Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regarding the thread about female friendships being plagued by competitiveness, my question is, how can one tell if someone is the competitive type? What kinds of actions or comments would indicate that?

I have a friend who is competitive. The way I’ve been able to see it, is more in what she does than what she says. Someone who appears to be outdoing you.
Whenever I feel like a friend is competing it just pushes me away.

Same. My sister competed with me constantly growing up and it really soured me on that kind of conflict in relationships. It’s just the opposite of connection.

Also, many of the competitive people of encountered do a strange thing where they will compete even when it comes to negative stuff. Like if you had a rough week, there’s was rougher. Or if you have a sick relative, they have a sicker relative. It’s very disconcerting because why would you want to be the person with the sickest relative or the biggest problem? Such an odd impulse. I do think it’s about insecurity and the need for attention.

Anonymous wrote:Regarding the thread about female friendships being plagued by competitiveness, my question is, how can one tell if someone is the competitive type? What kinds of actions or comments would indicate that?

I have a friend who is competitive. The way I’ve been able to see it, is more in what she does than what she says. Someone who appears to be outdoing you.
Whenever I feel like a friend is competing it just pushes me away.

Anonymous wrote:You guys are not describing truly competitive people, they sound more like insecure folks who pull something off now and again. The most competitive people are folks who compete with the toughest competition of all - themselves. When you fight that fight and win, you know you don’t have to act like an ass or be insecure or brag. You can treat other people with respect AND do well. You can also be happy with other’s success because you understand your own.

Well I think the OP is asking specifically about people who are competitive with others in a way that inhibits relationships. I agree there are people who are competitive in a different sense, where it’s not a social behavior but an way of challenging themselves to be better and to master something. That is indeed an admirable thing.

But it’s not what this thread is about. It’s about people who are less concerned with excelling than with “winning”. Like Trump, or the GOP in general, as an example. It’s a real problem!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister leant appear to be obviously competitive will claim to be always the “chill and relaxed one.” However her competitiveness comes out in instances like the following:

- if I’m talking about listening to some podcasts, she’ll say, “ hm, I should listen to more podcasts.”

- if I say I’m loving dog sitting my friends dog, she’ll go buy a dog.

- if I say I’m getting a certificate for work, she too will start some kind of relevant professional development endeavor.

- she is always dressed to the nines

When I think about a competitiveness, a couple I know immediately pops into mind and they are a lot like this. They try sooo hard to cultivate an image of being the most laid back people, but when you spend time around them you start to feel like they’re mining for details that they’ll then try to one-up. I first sensed that something was off when their young daughter told us her parents paid her if she scored goals in soccer.

Wow! They’re never relaxed. They’re always gathering info to be used later.

You guys are not describing truly competitive people, they sound more like insecure folks who pull something off now and again. The most competitive people are folks who compete with the toughest competition of all - themselves. When you fight that fight and win, you know you don’t have to act like an ass or be insecure or brag. You can treat other people with respect AND do well. You can also be happy with other’s success because you understand your own.

I drop all those people who are coworkers/acquaintances fast. It annoys me!! Like just do you. I worked with a lady who compared EVERYTHING to me, even wanted my kid's scores, weight and grades to compare against hers. When I was pregnant and very I'll, every day she wanted to know my weight and remarked how I was losing and she was gaining weight. I could not WAIT to get away from her and was ecstatic when I moved jobs to another firm. Ugh. How can people live like that??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Competitive people are usually slow to pay compliments. Paying compliments causes them pain. For me, that is generally a first sign of an envious person as well.

Yes! Good observation. Do competitive and insecure circle around each other? It seems insecure people do this as well.

Competitiveness, envy, and insecurity generally coexist. Where you find one you will typically find the others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The better question is "Why does it bother you?"

^^ we’ve got a live one

Heh. That's nothing, you should have seen a thread I started on this topic. I had like 50 pages the first hour.

I hope this was intended to be a meta joke, and not someone actually competing on how their thread was better. You never can tell here on DCUM!

Ha ha it was. But you are right-- you never can tell!

Now, me, I can always tell. I have such a good sarcasm radar. When jokes go over other poster's heads, I totally get it. I have the best reaction gifs too, like, "whoosh" response...nobody on here reaction gifs like I do. Plus my kids are all advanced and I'm 70 but I look like I'm 23.

Anonymous wrote:Competitive people are usually slow to pay compliments. Paying compliments causes them pain. For me, that is generally a first sign of an envious person as well.

Yes! Good observation. Do competitive and insecure circle around each other? It seems insecure people do this as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The better question is "Why does it bother you?"

^^ we’ve got a live one

Heh. That's nothing, you should have seen a thread I started on this topic. I had like 50 pages the first hour.

I hope this was intended to be a meta joke, and not someone actually competing on how their thread was better. You never can tell here on DCUM!

Anonymous wrote:We’re easy to recognize. We live in the houses you wished you lived in, in the neighborhoods you can’t. Our kids go to schools you can’t get get your kids into, and we drive the cars you can’t afford.

Dude, you're in a race that a lot of us opted out of. No one cares.

Anonymous wrote:We’re easy to recognize. We live in the houses you wished you lived in, in the neighborhoods you can’t. Our kids go to schools you can’t get get your kids into, and we drive the cars you can’t afford.

See, I don't buy this. I know successful people who aren't a-holes. Imagine that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The better question is "Why does it bother you?"

It's an anti-social behavior. If someone is just competitive with themself, as a way to motivate, that's one thing. But people who are competitive with others want to win, and they want others to lose. That is necessarily disruptive to social situations.

Most competitive people are also freeloading on the better social skills of others. The competitive person will be aggressive and challenging, but it can be defused by having people around who don't take the bait, and who know how to change the subject or use empathy to help avoid hurt feelings. That's a lot of work to do to manage a competitive person, and it would be better if they could manage their own behavior better.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Competitive people are usually slow to pay compliments. Paying compliments causes them pain. For me, that is generally a first sign of an envious person as well.

+1

Good one! Very true!

Anonymous wrote:We’re easy to recognize. We live in the houses you wished you lived in, in the neighborhoods you can’t. Our kids go to schools you can’t get get your kids into, and we drive the cars you can’t afford.

You have to drive? I have Jamison to chauffeur me around.