ILs who live away from us have called my DH maybe 8 times or so since pandemic (March). They have no real interaction with my DS. No interest. Their phone calls are full of what their daughter and granddaughter are doing. My parents have never favored a grandchild. Hard to watch. DS doesn't notice or comment. It makes me mad if I think about it, but I try not to. The one good thing about this pandemic is no visits from them hopefully for many more months.

My MIL and FIL had no interest in my stepdaughter once she hit HS. She had been the only grandchild until middle school and then my SIL had a baby and it was as if my SD didn’t exist. It was SO hurtful to her. Literally, they didn’t even send her birthday cards through high school and for years after. And after getting showered with presents until adolescence (ridiculously showered, like 20 gifts; it was offensive) they then ignore her birthdays and gave her like a $25 GC to Chili’s when she was 21 at Christmas vs. a new iPad, 10 new outfits, an Apple Watch, etc. under the same (shared) Christmas tree.

Now my SD has a baby, the first great grandchild. She’s 26 and her cousin is in 8th grade, same year she was abandoned essentially. And all of a sudden MIL is obsessed with the baby. Thankfully, SD is not falling for it. She says she’s rather not have them in her life at all anymore; it still hurts so much.

Anonymous wrote:Lose.
For the love of God.

I was about the post the same thing.

Lose.
For the love of God.

No

I don’t think they are tired of them, just have a hard time engaging with them. Little kids will talk about anything and teenagers won’t.

With my own grandparents, I noticed it with me but now seeing the full spectrum of their lives, I think they just got tired. Even though they had activities and things, anything that was outside of their usual routine because challenging and exhausting. It had nothing to do with me, it had to do with a 65 year old bouncing an infant is very different than an 80 year old trying to make conversation with a 15 year old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think just like parents, grandparents have to evolve as your kids age. And sometimes they don't. For instance when they're newborns you become experts on sleep and feeding. When they're 10, you become experts in Star Wars, soccer or whatever else they like. You learn how to talk to older kids.

Could your kids try to engage your parents more? Have your kids ask about the grandparent's hobbies and such.

I think it is more a function of the grandparents values and desires, none of which my children can or should try to influence or force. Putting this responsibility on children in this situation will just lead to feelings of rejection in the children.

Agree. A child could ask an open-ended question if genuine, but a child doesn't need to coax an adult into building a closer relationship.

Anonymous wrote:I think just like parents, grandparents have to evolve as your kids age. And sometimes they don't. For instance when they're newborns you become experts on sleep and feeding. When they're 10, you become experts in Star Wars, soccer or whatever else they like. You learn how to talk to older kids.

Could your kids try to engage your parents more? Have your kids ask about the grandparent's hobbies and such.

I think it is more a function of the grandparents values and desires, none of which my children can or should try to influence or force. Putting this responsibility on children in this situation will just lead to feelings of rejection in the children.

no. DC1 is a tween and they are still very invested.

Yup, FIL was over the moon thrilled, all-in showering first grandchild with attention until about 4-5yo when she started having opinions and not Just automatically following his whims of activities. It was much more apparent when the next grandchild was around 2yo and we were visiting together: everything that child did was perfect and everything ours did was annoying. (And she really was an extremely calm, easy going kid, most adults still comment on it.)

I think just like parents, grandparents have to evolve as your kids age. And sometimes they don't. For instance when they're newborns you become experts on sleep and feeding. When they're 10, you become experts in Star Wars, soccer or whatever else they like. You learn how to talk to older kids.

Could your kids try to engage your parents more? Have your kids ask about the grandparent's hobbies and such.

My mom completely lost interest in my kids after early elementary and my kids took it to heart. Of course she says they outgrew her but in reality she just dropped them.

Anonymous wrote:Mine lost interest a few weeks after they were born. Mine would be interested but grandparents have other favorites, which is fine.

Same. They lost interest quickly but have invested a lot of time, energy, and money in all the other grandchildren young and old.

All of my kids grandparents lost interest once they were no longer babies/toddlers. My mom is now deceased, she made the most effort of them all, and the others make no effort. I feel bad for my kids not to have a single engaged grandparent, but it really anything I can do.