Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Define “very high earner.” Are you talking 300 or 400 thousand? Or seven figures?

Are you on board with hiring a housekeeper and babysitters or nannies or night nurses?

Are do you expect your wife to do all the cleaning and cooking and childcare without our sourcing?

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else getting abusive red flags from OP?

No. I'm getting serious Troll vibes.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

I think times have changed. While there are some women who have no problem with some of what you've outlined, it does sound like an outdated arrangement. Many women want husbands who are involved fathers even if they are working 80 hours per week. I don't have a problem with your wife having to be the default parent if that's ok with her, but you make it sound like you'll be involved only to the extent you can instead of making it a priority. It sounds like your family will be secondary to your career. That's not appealing to a lot of women.

You say that your parents' arrangement worked. Who did it work for? Does your mother agree?

Anyone else getting abusive red flags from OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I will be head of the finances but she will have full access to it. My ex worked a non-profit job and didn’t make much. We lived together for a year and she had full access to our joint account. I have no problem making sure the women is well taken care of in the event of a divorce. I’m just not willing to give up half of what I worked for and earned to her.

The problem is that you are expecting sacrifice on the part of the woman (to give up a career, financial freedom and control, etc.) but you won’t actually view her as equally entitled to everything you’ve “worked for.” What about the work that she would do at home? What’s in it for her?

You should find a poor woman from another country (maybe Asia...?).

Are you really saying you don't want to do ANY household or childcare stuff? Like... you won't unload the dishwasher, or take the kids for a weekend morning, or put away your own laundry? Or help with bathtime/bedtime? Is your vision to be at home relaxing on evenings and weekends while your wife continues to do childcare and housework in front of you?

When you say women want to stay at home but do "50/50," I"m not sure that's true. I don't expect my husband to do 50/50. I'm doing like 80% of the house work and childcare, but I need help with the other 20% or I will literally be doing childcare or housework 16 hrs a day, 7 days/wk. He has a normal 9-5 work schedules with weekends off so I don't see why that's unreasonable.

Of course she didn't want to sign a prenup. You are asking her to give up her own career aspirations, be completely financially dependent on you, and spend all her time in domestic drudgery. Meanwhile, you can leave at any time with no financial consequences and she will be a destitute single mother with no job prospects. Only an idiot would take that deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

Good for her. I wouldn’t either if I’m expected to give up my means of providing for myself and rely solely on my husband. That is a risky move for a women. I’m a SAHM and will likely never work again. No way I would ever sign a prenup, especially if I planned to be SAHM or my husband wanted me to. The years of income and career advancement I gave up are irreplaceable, add to that a shitty divorce settlement, no.

Even dumb women would avoid an arrangement where they can't make their own money and you have control of "managing" the finances.

Danger danger.

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I will be head of the finances but she will have full access to it. My ex worked a non-profit job and didn’t make much. We lived together for a year and she had full access to our joint account. I have no problem making sure the women is well taken care of in the event of a divorce. I’m just not willing to give up half of what I worked for and earned to her.

Just marry any woman and don’t do the work around the house like every other man your age.

Okay, Troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want a "servant" but the only responsibilities you want to have are to sire children, go to work, and manage the finances. Gee, I wonder why women aren't falling all over themselves for you?

It's not crazy for families to divide the labor as OP describes. Many women don't want that these days, which is obviously their prerogative, but some are still happy with this division of labor which puts plenty on the male contrary to what your comment implies.

It's not crazy but it's all not super common. There's a reason women fought for the right to go to work.

Enlighten me - if the woman does all the childcare and all the housework, what else is on the male? He already goes to work and manages finances, wife or no wife.

The right to do something does not obligate someone to do it.

I don't understand your question. Right now, if there are two independent people without kids they each work and manage their own lives/finances. If they have a kid together, it isn't unreasonable for one to take responsibility for work and finances and the other to care for the kid and household. OP said in another post he works 70-80 hours per week. That hardly sounds like he is slacking and has too little on his plate to make this an equitable division of labor.

Again, lots of people don't want this arrangement and that's great. But I don't think a woman who does is being taken advantage of.

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

Anonymous wrote:Not here. Every SAHM here was on track to be a partner at a big law firm, CEO at a Fortune 500 or some other high power job(all within a year of starting work)...just ask them!

Some of us were already there when we resigned.