Anonymous
09/16/2020 11:26
Subject: Do you regret having kids at a young age?
Anonymous wrote:I had a kid at twenty and a kid at forty. All the physical aspects of child bearing and rearing were a doddle at twenty. I was a young SAHM. Quick labor, I was out of the hospital in less than 24 hours, and right back into my size 4 jeans. It Was like being the mom AND the fun babysitter. Lots of parks and walks and enrichment and attachment parenting.
Financially, it was no fun. No money for babysitters or preschool. Very few vacations. No budget for food outside of home cooked. Severe compromise on housing choices. The thing I regret most, in hindsight, was not having a period in my life where I was only responsible for myself. It made me a more risk averse person than I think I was meant to be.
Having a child at forty was not fun, physically. I gained so much weight, felt exhausted all the time, and couldn’t spare the time for proper rest. There was the expense and anxiety of all the Advanced Maternal age rigamarole, the difficulty of fitting all the appointments into an already busy life, the pre-guilt of “what if something goes wrong”. Labor was rough and recovery not long enough.
There was money, though. Blessed money for take out food and supplemental child care and formula. Nice comfortable house, plenty of clothes so I wasn’t doing laundry 24/7. I was more laid back as a parent, didn’t feel like I had to be “on” all the time. However, I did miss that wonderful feeling of having one job- making baby happy without being regimented to within an inch on the clock.
I can’t honestly say one experience was better than the other. They both had their wonderful parts and drawbacks. But that’s life. It’s like a Mandelbrot pattern. Any part you slice out and look at is going to have the same pattern of good and bad.
Just to note that each pregnancy is different and there's no guarantee you won't gain weight when younger or that you will when older. I was lucky with my pregnancies at 35 and 39 and am at age 41 in the same size jeans I wore in high school. I also have lots of energy as long as I get my 7 hours per night. (I do have an issue with plantar fasciitis which was caused by pregnancy but age probably doesn't help!!) Anyway, my point is that pregnancies are a bit like lottery and you don't have a ton of control over your body, no matter your age.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 11:04
Subject: Do you regret having kids at a young age?
I met my husband at 32, after being in a long relationship in my 20s that I had known all along was not quite right for marriage and kids. We married when I was 35, and we had two kids relatively quickly thereafter. So you have time, although perhaps not a lot of it. I went on literally hundreds of dates and seriously dated three people, one of which was my husband. You do really have to dedicate yourself to the process as opposed to waiting to randomly meeting "the one" especially in times of COVID. The book/summary of "why men marry some women and not others" is overall a piece of sexist trash but it has a lot of nuggets of truth and is worth reading as a result. I think there is a summary somewhere online if you don't want to subject yourself to the actual book.*
Also, it sounds to me like you DO very much want a family. Don't shortchange yourself by telling yourself that you don't. Own it and go after it. Good luck.
*here it is:
http://bookoutlines.pbworks.com/w/page/14422733/Why%20Men%20Marry%20Some%20Women%20And%20Not%20Others
Also, it sounds to me like you DO very much want a family. Don't shortchange yourself by telling yourself that you don't. Own it and go after it. Good luck.
*here it is:
http://bookoutlines.pbworks.com/w/page/14422733/Why%20Men%20Marry%20Some%20Women%20And%20Not%20Others
Anonymous
09/16/2020 10:25
Subject: Re:Do you regret having kids at a young age?
I had my kids right out of college at 24 and 26. No, I don’t regret it at all!!! I was young enough when the youngest started school to go back and get me graduate degree and then start a career at 33 full out with no tracking. You need a good, stable partner to do what I did however.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 09:40
Subject: Do you regret having kids at a young age?
Anonymous wrote:Quite the opposite, I'm very thankful!
+1 I had my first at 26. Having my 4th at 35. My third and fourth pregnancy have been so much harder. I see friends my age who haven't even started families or are struggling with fertility problems. I cant even fathom starting all this in my late 30s. My kids are all in school right now and my career is thriving. I wrote a book between kid 2 and 3. Have traveled broadly. About to have ten year anniversary and we are happier than ever. To think of being done and having a fun family of 6 by 35 plus a career gives me deep satisfaction. I don't think there is any one right path but getting the hard stuff (physically) out of the way while young has major perks.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 09:26
Subject: Do you regret having kids at a young age?
Having had one in my early 20's and one at 33, I can tell you I far preferred my experience the second time around. You're doing okay OP.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 09:21
Subject: Do you regret having kids at a young age?
Anonymous wrote:I am approaching 30, have never married, and don’t have kids.
While I’m content with life, I have friends who are happily married and rounding out the bases 3-4 kids before 30.
I’ve accomplished a lot in my 20s (masters degree, several promotions) make a decent salary by DC standards, and own a small townhouse in Bethesda.
But there’s still a small part of that wonders, what could’ve been.
It also doesn’t help that I haven’t met a decent man in over year either. Maybe I need to check out Virginia.
Young age is <25, so I don’t think many on here meet that criteria
Anonymous
09/16/2020 09:20
Subject: Re:Do you regret having kids at a young age?
No. We are 54. Our kids are grown and living their lives. I do miss those crazy days of having a houseful of young kids sometimes. And I love when my kids come home to visit. But being a young empty nester is just the best!
Anonymous
09/16/2020 09:19
Subject: Do you regret having kids at a young age?
I had a kid at twenty and a kid at forty. All the physical aspects of child bearing and rearing were a doddle at twenty. I was a young SAHM. Quick labor, I was out of the hospital in less than 24 hours, and right back into my size 4 jeans. It Was like being the mom AND the fun babysitter. Lots of parks and walks and enrichment and attachment parenting.
Financially, it was no fun. No money for babysitters or preschool. Very few vacations. No budget for food outside of home cooked. Severe compromise on housing choices. The thing I regret most, in hindsight, was not having a period in my life where I was only responsible for myself. It made me a more risk averse person than I think I was meant to be.
Having a child at forty was not fun, physically. I gained so much weight, felt exhausted all the time, and couldn’t spare the time for proper rest. There was the expense and anxiety of all the Advanced Maternal age rigamarole, the difficulty of fitting all the appointments into an already busy life, the pre-guilt of “what if something goes wrong”. Labor was rough and recovery not long enough.
There was money, though. Blessed money for take out food and supplemental child care and formula. Nice comfortable house, plenty of clothes so I wasn’t doing laundry 24/7. I was more laid back as a parent, didn’t feel like I had to be “on” all the time. However, I did miss that wonderful feeling of having one job- making baby happy without being regimented to within an inch on the clock.
I can’t honestly say one experience was better than the other. They both had their wonderful parts and drawbacks. But that’s life. It’s like a Mandelbrot pattern. Any part you slice out and look at is going to have the same pattern of good and bad.
Financially, it was no fun. No money for babysitters or preschool. Very few vacations. No budget for food outside of home cooked. Severe compromise on housing choices. The thing I regret most, in hindsight, was not having a period in my life where I was only responsible for myself. It made me a more risk averse person than I think I was meant to be.
Having a child at forty was not fun, physically. I gained so much weight, felt exhausted all the time, and couldn’t spare the time for proper rest. There was the expense and anxiety of all the Advanced Maternal age rigamarole, the difficulty of fitting all the appointments into an already busy life, the pre-guilt of “what if something goes wrong”. Labor was rough and recovery not long enough.
There was money, though. Blessed money for take out food and supplemental child care and formula. Nice comfortable house, plenty of clothes so I wasn’t doing laundry 24/7. I was more laid back as a parent, didn’t feel like I had to be “on” all the time. However, I did miss that wonderful feeling of having one job- making baby happy without being regimented to within an inch on the clock.
I can’t honestly say one experience was better than the other. They both had their wonderful parts and drawbacks. But that’s life. It’s like a Mandelbrot pattern. Any part you slice out and look at is going to have the same pattern of good and bad.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 09:16
Subject: Do you regret having kids at a young age?
Anonymous wrote:Quite the opposite, I'm very thankful!
Same.
I had my first kid at 24.
My 4th was born a couple weeks before my 31st birthday.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 08:52
Subject: Re:Do you regret having kids at a young age?
Your title is odd - who cares if others regret having children at a young age? Are you trying to make yourself feel better because you didn't have kids before 30 and you would be happier if other people had but were unhappy? Think about that for a second.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 08:47
Subject: Do you regret having kids at a young age?
It’s very unusual to have 3-4 kids by 30 around here. I’m 45, and my oldest is 10. Some of his peers’ parents are having their fourth kid around now, but they are closer to 38-40.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 08:45
Subject: Do you regret having kids at a young age?
I don't think this way of thinking is very positive or helpful, OP. Whether people are happy with the path of their own lives, with very different goals and personalities, is irrelevant to what is best for your life and your happiness. Focus on achieving your goals and appreciating what you have! It sounds like you are doing well!
To answer your question honestly, I'm happy with the way my life went. By 30 I had my masters, house, 2 of my 3 kids and a dog. But my rather quiet suburban, family and pet focused lifestyle is not for everyone.
To answer your question honestly, I'm happy with the way my life went. By 30 I had my masters, house, 2 of my 3 kids and a dog. But my rather quiet suburban, family and pet focused lifestyle is not for everyone.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 00:12
Subject: Do you regret having kids at a young age?
By 30 I had my MBA, and was married with two kids, a house and a dog.
It's not a competition, OP. Just go at the pace that works for you.
It's not a competition, OP. Just go at the pace that works for you.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 00:08
Subject: Re:Do you regret having kids at a young age?
Nope. I'm very glad I had them young. I don't think it's something you should dwell on. Live your life! Just because you don't have any now, doesn't mean you won't have them at all.
Anonymous
09/16/2020 00:08
Subject: Re:Do you regret having kids at a young age?
I often think about what life would be like if I had my kids at 25. We would not have been able to buy a house or have a nanny or any of the other things that age and better jobs offer us, but man, to have my three kids be grown and out of college and only be 50 sounds amazing!! And glorious.
That said. I love my kids and love the time I have with then, so I wouldn't change anything.
That said. I love my kids and love the time I have with then, so I wouldn't change anything.