Anonymous
Post 10/08/2020 12:49     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that she messaged you so crazy about it means yes of course the relationship is over but I really do not understand people who unfriend/block family members. There is no reason for it and it is hurtful. If you want to sever the relationship (which it sounds like you, the op, wanted to) then fine go for it totally your prerogative but of course doing something like this will have consequences and to act like it doesn't or that it shouldn't is really both ignorant to human behavior and gaslighty.

Its a rejection. Maybe a valid one! But people are hurt by rejection in all its forms and its not crazy to notice a rejection and be hurt by it. Sounds like this is a rejection you intentionally pursued and have no issues with following up on, though so I wouldn't give it much thought.


I disagree. You absolutely should not enable Trumper (I'm not saying all Republicans, just the rapid Trumpers). The things they do and say are not OK. It's not OK to ignore the comments, whether they are family or not.


I am the PP. I don't enable or ignore Trumpers. I engage with them. I've been unfriended a few times. I refuse to live in a bubble. IMO unfriending them absolves you of the guilty feeling you have when you ignore them not to start a fuss. Unfriending them is the easy way out. It simply enforces both bubbles and makes it easy for them to say you are some silly snowflake. The hard thing to do is to see what they post and challenge them about it. Even harder to challenge in a way that sparks a conversation instead of a fight.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2020 12:24     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that she messaged you so crazy about it means yes of course the relationship is over but I really do not understand people who unfriend/block family members. There is no reason for it and it is hurtful. If you want to sever the relationship (which it sounds like you, the op, wanted to) then fine go for it totally your prerogative but of course doing something like this will have consequences and to act like it doesn't or that it shouldn't is really both ignorant to human behavior and gaslighty.

Its a rejection. Maybe a valid one! But people are hurt by rejection in all its forms and its not crazy to notice a rejection and be hurt by it. Sounds like this is a rejection you intentionally pursued and have no issues with following up on, though so I wouldn't give it much thought.


I disagree. You absolutely should not enable Trumper (I'm not saying all Republicans, just the rapid Trumpers). The things they do and say are not OK. It's not OK to ignore the comments, whether they are family or not.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2020 12:18     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that she messaged you so crazy about it means yes of course the relationship is over but I really do not understand people who unfriend/block family members. There is no reason for it and it is hurtful. If you want to sever the relationship (which it sounds like you, the op, wanted to) then fine go for it totally your prerogative but of course doing something like this will have consequences and to act like it doesn't or that it shouldn't is really both ignorant to human behavior and gaslighty.

Its a rejection. Maybe a valid one! But people are hurt by rejection in all its forms and its not crazy to notice a rejection and be hurt by it. Sounds like this is a rejection you intentionally pursued and have no issues with following up on, though so I wouldn't give it much thought.


I agree, I have unfreinded a lot of people through the years, but never a family member. I just unfollow.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2020 10:49     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that she messaged you so crazy about it means yes of course the relationship is over but I really do not understand people who unfriend/block family members. There is no reason for it and it is hurtful. If you want to sever the relationship (which it sounds like you, the op, wanted to) then fine go for it totally your prerogative but of course doing something like this will have consequences and to act like it doesn't or that it shouldn't is really both ignorant to human behavior and gaslighty.

Its a rejection. Maybe a valid one! But people are hurt by rejection in all its forms and its not crazy to notice a rejection and be hurt by it. Sounds like this is a rejection you intentionally pursued and have no issues with following up on, though so I wouldn't give it much thought.


To call it a rejection is a bit harsh. It sounds like OP didn't want to look at political posts. That's not rejection. My cousin who blocked me is jealous that I belong to a county club. I posted a photo in the club ONCE and she blocked me. I don't feel rejected. She just didn't want to see my one country club post or run the risk that she might see another. Editing social media is very big now.


If someone unfriends you on Facebook it is a rejection. I don't see how you could possibly frame it otherwise. You are saying that you dislike the person so much you're choosing to unfriend them instead of block them so they can't even look at your vacation photos.

It is fine that you do not feel rejected by your cousin, and its healthy that you understand that its more about her than you. But she still decided that whatever good feelings she has about you were outweighed by this and then blocked herself from seeing anything about you.

If some guy stops talking to you because you 'trigger' something in him is that not a rejection? If a friend stops hanging out with you because, I dunno something very sympathetic like she is having trouble conceiving and you have children. That feels like a rejection. It is understandable that the friend does that, its also very understandable for the person being shunned to feel hurt about it.

No one has to be the bad guy in a rejection, but it is ridiculous to tell the rejected party that they should have no bad feelings about it.

Oh, they can have negative feelings, sure. But they sort of negate them when they resort to insults and name calling, and probably prove why it happened in the first place.


Thanks for repeating what I said in the first sentence of my original response

But one can't negate bad feelings, I don't know how a feeling could possibly be 'negated'. It simply makes the rejector more sure of their decision. The rejectee is still entitled to feel bad about what just happened.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2020 08:48     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that she messaged you so crazy about it means yes of course the relationship is over but I really do not understand people who unfriend/block family members. There is no reason for it and it is hurtful. If you want to sever the relationship (which it sounds like you, the op, wanted to) then fine go for it totally your prerogative but of course doing something like this will have consequences and to act like it doesn't or that it shouldn't is really both ignorant to human behavior and gaslighty.

Its a rejection. Maybe a valid one! But people are hurt by rejection in all its forms and its not crazy to notice a rejection and be hurt by it. Sounds like this is a rejection you intentionally pursued and have no issues with following up on, though so I wouldn't give it much thought.


To call it a rejection is a bit harsh. It sounds like OP didn't want to look at political posts. That's not rejection. My cousin who blocked me is jealous that I belong to a county club. I posted a photo in the club ONCE and she blocked me. I don't feel rejected. She just didn't want to see my one country club post or run the risk that she might see another. Editing social media is very big now.


If someone unfriends you on Facebook it is a rejection. I don't see how you could possibly frame it otherwise. You are saying that you dislike the person so much you're choosing to unfriend them instead of block them so they can't even look at your vacation photos.

It is fine that you do not feel rejected by your cousin, and its healthy that you understand that its more about her than you. But she still decided that whatever good feelings she has about you were outweighed by this and then blocked herself from seeing anything about you.

If some guy stops talking to you because you 'trigger' something in him is that not a rejection? If a friend stops hanging out with you because, I dunno something very sympathetic like she is having trouble conceiving and you have children. That feels like a rejection. It is understandable that the friend does that, its also very understandable for the person being shunned to feel hurt about it.

No one has to be the bad guy in a rejection, but it is ridiculous to tell the rejected party that they should have no bad feelings about it.

Oh, they can have negative feelings, sure. But they sort of negate them when they resort to insults and name calling, and probably prove why it happened in the first place.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2020 01:10     Subject: Re:MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is weird she noticed right away.


+1. How'd she know?


Agreed this doesn’t make any sense.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2020 00:40     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Ignore. Don't engage. If she is this much of a nutter, be prepared for family member do-gooders to attempt to step in to 'help' at her insistence, or at least that she will attempt to poison their minds.
Anonymous
Post 10/07/2020 12:30     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that she messaged you so crazy about it means yes of course the relationship is over but I really do not understand people who unfriend/block family members. There is no reason for it and it is hurtful. If you want to sever the relationship (which it sounds like you, the op, wanted to) then fine go for it totally your prerogative but of course doing something like this will have consequences and to act like it doesn't or that it shouldn't is really both ignorant to human behavior and gaslighty.

Its a rejection. Maybe a valid one! But people are hurt by rejection in all its forms and its not crazy to notice a rejection and be hurt by it. Sounds like this is a rejection you intentionally pursued and have no issues with following up on, though so I wouldn't give it much thought.


To call it a rejection is a bit harsh. It sounds like OP didn't want to look at political posts. That's not rejection. My cousin who blocked me is jealous that I belong to a county club. I posted a photo in the club ONCE and she blocked me. I don't feel rejected. She just didn't want to see my one country club post or run the risk that she might see another. Editing social media is very big now.


If someone unfriends you on Facebook it is a rejection. I don't see how you could possibly frame it otherwise. You are saying that you dislike the person so much you're choosing to unfriend them instead of block them so they can't even look at your vacation photos.

It is fine that you do not feel rejected by your cousin, and its healthy that you understand that its more about her than you. But she still decided that whatever good feelings she has about you were outweighed by this and then blocked herself from seeing anything about you.

If some guy stops talking to you because you 'trigger' something in him is that not a rejection? If a friend stops hanging out with you because, I dunno something very sympathetic like she is having trouble conceiving and you have children. That feels like a rejection. It is understandable that the friend does that, its also very understandable for the person being shunned to feel hurt about it.

No one has to be the bad guy in a rejection, but it is ridiculous to tell the rejected party that they should have no bad feelings about it.
Anonymous
Post 10/07/2020 12:06     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that she messaged you so crazy about it means yes of course the relationship is over but I really do not understand people who unfriend/block family members. There is no reason for it and it is hurtful. If you want to sever the relationship (which it sounds like you, the op, wanted to) then fine go for it totally your prerogative but of course doing something like this will have consequences and to act like it doesn't or that it shouldn't is really both ignorant to human behavior and gaslighty.

Its a rejection. Maybe a valid one! But people are hurt by rejection in all its forms and its not crazy to notice a rejection and be hurt by it. Sounds like this is a rejection you intentionally pursued and have no issues with following up on, though so I wouldn't give it much thought.


To call it a rejection is a bit harsh. It sounds like OP didn't want to look at political posts. That's not rejection. My cousin who blocked me is jealous that I belong to a county club. I posted a photo in the club ONCE and she blocked me. I don't feel rejected. She just didn't want to see my one country club post or run the risk that she might see another. Editing social media is very big now.
Anonymous
Post 10/07/2020 11:54     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
I think the fact that she messaged you so crazy about it means yes of course the relationship is over but I really do not understand people who unfriend/block family members. There is no reason for it and it is hurtful. If you want to sever the relationship (which it sounds like you, the op, wanted to) then fine go for it totally your prerogative but of course doing something like this will have consequences and to act like it doesn't or that it shouldn't is really both ignorant to human behavior and gaslighty.

Its a rejection. Maybe a valid one! But people are hurt by rejection in all its forms and its not crazy to notice a rejection and be hurt by it. Sounds like this is a rejection you intentionally pursued and have no issues with following up on, though so I wouldn't give it much thought.
Anonymous
Post 10/07/2020 11:35     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You could just say you’re streamlining your FB account and paring down the accounts with people you don’t regularly interact with on FB. “No hard feelings!”
+1 You did instigate OP. That said try to smooth it over. Life is too short to keep creating drama. You'll be happier if you stop now.


That is not "instigation."
Anonymous
Post 10/07/2020 11:34     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:Literally ignore would be the best revenge. Absolutely no response at all, ever. She is spoiling for a fight and a reaction. Give her nothing, it will drive her crazy.


This!!! Then be distant but polite next time you see her. If she starts in when you see her, walk away.
Anonymous
Post 10/07/2020 09:51     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You could just say you’re streamlining your FB account and paring down the accounts with people you don’t regularly interact with on FB. “No hard feelings!”
+1 You did instigate OP. That said try to smooth it over. Life is too short to keep creating drama. You'll be happier if you stop now.

Ignore this. Facebook IS NOT real life. People who equate FB with reality have issues. Lightening your friend load on FB is NOT instigating.
Anonymous
Post 10/07/2020 08:29     Subject: MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Is she racist? If yes, they always think they are not, and are nice people. Be cold and distant.
Anonymous
Post 10/06/2020 22:07     Subject: Re:MAJOR overreaction. How would you proceed?
Anonymous wrote:Yes! At the mext funeral, you are distant and polite.


I agree with this. There's no point in replying. When you see her in the future I wouldn't go up to her but if you find yourself face to face "Hello Debbie, I hope you're enjoying this beautiful wedding. Doesn't Lisa look beautiful? Excuse me."