephew, etc., very caring. We always had a great sex life 3+ times per week 20+ years in.

Yet he went behind my back all of this time with a married woman from the Internet (same sad story many on here have). No way to reconcile that man with the man at home. This is the hardest part to accept. What's real? He claims he compartmentalized and drank just to be with her and it was an escape. He was dissatisfied with himself and the big dreams he had. This was a very successful guy in every conceivable way--so it's mind boggling. He needed some middle-aged SAHM cheating woman to take his mind off of his internal issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But wait, if she makes more than him and he stepped out, proving the affair could keep her from paying alimony.

It’s not a bad idea to get the evidence.

Dude. Even stay at home moms only rarely get alimony. It’s pretty much unheard of when both spouses work.

This is not true at all. In a long-term marriage where one spouse stayed home with the kids, that spouse is usually entitled to alimony in duration equal to 1/2 the marriage for marriages of less than 20 years, and in marriages of longer than 20 years it could awarded for a lifetime. That said, the SAH spouse is expected to return to work and will be assigned an income potential based on past work experience and education level.

So, if a judge says you have a college degree and used to be a middle manager, you are capable of earning $75,000 a year. If the husband earns $150,000, there might be some alimony for some period of time, typically 1/2 the marriage length. That said, it won't be a LOT.

If she cheated and he can prove it, she will likely get nothing.

hahaaaa...no work for over 18 years, but whoring behind her husband's back. Will it be calculated on 'sex worker'?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: you never want sex with him.. and you aren't yet divorced. That can only mean **of course** he has an AP! That is the one thing that has been holding together your marriage. Why is this suddenly an issue?

Stop, @sshole. You have zero idea. Plenty of good marriages have sex and these abusuve @sahiles still have entitlement affairs. It’s devestating. They do it when you have a dying parent in the hospital. Plenty of monsters masquerading as decent people out there. And the whores they cheat with are no better. Sneaking around like rats.

+1

This guy gets on every cheating thread and starts ranting about sexless marriages. My ex cheated when our sex life was good and when it was bad. He just cheated all the time, because he's a narcissistic d!ck.

+1. My ex cheated on me. I literally never said no to sex with him. We were having sex 3+x a week while he was emailing his AP about how his relationship with me was broken. When I found out he begged me to stay with him.

Cheating is not about sex just like rape is not about sex.

Go see a lawyer now. Don't waste time or money on PI until you determine if it benefits you in any way.

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: you never want sex with him.. and you aren't yet divorced. That can only mean **of course** he has an AP! That is the one thing that has been holding together your marriage. Why is this suddenly an issue?

If she doesn't have sex with him, he can countersue for divorce on grounds of constructive desertion. This is also hard to prove. But the result is the same -- she won't get a dime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But wait, if she makes more than him and he stepped out, proving the affair could keep her from paying alimony.

It’s not a bad idea to get the evidence.

Dude. Even stay at home moms only rarely get alimony. It’s pretty much unheard of when both spouses work.

This is not true at all. In a long-term marriage where one spouse stayed home with the kids, that spouse is usually entitled to alimony in duration equal to 1/2 the marriage for marriages of less than 20 years, and in marriages of longer than 20 years it could awarded for a lifetime. That said, the SAH spouse is expected to return to work and will be assigned an income potential based on past work experience and education level.

So, if a judge says you have a college degree and used to be a middle manager, you are capable of earning $75,000 a year. If the husband earns $150,000, there might be some alimony for some period of time, typically 1/2 the marriage length. That said, it won't be a LOT.

If she cheated and he can prove it, she will likely get nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would not evidence help me divorce ASAP?
I can’t stand him.

What state?

If he’s having an affair, you can file for divorce immediately (at fault) in Virginia.

Technically, this is true. However, it will likely take 10-11 months to get on the docket. Better to work out an PSA and just do no-fault.

If you want to hire an investigator, they will need photographic multiple evidence of things like public displays of affection and opportunity to have sex, i.e. going into a hotel room together. But this ONLY matters if you (1) want to file for a fault divorce and get it more quickly (see the caveat about the time to get on the docket, so "quickly" is relative); and 2) Avoiding alimony if you are the higher earning spouse and the marriage is a long one. It might affect asset division at the margins, but not a lot. It will have zero effect on custody.

It's much harder to prove since adultery is a crime in Virginia. The burden of proof is necessarily higher. And be careful you don't commit a crime yourself in the meanwhile, i.e. snooping in electronic records, etc. Judges don't look very kindly on wiretapping and you could create criminal exposure for yourself.

Signed, BTDT.

p.s. I got the evidence I needed and left her high and dry on alimony. She had been scheming to pretend to work in the year proceeding the divorce to drive up child support as well, and she got nailed by the judge for that as well. That said, I take care of my kids -- I don't begrudge the child support at all.

Given that OP can’t even write basic English sentences, there’s no way that she’s a high earner from NYC.

My vote is Russian troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: you never want sex with him.. and you aren't yet divorced. That can only mean **of course** he has an AP! That is the one thing that has been holding together your marriage. Why is this suddenly an issue?

Stop, @sshole. You have zero idea. Plenty of good marriages have sex and these abusuve @sahiles still have entitlement affairs. It’s devestating. They do it when you have a dying parent in the hospital. Plenty of monsters masquerading as decent people out there. And the whores they cheat with are no better. Sneaking around like rats.

OP doesn’t sound like much of a peach herself, assuming this isn’t a troll. She flippantly keeps saying she can’t stand her husband, she’s already had at least one divorce, she made a weird smug comment about leaving NYC, and she’s making more then DH. To me she sounds like she’s already not quite dealing with a full deck.

Troll. You can’t even write complete sentences.

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: you never want sex with him.. and you aren't yet divorced. That can only mean **of course** he has an AP! That is the one thing that has been holding together your marriage. Why is this suddenly an issue?

You need to be treated for mental health problems. When you spout off these things in theoretical situations, it's just annoying. In this situation, you have no empathy and you're an a-hole. Go divorce your wife if this is how much anger you have towards AND find mental health resource.

Dude, you've got serious mental health issues. Stop posting here and instead get help. Start living your life instead being this angry a-hole.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: you never want sex with him.. and you aren't yet divorced. That can only mean **of course** he has an AP! That is the one thing that has been holding together your marriage. Why is this suddenly an issue?

Stop, @sshole. You have zero idea. Plenty of good marriages have sex and these abusuve @sahiles still have entitlement affairs. It’s devestating. They do it when you have a dying parent in the hospital. Plenty of monsters masquerading as decent people out there. And the whores they cheat with are no better. Sneaking around like rats.

+1

This guy gets on every cheating thread and starts ranting about sexless marriages. My ex cheated when our sex life was good and when it was bad. He just cheated all the time, because he's a narcissistic d!ck.

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: you never want sex with him.. and you aren't yet divorced. That can only mean **of course** he has an AP! That is the one thing that has been holding together your marriage. Why is this suddenly an issue?

Stop, @sshole. You have zero idea. Plenty of good marriages have sex and these abusuve @sahiles still have entitlement affairs. It’s devestating. They do it when you have a dying parent in the hospital. Plenty of monsters masquerading as decent people out there. And the whores they cheat with are no better. Sneaking around like rats.