Anonymous
09/26/2020 08:57
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with a severe anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts. She almost died the summer before 3rd grade because she ate candy that was cross-contaminated because it had been produced in a facility where nut products were processed. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
It's terrifying, especially as she gets older and heads out into the world without me.
You should know that sometimes Epipens don't stop the reaction, and kids die.
You don't say what the nephew's allergy is, but I assume it's dairy. If his allergy to dairy is severe enough, then ice cream or cheese residue on the hands or lips of his family indeed could be dangerous (if you eat ice cream and then kiss him, touch him, or prepare other food, he would react, potentially die). If she wasn't worried at the playground, perhaps it's because her son isn't as seriously allergic to peanut butter or nuts, or other food likely to be on the monkey bars.
I would be furious if my family disregarded my daughter's safety by eating her allergen around her and making a big deal about my request for safety precautions. From my perspective, you (as family) did not do enough to find out about the severity of his allergies or how you could ensure his safety. If you are sharing a house and vacationing with them, you needed to have a conversation about this. If this means you go get ice cream without them, then wash your hands thoroughly and brush your teeth before having contact with your nephew, this is what you needed to do - not come on here and grouse about how she's mental because she wanted to make sure her son didn't accidentally die on vacation.
I have never heard of a dairy allergy that was triggered by skin contact.
The most important job of a parent is to raise their children to be able to live successfully in the world. We had a couple of T1 kids in the extended family who are now young adults. They have had to learn about their own limitations at a very young age. They know why they can't eat certain foods but others can. They know their ENTIRE LIVES will be centered around their blood sugar levels and they can DIE if it is not monitored and addressed. During their teen years there were many close calls and ICU visits because, like all teens, they pushed boundaries.
Bottom line is that the world and the multitudes in it do not stop for diabetes, cancer, allergies or anything else. Kids have to learn to navigate in this world and all the people in it. The world won't bend for them, sadly.
Anonymous
09/26/2020 08:41
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with a severe anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts. She almost died the summer before 3rd grade because she ate candy that was cross-contaminated because it had been produced in a facility where nut products were processed. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
It's terrifying, especially as she gets older and heads out into the world without me.
You should know that sometimes Epipens don't stop the reaction, and kids die.
You don't say what the nephew's allergy is, but I assume it's dairy. If his allergy to dairy is severe enough, then ice cream or cheese residue on the hands or lips of his family indeed could be dangerous (if you eat ice cream and then kiss him, touch him, or prepare other food, he would react, potentially die). If she wasn't worried at the playground, perhaps it's because her son isn't as seriously allergic to peanut butter or nuts, or other food likely to be on the monkey bars.
I would be furious if my family disregarded my daughter's safety by eating her allergen around her and making a big deal about my request for safety precautions. From my perspective, you (as family) did not do enough to find out about the severity of his allergies or how you could ensure his safety. If you are sharing a house and vacationing with them, you needed to have a conversation about this. If this means you go get ice cream without them, then wash your hands thoroughly and brush your teeth before having contact with your nephew, this is what you needed to do - not come on here and grouse about how she's mental because she wanted to make sure her son didn't accidentally die on vacation.
I have never heard of a dairy allergy that was triggered by skin contact.
Anonymous
09/26/2020 08:26
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with a severe anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts. She almost died the summer before 3rd grade because she ate candy that was cross-contaminated because it had been produced in a facility where nut products were processed. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
It's terrifying, especially as she gets older and heads out into the world without me.
You should know that sometimes Epipens don't stop the reaction, and kids die.
You don't say what the nephew's allergy is, but I assume it's dairy. If his allergy to dairy is severe enough, then ice cream or cheese residue on the hands or lips of his family indeed could be dangerous (if you eat ice cream and then kiss him, touch him, or prepare other food, he would react, potentially die). If she wasn't worried at the playground, perhaps it's because her son isn't as seriously allergic to peanut butter or nuts, or other food likely to be on the monkey bars.
I would be furious if my family disregarded my daughter's safety by eating her allergen around her and making a big deal about my request for safety precautions. From my perspective, you (as family) did not do enough to find out about the severity of his allergies or how you could ensure his safety. If you are sharing a house and vacationing with them, you needed to have a conversation about this. If this means you go get ice cream without them, then wash your hands thoroughly and brush your teeth before having contact with your nephew, this is what you needed to do - not come on here and grouse about how she's mental because she wanted to make sure her son didn't accidentally die on vacation.
Amen to this.
Anonymous
09/26/2020 07:30
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
I have a kid with a severe anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts. She almost died the summer before 3rd grade because she ate candy that was cross-contaminated because it had been produced in a facility where nut products were processed. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
It's terrifying, especially as she gets older and heads out into the world without me.
You should know that sometimes Epipens don't stop the reaction, and kids die.
You don't say what the nephew's allergy is, but I assume it's dairy. If his allergy to dairy is severe enough, then ice cream or cheese residue on the hands or lips of his family indeed could be dangerous (if you eat ice cream and then kiss him, touch him, or prepare other food, he would react, potentially die). If she wasn't worried at the playground, perhaps it's because her son isn't as seriously allergic to peanut butter or nuts, or other food likely to be on the monkey bars.
I would be furious if my family disregarded my daughter's safety by eating her allergen around her and making a big deal about my request for safety precautions. From my perspective, you (as family) did not do enough to find out about the severity of his allergies or how you could ensure his safety. If you are sharing a house and vacationing with them, you needed to have a conversation about this. If this means you go get ice cream without them, then wash your hands thoroughly and brush your teeth before having contact with your nephew, this is what you needed to do - not come on here and grouse about how she's mental because she wanted to make sure her son didn't accidentally die on vacation.
It's terrifying, especially as she gets older and heads out into the world without me.
You should know that sometimes Epipens don't stop the reaction, and kids die.
You don't say what the nephew's allergy is, but I assume it's dairy. If his allergy to dairy is severe enough, then ice cream or cheese residue on the hands or lips of his family indeed could be dangerous (if you eat ice cream and then kiss him, touch him, or prepare other food, he would react, potentially die). If she wasn't worried at the playground, perhaps it's because her son isn't as seriously allergic to peanut butter or nuts, or other food likely to be on the monkey bars.
I would be furious if my family disregarded my daughter's safety by eating her allergen around her and making a big deal about my request for safety precautions. From my perspective, you (as family) did not do enough to find out about the severity of his allergies or how you could ensure his safety. If you are sharing a house and vacationing with them, you needed to have a conversation about this. If this means you go get ice cream without them, then wash your hands thoroughly and brush your teeth before having contact with your nephew, this is what you needed to do - not come on here and grouse about how she's mental because she wanted to make sure her son didn't accidentally die on vacation.
Anonymous
09/26/2020 00:43
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Think of it this way: there is a poison in every restaurant, kitchen, grocery store, playground, classroom etc. that could kill your child at anytime. It doesn't matter if your kid touches or ingests the poison, either way it could cause a reaction or death. It's often obvious but sometimes invisible so just be careful and do your best. It's terrifying if you really think about it.
I get anxious anytime we are outside of our normal routine, particularly with other people. Also, the older the child gets, the less control she has over this. When they are infants and toddlers you can be the one that literally supplies all the food. As they get older there are more field trips, playdates and birthday parties with a lot of new situations and unknowns.
Also, you can't control every situation. I won't always make the same decisions on what is safe and what is not with my child. I go with my instincts and consider a lot of factors when making these decisions and it can and will always change.
I would teach yourself and your kids to ALWAYS wash your hands with soap and water after eating. Hand sanitizer isn't effective. It will show your sister that you care and you are trying to help protect her child.
I get anxious anytime we are outside of our normal routine, particularly with other people. Also, the older the child gets, the less control she has over this. When they are infants and toddlers you can be the one that literally supplies all the food. As they get older there are more field trips, playdates and birthday parties with a lot of new situations and unknowns.
Also, you can't control every situation. I won't always make the same decisions on what is safe and what is not with my child. I go with my instincts and consider a lot of factors when making these decisions and it can and will always change.
I would teach yourself and your kids to ALWAYS wash your hands with soap and water after eating. Hand sanitizer isn't effective. It will show your sister that you care and you are trying to help protect her child.
Anonymous
09/26/2020 00:34
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Do not say anything. It’s not your place.
Anonymous
09/26/2020 00:24
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Traveling with children who have food allergies is extremely stressful. I would cut her some slack and try to empathize. That being said, I think some precautions she’s taking are overboard. But I would also look at your own behavior and that of your family - it’s possible that you’re minimizing things which may lead her to be more hyper vigilant.
It’s also possible that she’s had bad experiences with others before. We tried to train my in-laws to read labels, they missed something obvious and my DS ended up in the ER. We no longer stay with them, it’s just too stressful. I was trying not to be the crazy one and very much regret that now!
It’s also possible that she’s had bad experiences with others before. We tried to train my in-laws to read labels, they missed something obvious and my DS ended up in the ER. We no longer stay with them, it’s just too stressful. I was trying not to be the crazy one and very much regret that now!
Anonymous
09/26/2020 00:22
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
I think the playground is different from your house because at the playground she can hand sanitize and make him wash hands after whereas she wants to feel like the house is a safe zone and not constantly worry.
jsmith123
09/26/2020 00:09
Subject: Re:Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Has your nephew had scary episodes in the past where your sister (or someone) was forced to use the epi pen? If so, maybe she has some PTSD.
Basically the worst thing in the world for a parent would be having their child die, and if he's had some bad reactions and his life has been in mortal danger, it's likely that caused her extreme trauma.
And she's probably trying to do everything in her power to reduce the possibility of that. My gut says that she is worrying about the playground, but knows that she can't logically go ask all the other parents what their kids recently had to eat.
Even if she is overreacting, it would suck to be her. Being that anxious is a horrible feeling.
Basically the worst thing in the world for a parent would be having their child die, and if he's had some bad reactions and his life has been in mortal danger, it's likely that caused her extreme trauma.
And she's probably trying to do everything in her power to reduce the possibility of that. My gut says that she is worrying about the playground, but knows that she can't logically go ask all the other parents what their kids recently had to eat.
Even if she is overreacting, it would suck to be her. Being that anxious is a horrible feeling.
Anonymous
09/25/2020 21:03
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, as an allergy parent, even one who's fairly low-key, there's nothing totally rational about it. It's all about what you can and can't control.
When we rented a house with family, it was still scary when my niece wanted to have PB sandwich, or someone bought sesame bagels to toast in the same toaster we'd use for my kid's toast. But, at the playground, you just don't have that control (though I did leave a playground once when I saw someone feeding their kid Bamba; it blew my mind). We try to be fairly low key so we don't create fear of food in my kid.
It's also about fitting in. It's pretty shitty for an allergy kid to see everyone enjoying ice cream from a shop if they can't too. They will get used to being left out in certain situations, like birthday parties, but when it's just family you feel like everyone should consider making a sacrifice so your kid doesn't feel so left out. Again, it's not entirely rational; it's 90% just personal feelings and being heartbroken and scared for your kid all. the. freaking. time.
Best thing we've done is go through Oral Immunotherapy. My peanut allergic kid eats 8 peanuts a day now and we're about to start on tree nuts.
I think this is where age of the kids matters. For young kids absolutlely. Oler kids no. I also think it's important allergy kids know to advocate for themselves and not be lulled into a false sense of security, this is how tragedy happens when kids become teens and start hanging out with friends on their own they're used to mom, auntie, or teacher looking out for them and don't know to screen things themselves.
Anonymous
09/25/2020 20:59
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Anonymous wrote:If its serious enough, yes, it makes sense but why on earth would you bring nuts to a house where you know a child is allergic. You sound like part of the problem.
OP didn't bring nuts into the house. Read thoroughly before commenting.
Anonymous
09/25/2020 20:58
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, as an allergy parent, even one who's fairly low-key, there's nothing totally rational about it. It's all about what you can and can't control.
When we rented a house with family, it was still scary when my niece wanted to have PB sandwich, or someone bought sesame bagels to toast in the same toaster we'd use for my kid's toast. But, at the playground, you just don't have that control (though I did leave a playground once when I saw someone feeding their kid Bamba; it blew my mind). We try to be fairly low key so we don't create fear of food in my kid.
It's also about fitting in. It's pretty shitty for an allergy kid to see everyone enjoying ice cream from a shop if they can't too. They will get used to being left out in certain situations, like birthday parties, but when it's just family you feel like everyone should consider making a sacrifice so your kid doesn't feel so left out. Again, it's not entirely rational; it's 90% just personal feelings and being heartbroken and scared for your kid all. the. freaking. time.
Best thing we've done is go through Oral Immunotherapy. My peanut allergic kid eats 8 peanuts a day now and we're about to start on tree nuts.
So the birthday kid shouldn't have icecream because your kid can't?
Anonymous
09/25/2020 20:27
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
If its serious enough, yes, it makes sense but why on earth would you bring nuts to a house where you know a child is allergic. You sound like part of the problem.
Anonymous
09/25/2020 20:20
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know how to post this without sounding like a completely condescending asshole, but hear me out.
Because I can’t relate firsthand, I don’t know if this is typical or if it’s extreme anxiety. My school aged nephew is allergic to pretty much everything. He’s basically the boy from My Girl but with the modern convenience of readily available epinephrine. I’m NOT trying to minimize this, please don’t misconstrue, but I am worried about my sister as he gets older, because you’d think she would relax a little?
It seems the older he gets, the more obsessed she becomes. We took a little long weekend this summer with them to a rental, and I’m not kidding when I say every thing we did revolves around my nephew and his safety. Our kids weren’t allowed to get ice cream on the boardwalk because it may have been contaminated and could remain on their lips. Food couldn’t be placed in the pantry because someone may have had PB in there previously. When we ate at a burger joint, she was really upset we all didn’t omit cheese, because traces could linger on our fingers and we may touch something he might put in his mouth.
But it’s weird because she didn’t worry at the little playground where people were openly picnicking, that a kid could have eaten a PBJ and not washed his hands before touching the same monkey bars my nephew was. Does that make sense?
Is this normal or is this something I should talk to my BIL about? He sees it but acts like it’s normal. And maybe it is normal. If it is, by all means put me in my place!
I would think you could ask, gently, if you already have a good relationship with your sister and BIL. There is an essay in the book "The Opposite of Loneliness" where the author reflects on her own mother trying to shield and protect her (because she is allergic to gluten) that I think would help your perspective a bit.
Anonymous
09/25/2020 18:45
Subject: Nephew’s allergies and my sister
Anonymous wrote:I think if you were in her shoes your behaviors may be wacky, too. Have some more empathy.
She was outside of her normal routine and comfort zone. Her behavior in a rental house that she was sharing with another family was probably not like her behavior in her own home, where she is in full control of her behavior and environment.
Maybe she learned that renting a house with others is a bad fit. But again, your reaction is less than empathetic.
+1 to all of this. We have a daughter who has very scary allergies and I can tell you flat out that I can be completely crazy about it. I try not to be but...