Anonymous
09/15/2020 08:50
Subject: Almost two year old not listening
I agree with a lot of the previous advice:
-Having a countdown/warning
-A transition song or phrase. We use "That was fun, but now it's done"
-Having a countdown/warning
-A transition song or phrase. We use "That was fun, but now it's done"
jsmith123
09/14/2020 12:31
Subject: Almost two year old not listening
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yup. It's a phase. Power throguh and be nice. Do consequences. Major tantrum means you don't get to go to a fun place. Which sucks for everyone.
Sucks the worst for the 2-yo who cannot understand “consequences” like this. Read about sequential brain development. Quit setting yourself up for frustration. Just pick up the toddler and go. Sing a song if it helps. Your adult brain can do this. A 2-yo brain cannot.
My just turned 2-yo can definitely understand "consequences," and has for a very long time. I'm guessing the other people promoting this have kids who can similarly understand. It's a good point to bring up----many kids can't, and therefore it may be inappropriate for OP. No need to shame the rest of us, though. Not all kids development the same and we're all just trying to be helpful based on our own experiences.
Yes, your special snowflake is years beyond every one else developmentally. ALL of the specialists (psychology, neurology, etc) are wrong.
"The prefrontal cortex is the last section of the brain to fully develop and is responsible for behaviour control and critical thinking. Before age 6, children are pre-operational in their thinking, which means they do not have the ability to think out plans and imagine consequences of those decisions. They do not have all the information in order to make the right decision. When they reach school-aged, from ages 6–13, they get better at understanding consequences and can make decisions. However, they do not have abstract thinking skills yet. School-aged children are still operational in their thinking which means they understand what is tangible and what is in their immediate environment – things they can readily see, hear, touch, smell and taste. They can’t think conceptually until the teen years, so they don’t understand the “gray” areas of decisions, or theory or ideology. Consequences demand that the chooser understands all aspects of the decision in order to make an informed choice.
Children are able to begin understanding consequences around age 6 and are much better at it around age 13. Parents and caregivers need to adjust their expectations accordingly. And consequences should never be given to punish children for their decisions. They need an adult/caregivers help to problem solve a solution instead of “pay” for their behaviour with a “consequence.”"
He definitely understands. I have a hard time believing that I'm the only one who can attest to their kid responding appropriately to if/then consequences.
People claimed that kids don't understand empathy until around age two, but it turns out that the average kid (not just my special snowflake) may start around 6 months. So, yeah, the experts all can be wrong, and I think a lot of parents (esp those with multiples close in age) would have been able to say it starts earlier than 2 without having seen the research.
I don't mean this in a negative way, but I consider 2 year olds to be similar to puppies. You can train certain behavior by immediate "consequences", but that doesn't mean they have the ability to control themselves.
Example, when my DS was 2, he learned that throwing his food resulted in meal time being over. He didn't learn it by me telling him "stop throwing food!" over and over. He learned because I would immediately remove his food and the meal was over.
So in that sense he "understood" a consequence, but a short-term immediate consequence.
He's 3 now, and he knows that if he leaves his room during quiet time, he can't watch video that day. That makes me feel like he "understands" that because he definitely learned not to do it.
Anonymous
09/14/2020 12:24
Subject: Almost two year old not listening
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yup. It's a phase. Power throguh and be nice. Do consequences. Major tantrum means you don't get to go to a fun place. Which sucks for everyone.
Sucks the worst for the 2-yo who cannot understand “consequences” like this. Read about sequential brain development. Quit setting yourself up for frustration. Just pick up the toddler and go. Sing a song if it helps. Your adult brain can do this. A 2-yo brain cannot.
My just turned 2-yo can definitely understand "consequences," and has for a very long time. I'm guessing the other people promoting this have kids who can similarly understand. It's a good point to bring up----many kids can't, and therefore it may be inappropriate for OP. No need to shame the rest of us, though. Not all kids development the same and we're all just trying to be helpful based on our own experiences.
Yes, your special snowflake is years beyond every one else developmentally. ALL of the specialists (psychology, neurology, etc) are wrong.
"The prefrontal cortex is the last section of the brain to fully develop and is responsible for behaviour control and critical thinking. Before age 6, children are pre-operational in their thinking, which means they do not have the ability to think out plans and imagine consequences of those decisions. They do not have all the information in order to make the right decision. When they reach school-aged, from ages 6–13, they get better at understanding consequences and can make decisions. However, they do not have abstract thinking skills yet. School-aged children are still operational in their thinking which means they understand what is tangible and what is in their immediate environment – things they can readily see, hear, touch, smell and taste. They can’t think conceptually until the teen years, so they don’t understand the “gray” areas of decisions, or theory or ideology. Consequences demand that the chooser understands all aspects of the decision in order to make an informed choice.
Children are able to begin understanding consequences around age 6 and are much better at it around age 13. Parents and caregivers need to adjust their expectations accordingly. And consequences should never be given to punish children for their decisions. They need an adult/caregivers help to problem solve a solution instead of “pay” for their behaviour with a “consequence.”"
He definitely understands. I have a hard time believing that I'm the only one who can attest to their kid responding appropriately to if/then consequences.
People claimed that kids don't understand empathy until around age two, but it turns out that the average kid (not just my special snowflake) may start around 6 months. So, yeah, the experts all can be wrong, and I think a lot of parents (esp those with multiples close in age) would have been able to say it starts earlier than 2 without having seen the research.
Anonymous
09/14/2020 11:27
Subject: Almost two year old not listening
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yup. It's a phase. Power throguh and be nice. Do consequences. Major tantrum means you don't get to go to a fun place. Which sucks for everyone.
Sucks the worst for the 2-yo who cannot understand “consequences” like this. Read about sequential brain development. Quit setting yourself up for frustration. Just pick up the toddler and go. Sing a song if it helps. Your adult brain can do this. A 2-yo brain cannot.
My just turned 2-yo can definitely understand "consequences," and has for a very long time. I'm guessing the other people promoting this have kids who can similarly understand. It's a good point to bring up----many kids can't, and therefore it may be inappropriate for OP. No need to shame the rest of us, though. Not all kids development the same and we're all just trying to be helpful based on our own experiences.
Yes, your special snowflake is years beyond every one else developmentally. ALL of the specialists (psychology, neurology, etc) are wrong.
"The prefrontal cortex is the last section of the brain to fully develop and is responsible for behaviour control and critical thinking. Before age 6, children are pre-operational in their thinking, which means they do not have the ability to think out plans and imagine consequences of those decisions. They do not have all the information in order to make the right decision. When they reach school-aged, from ages 6–13, they get better at understanding consequences and can make decisions. However, they do not have abstract thinking skills yet. School-aged children are still operational in their thinking which means they understand what is tangible and what is in their immediate environment – things they can readily see, hear, touch, smell and taste. They can’t think conceptually until the teen years, so they don’t understand the “gray” areas of decisions, or theory or ideology. Consequences demand that the chooser understands all aspects of the decision in order to make an informed choice.
Children are able to begin understanding consequences around age 6 and are much better at it around age 13. Parents and caregivers need to adjust their expectations accordingly. And consequences should never be given to punish children for their decisions. They need an adult/caregivers help to problem solve a solution instead of “pay” for their behaviour with a “consequence.”"
Anonymous
09/14/2020 04:56
Subject: Almost two year old not listening
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yup. It's a phase. Power throguh and be nice. Do consequences. Major tantrum means you don't get to go to a fun place. Which sucks for everyone.
Sucks the worst for the 2-yo who cannot understand “consequences” like this. Read about sequential brain development. Quit setting yourself up for frustration. Just pick up the toddler and go. Sing a song if it helps. Your adult brain can do this. A 2-yo brain cannot.
Yep, it’s all in how you frame it. They are not melting down to test you, or to be mean, or to manipulate you. They are melting down because they are experiencing an uncomfortable feeling like disappointment or frustration, and they have limited skills for dealing with it. Your job is to model these skills and to be a calm and supportive guide.
If I set ultimatums (“we are leaving the playground now or no treat after dinner”) it will generally make the meltdown worse, not better, because it will heighten the feeling she’s having. Often my toddler just needs to feel like she has some choice in the matter (“We are leaving the playground, do you want to walk or ride in the stroller?”) or have something else to focus on that isn’t the end of something (we struggle with bedtime, so we talk about how sleep can be fun because you can go anywhere or do anything in your dreams).
Anonymous
09/14/2020 01:36
Subject: Almost two year old not listening
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yup. It's a phase. Power throguh and be nice. Do consequences. Major tantrum means you don't get to go to a fun place. Which sucks for everyone.
Sucks the worst for the 2-yo who cannot understand “consequences” like this. Read about sequential brain development. Quit setting yourself up for frustration. Just pick up the toddler and go. Sing a song if it helps. Your adult brain can do this. A 2-yo brain cannot.
My just turned 2-yo can definitely understand "consequences," and has for a very long time. I'm guessing the other people promoting this have kids who can similarly understand. It's a good point to bring up----many kids can't, and therefore it may be inappropriate for OP. No need to shame the rest of us, though. Not all kids development the same and we're all just trying to be helpful based on our own experiences.