Is it possible that you’re not as hands on as you think, OP, and that she resents you? If that’s a possibility you might consider picking up your share of the work before planning a date is she’s actively avoiding you at this point.

Is it possible that you’re not as hands on as you think, OP, and that she resents you? If that’s a possibility you might consider picking up your share of the work before planning a date is she’s actively avoiding you at this point.

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you miss her (don't criticize or complain) and brainstorm other options, together.

This x1000.

My DH complains I don't spend enough time with him....usually while he's sitting on the couch watching tv and I'm taking care of our kids. Then he expects me to come up with a solution. When couple time becomes just another to-do on my list, yea, I don't wanna do it.

Anonymous wrote:How often is sex? How is it?

She does or does not like being touched?

op here. about once a month and stressed. touching at any time brings a negative reaction. kids seem needy-this could be normal for the young age. our family moved around a lot so may be a factor.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve got four kids 7 and under. We survive!

I'm drowning with a 6 and an 8 year old so I cannot imagine.

Anonymous wrote:It’s odd because the kids are older( no longer defenseless, nursing babies). Everything u described is normal but should end after a finite period.

the OP was a little misleading with "2 grade school kids" - they is a larger than average age gap. Oldest is 11 (6th grade) but the youngest JUST started (virtual) kindergarten ... so pretty young and needy still.

Anonymous wrote:So, your youngest went to school 2 weeks ago and it's virtual so he didn't really go to school. I would wait until your youngest child actually goes to school in person. A lot changes for a SAH mom when the kids are in school. Your big age gap has extended the period where kids are so needy.

this

I agree find a sitter for a standing date night every other week. Then it's planned and becomes part of everyone's routine. What did you like to do together before kids?

Sounds like DW may have anxiety that needs to be addressed. Its healthy and important to remain husband and wife apart from mom and dad. I will admit, sometimes as a SAHM DH has to remind me to turn mom off after the kids go to sleep. But I can't do it immediately. I need to go for a walk or take a bath or read for a little bit to decompress. Then I can regroup and be wife.

Take a week off work and have a staycation. Take on everything for a whole week including all distance learning, negotiating healthy meals, etc. See if it doesn’t impact your sex drive.

We both work full time and then some. My husband has always taken the baby overnights. He definitely has a lower drive than he used to as a result. Being touched out from kids and burdened by all their kid needs has that effect.

I’ve got four kids 7 and under. We survive!

It doesn’t sound like you are very hands on. If you were, then you would know the answer to that question.

DH and I WOH in the same field. He works there 50-60 hours/wk. I work there 15-20 hours/wk and manage the kids/house the rest of the time. I never have to guess or wonder what he is doing at work. Because I actually work there doing the same job.

You have been doing this job for 11 years, man. Why don’t you know the specifics about how much time it takes?

Anonymous wrote:i have 2 grade school kids and ever since they were born (11 years now) dw is stressed and all her time is dedicated to or worrying about the kids to the point that there is no time left for us. rarely up for sex and does like being touched. dw is sah so does most of the work with the kids, but I’m very hands on on as well. is this typical and a phase that will get better once both kids are in school full time and get older?

Assuming you work out of the home, what are your hours and what does that mean you’re very hands on. With what?

things don’t seem super bad or no big underlying issues so perhaps couples counseling would be a constructive place to voice your concerns and needs, and any she has as well.

Tell her you miss her (don't criticize or complain) and brainstorm other options, together.

Anonymous wrote:She's avoiding you. If you took up more of the kid responsibilities or if the kids weren't around as much, she'd find other ways to be too busy to spend much time with you.

So true.

It’s odd because the kids are older( no longer defenseless, nursing babies). Everything u described is normal but should end after a finite period.