Anonymous wrote:I hear ya OP. Most days I’m ok, but I get in a funk every now and then (often hormone related.)

I’m divorced and watching my ex blissfully move on with the woman he cheated on me with. (They’re married and it’s been 4 years so it’s not a passing thing.) I feel stuck in my house and can’t afford the upgrades I want to do or to sell for something better. I’m not succeeding at work or with helping the kids with distance learning. I have lots of acquaintances, but no good local friends.

Usually it fades in a day or but I’ve spent the last two nights tossing and turning over it. The added exhaustion doesn’t help.

I'm in the beginning stages of this now. Everyone says "it never lasts," but I know many of these relationships do. I feel guilty that I want the father of my kids to get hit by a bus right now.

I hope you have a nice weekend and are kind to yourself.

Yes, but I'm still young enough to change it when COVID is over/start preparing for the change right now.

I am 32 and neither a "family woman" nor a "career woman". I feel like I wasted my 20s pursuing failed relationships and putting all eggs in one career basket that is not working out. I think I got too distracted and fixating on the trappings I thought X career would be like and Y relationship would be like and became disappointed with both. Now I'm going back to what makes me internally happy, and working on pursuing that.

I am a 50-year-old single woman, no kids, never married. I have a dog I love. I would be traveling or planning a fun trip right now. This COVID-19 situation has made me look around and see that I have no one but my dog. If something happened to me, no one but my dog would care. LoL.

Yes, there are aspects of it that really make me sad but the truth is I can take steps to fix them. For example, husband and I should really see a therapist. It starts with a conversation.
A lot of us who are miserable can take steps to improve things in our lives but we are too scared to do them or would rather stick to the status quo because making a change would mean putting in actual effort that is difficult and inconvenient.
So the bottom line is, while things do make me sad, my feeling of hopefulness is greater.

Pieces of my life resemble what I had envisioned, but many of the script deviations do not.

I got married and had kids timely, but did not envision the divorce. I have a successful career but not in a field that particularly interest me. The health concerns and sudden deaths of loved ones were also not included in the script.

The funny thing about planning your life out in your head is that no one ever includes the monkey wrenches in the envisioning process. The husband leaving up the toilet seat is the extent of the marital frustrations in the plans we create, lol.

I was feeling like this two years ago as I pictured myself in the same boring fed gov’t job with no upward mobility. I’ve since learned to work on gratitude for everything I have. There is so much suffering in this world, and it just seems to getting tougher for a huge chunk of the world’s population.

Anonymous wrote:Being with him is making you miserable, though. Why do this to yourself? You do NOT have to stick out 18 years. No need to be a martyr in that way for your kid

I’m not one to encourage divorce easily (been through a lot of ups and downs and stuck with it), but I agree with this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's a FOO?

A type of fighter.

I hear ya OP. Most days I’m ok, but I get in a funk every now and then (often hormone related.)

I’m divorced and watching my ex blissfully move on with the woman he cheated on me with. (They’re married and it’s been 4 years so it’s not a passing thing.) I feel stuck in my house and can’t afford the upgrades I want to do or to sell for something better. I’m not succeeding at work or with helping the kids with distance learning. I have lots of acquaintances, but no good local friends.

Usually it fades in a day or but I’ve spent the last two nights tossing and turning over it. The added exhaustion doesn’t help.

Being with him is making you miserable, though. Why do this to yourself? You do NOT have to stick out 18 years. No need to be a martyr in that way for your kid

Anonymous wrote:

jsmith123 wrote:It's totally normal to grieve an outcome that never materialized.

But if you get stuck in that grief, and it embitters you, consider seeing someone.

+1.

OP, your feelings are completely understandable. However, as we all know, how you feel about things changes nothing about the reality of them. It's more productive to enjoy what you have and to take steps to address what you aren't happy with.

Have you tried talking to your husband about how you feel? Could you talk to your doctor about whether you might be able to have another child? Have you considered adoption? Is there another career that you can pursue?

Good luck!

OP here. Thanks for this (and to everyone else who responded).

We’ve done therapy for years and nothing helps. He’s just not into me and therapy won’t fix that.

I can physically have children, but I’m not going to bring any more into this marriage. It wouldn’t be fair to the child. And I don’t think divorcing so I could have more kids is fair to my DC.

Nope

Are you me?

Anonymous wrote:What's a FOO?

A type of fighter.

jsmith123 wrote:It's totally normal to grieve an outcome that never materialized.

But if you get stuck in that grief, and it embitters you, consider seeing someone.

+1.

OP, your feelings are completely understandable. However, as we all know, how you feel about things changes nothing about the reality of them. It's more productive to enjoy what you have and to take steps to address what you aren't happy with.

Have you tried talking to your husband about how you feel? Could you talk to your doctor about whether you might be able to have another child? Have you considered adoption? Is there another career that you can pursue?

Good luck!