Anonymous
10/28/2020 02:31
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Just how do you know that your child "has never has never sought out drama or attention, and treats people with kindness and an open mind"? Are you with child in school all day long to see this? Also, how is it that your whole family is fluid in gender? Perhaps the non-commitment to your children's gender is more of a reaction to some other form of abuse. Perhaps open your eyes? Really open your eyes.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"give me attention, give me attention!"
+1
+2 That's all it is. These children are probably ignored by their parents.
Is there a need to use flippant judgment on a serious topic? My 14-year old is intrigued by gender fluidity, has a close-knit group of friends with whom they relate, has never sought out drama or attention, and treats people with kindness and an open mind. DH and I are invested in our child's point of view, and we take an active approach to parenting. When they came out to us as curious about fluidity, we listened to them, accepted them, and loved them nonetheless. Were I to tell them that this was just a trend, they were seeking attention, or (much worse) shun them for something I was previously ignorant about, I know they would shut down on me and would think twice about raising vulnerable concerns with me and DH in the future. They want to wear feminine dresses on one day and the baggiest sweatshirts and pants on another, and they look and feel comfortable in both. They stand for looking past gender norms, and they fiercely advocate for equal rights. I doubt that's because they feel like they are ignored. Instead, I think it's because they feel empowered to speak their truth. I'm proud of them. Whether this is a phase or a trend, who am I to say? It's my child. I love them. Right now, this is important to them, and I want to show them that I am interested in what they say and do.
Anonymous
10/21/2020 00:59
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Anonymous wrote:My 14 yo DD just shared that a friend has come out as "non-binary". She then went on to explain the difference between biological sex and gender identity, including the sliding scale of identity. She shared that non-binary is not on the scale. I'm still slightly confused by this last point, but I told her that you can't judge people by how they feel. She explained why people are adding she/her, she/they, etc. to their profiles on-line. Her friend has a new name to be used by only those who are in the know. And, my DD will use the old name around this person in front of me because the person has only come out to a handful of trusted friends. As a trusted friend my DD is not sharing this person's identity with me. I'm grateful for DD sharing this with me, but I'm also a bit stunned. These kids are 14... I'm trying to e open minded... but... Thoughts?
It's great that you have open conversation with your kids. That's a good thing. What you don't want to encourage is that, because this person has "come out" as something unique, that your daughter somehow now thinks, wow, look how great everyone is treating this person, how much attention they're getting. Maybe, maybe I AM non-binary (obviously a subconscious thought)! Honestly think back when you were 14 and things you thought were interesting, cool, awesome, special. I also wanted to be something more than my 14 year old chubby self, who hoped to have something special about me vs just a smart nerd who was not athletic. I'm skinny, got a great family, etc, etc. It's a unique time in life when perspectives are easily shifted.
Totally great they treat them with kindness. Just be aware of your own daughter's behavior change due to her friends. Look up Dr. Deborah Soh and her research https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9NeQTkJjIs&t=1316s
Anonymous
10/21/2020 00:50
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"give me attention, give me attention!"
+1
+2 That's all it is. These children are probably ignored by their parents.
Is there a need to use flippant judgment on a serious topic? My 14-year old is intrigued by gender fluidity, has a close-knit group of friends with whom they relate, has never sought out drama or attention, and treats people with kindness and an open mind. DH and I are invested in our child's point of view, and we take an active approach to parenting. When they came out to us as curious about fluidity, we listened to them, accepted them, and loved them nonetheless. Were I to tell them that this was just a trend, they were seeking attention, or (much worse) shun them for something I was previously ignorant about, I know they would shut down on me and would think twice about raising vulnerable concerns with me and DH in the future. They want to wear feminine dresses on one day and the baggiest sweatshirts and pants on another, and they look and feel comfortable in both. They stand for looking past gender norms, and they fiercely advocate for equal rights. I doubt that's because they feel like they are ignored. Instead, I think it's because they feel empowered to speak their truth. I'm proud of them. Whether this is a phase or a trend, who am I to say? It's my child. I love them. Right now, this is important to them, and I want to show them that I am interested in what they say and do.
OK. I think I know why your kid is so easily influence. Good luck.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 22:58
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
It’s not common at all in my circles. But, I’m Catholic.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 22:52
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"give me attention, give me attention!"
+1
+2 That's all it is. These children are probably ignored by their parents.
Is there a need to use flippant judgment on a serious topic? My 14-year old is intrigued by gender fluidity, has a close-knit group of friends with whom they relate, has never sought out drama or attention, and treats people with kindness and an open mind. DH and I are invested in our child's point of view, and we take an active approach to parenting. When they came out to us as curious about fluidity, we listened to them, accepted them, and loved them nonetheless. Were I to tell them that this was just a trend, they were seeking attention, or (much worse) shun them for something I was previously ignorant about, I know they would shut down on me and would think twice about raising vulnerable concerns with me and DH in the future. They want to wear feminine dresses on one day and the baggiest sweatshirts and pants on another, and they look and feel comfortable in both. They stand for looking past gender norms, and they fiercely advocate for equal rights. I doubt that's because they feel like they are ignored. Instead, I think it's because they feel empowered to speak their truth. I'm proud of them. Whether this is a phase or a trend, who am I to say? It's my child. I love them. Right now, this is important to them, and I want to show them that I am interested in what they say and do.
You're a wonderful parent. Your kid is very lucky! I think it's so great that this generation can be so open about gender fluidity. When my DS was in high school ( he's a college senior now) most of his friends were somewhere on the continuum and the great thing was that for him and his cohort it wasn't a big deal, it just was.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 21:25
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"give me attention, give me attention!"
+1
+2 That's all it is. These children are probably ignored by their parents.
Is there a need to use flippant judgment on a serious topic? My 14-year old is intrigued by gender fluidity, has a close-knit group of friends with whom they relate, has never sought out drama or attention, and treats people with kindness and an open mind. DH and I are invested in our child's point of view, and we take an active approach to parenting. When they came out to us as curious about fluidity, we listened to them, accepted them, and loved them nonetheless. Were I to tell them that this was just a trend, they were seeking attention, or (much worse) shun them for something I was previously ignorant about, I know they would shut down on me and would think twice about raising vulnerable concerns with me and DH in the future. They want to wear feminine dresses on one day and the baggiest sweatshirts and pants on another, and they look and feel comfortable in both. They stand for looking past gender norms, and they fiercely advocate for equal rights. I doubt that's because they feel like they are ignored. Instead, I think it's because they feel empowered to speak their truth. I'm proud of them. Whether this is a phase or a trend, who am I to say? It's my child. I love them. Right now, this is important to them, and I want to show them that I am interested in what they say and do.
+1,000. Frankly, earlier posters saying that teens are experimenting with gender fluidity purely for attention (or that experimentation is comparable to EDs or SH) is super damaging. Why does it bother them so much that teens have more options now on how to label their gender expression, and more freedom to do so among their friends? Even if they change their minds down the road, parents treating NB kids like they are trend-followers instead of people with genuine emotions and motivations is pretty messed up and definitely affects the parent-child relationship. In our kids generation, people are much more accepting of their peers and how they identify, and I think there is much to be learned from them. Gender fluid / nonbinary / trans / queer folks have always existed, and I think it's wonderful that more people are embracing the spectrum of gender fluidity now.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 19:44
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Anonymous wrote:I know plenty of non-binary adults, many of whom actively don't seek any kind of attention for it whatsoever. For some people this is how they genuinely feel and the cost of acknowledging that is basically zero.
The people on this thread are clueless.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 19:40
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
I know plenty of non-binary adults, many of whom actively don't seek any kind of attention for it whatsoever. For some people this is how they genuinely feel and the cost of acknowledging that is basically zero.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 19:37
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"give me attention, give me attention!"
+1
+2 That's all it is. These children are probably ignored by their parents.
Is there a need to use flippant judgment on a serious topic? My 14-year old is intrigued by gender fluidity, has a close-knit group of friends with whom they relate, has never sought out drama or attention, and treats people with kindness and an open mind. DH and I are invested in our child's point of view, and we take an active approach to parenting. When they came out to us as curious about fluidity, we listened to them, accepted them, and loved them nonetheless. Were I to tell them that this was just a trend, they were seeking attention, or (much worse) shun them for something I was previously ignorant about, I know they would shut down on me and would think twice about raising vulnerable concerns with me and DH in the future. They want to wear feminine dresses on one day and the baggiest sweatshirts and pants on another, and they look and feel comfortable in both. They stand for looking past gender norms, and they fiercely advocate for equal rights. I doubt that's because they feel like they are ignored. Instead, I think it's because they feel empowered to speak their truth. I'm proud of them. Whether this is a phase or a trend, who am I to say? It's my child. I love them. Right now, this is important to them, and I want to show them that I am interested in what they say and do.
.that's it. That's all of it.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 19:36
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Anonymous wrote:UMC white girl trend.
My teen told me she has a non-binary queer friend and even SHE could really tell us what it meant.
How is this hard? Doesn't identify as fully male or female. I think it's likely that there are probably more truly nonbinary people in the world than there are trans folks, but they may not have had a name or an identity so easily seen before so they I'd as trans often when even that doesn't seem to fit
Anonymous
10/20/2020 19:34
Subject: Re:Sex vs. Gender & Teens
OP can I ask how old you are? I'm early 40s and I have plenty of sort of unsavvy friends when it comes to queer issues and the community but pretty much all of them have a general knowledge of what you are talking about. They don't need those concepts explained to them, it's already something I thought most people just knew? I'm wondering if there is an age divide.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 17:43
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
UMC white girl trend.
My teen told me she has a non-binary queer friend and even SHE could really tell us what it meant.
My teen told me she has a non-binary queer friend and even SHE could really tell us what it meant.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 16:44
Subject: Re:Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Everything people are saying about trans kids now, they were saying about us bisexual kids in the early 00s. There is no harm in listening to & beleiveing your kids & being open & affirming. My family had trans friends in the 90s, we did carpool with a family with two moms, and it helped make my house a safe place for gay friends of mine in high school.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 16:18
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"give me attention, give me attention!"
+1
+2 That's all it is. These children are probably ignored by their parents.
Is there a need to use flippant judgment on a serious topic? My 14-year old is intrigued by gender fluidity, has a close-knit group of friends with whom they relate, has never sought out drama or attention, and treats people with kindness and an open mind. DH and I are invested in our child's point of view, and we take an active approach to parenting. When they came out to us as curious about fluidity, we listened to them, accepted them, and loved them nonetheless. Were I to tell them that this was just a trend, they were seeking attention, or (much worse) shun them for something I was previously ignorant about, I know they would shut down on me and would think twice about raising vulnerable concerns with me and DH in the future. They want to wear feminine dresses on one day and the baggiest sweatshirts and pants on another, and they look and feel comfortable in both. They stand for looking past gender norms, and they fiercely advocate for equal rights. I doubt that's because they feel like they are ignored. Instead, I think it's because they feel empowered to speak their truth. I'm proud of them. Whether this is a phase or a trend, who am I to say? It's my child. I love them. Right now, this is important to them, and I want to show them that I am interested in what they say and do.
Anonymous
10/20/2020 10:53
Subject: Sex vs. Gender & Teens
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"give me attention, give me attention!"
+1
+2 That's all it is. These children are probably ignored by their parents.