I was always good at making friends until I graduated from college. I don't know what it is, but I haven't had a BFF type of friend in years.

Anonymous wrote:I am a good friend to others, I just have a hard time breaking into the friendship. At my kids stuff I don’t talk to other families and it’s because I’m shy and I think that comes off as unapproachable which I hate. How do you all make an effort to talk to others without coming across as a busybody? I stay in my lane. I am the type of friend who would give you the shirt off my back, hate gossips, don’t keep score, etc just find it incredibly difficult since we moved here 3 years ago to meet people. Husband is always gone for work. It’s incredibly lonely since I only have my long distance friends to visit.

Just smile and share an observation, or ask a question. “It’s the perfect day for a good game!“ or “I really like the non-skid sucks your little one has, can you share where you got them?”

Just say something. Often a conversation develops naturally if you just smile and speak. Sometimes momentum builds, sometimes it doesn’t. But start with a smile!

Anonymous wrote:I’m very good at meeting people but very shy about taking it to the next level. I think it’s a deep seated insecurity I have that I worry I will be turned down. As a result, I know lots of people but have few close friends.

this is me. add to that the fact that most people are very busy and I am very busy, and yeah, I have a lot of acquaintenances that I am friendly with.

I am a good friend to others, I just have a hard time breaking into the friendship. At my kids stuff I don’t talk to other families and it’s because I’m shy and I think that comes off as unapproachable which I hate. How do you all make an effort to talk to others without coming across as a busybody? I stay in my lane. I am the type of friend who would give you the shirt off my back, hate gossips, don’t keep score, etc just find it incredibly difficult since we moved here 3 years ago to meet people. Husband is always gone for work. It’s incredibly lonely since I only have my long distance friends to visit.

Anonymous wrote:I’m very good at meeting people but very shy about taking it to the next level. I think it’s a deep seated insecurity I have that I worry I will be turned down. As a result, I know lots of people but have few close friends.

I feel you, PP. I think there are a lot of us out there.

I’m very good at meeting people but very shy about taking it to the next level. I think it’s a deep seated insecurity I have that I worry I will be turned down. As a result, I know lots of people but have few close friends.

I've always been good at making friends-- even as a child. I'm friendly, easygoing, encouraging, and a I laugh a lot.

Oddly, I've never really cared about having friends. The older I get the less I care. For the most part, I find people to be exhausting. What starts out as a friendship typically turns into something competitive and weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Foreign service and military kids are very good at it. Short tours of duty are a focusing experience. There's more at stake to make friends because they're starting from zero. They get to practice making friends every time they move.

Not true! I’m a brat and terrible at it, as are most brats I know. Losing our friends after every move didn’t make us good at making friends, it just meant we spent a lot of time friendless.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Maybe because I don’t try to? I’m the same person everywhere. 100% authentic.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Foreign service and military kids are very good at it. Short tours of duty are a focusing experience. There's more at stake to make friends because they're starting from zero. They get to practice making friends every time they move.

Yes but in My experience foreign service brats often make shallow friendships and aren’t good long-term friends. They have weird attachment issues. We can just move on quickly. I think sometimes they can experience this weird attachment in romantic relationships as well. They create emotional intimacy quickly and make the other person feel like they are very into them but it doesn’t really mean anything.

I disagree, and we were a FS family for a while. My kids (in college now) still have friends from elementary school that they travel to see and we host them at our house when they visit. I also have two friends we met overseas and 20 years later we are still friends.

Yes — I’m a good listener and I can find something of interest and something to admire in lots of different people, My mom showed me how to do that.

BTW, to the earlier PPs who compared friendships in England to those among Americans, I would note that my mom was British. Interestingly, though, she was the daughter of immigrants. Does being an immigrant make you better at friendships? Maybe — IME, immigrants tends to be curious and open-minded — good qualities for those seeking friendship.

Making friends is easy when you are young. It is hard to maintain them and gets increasingly hard to meet people and become friends as you age, simply due to loss of opportunity.

I am not the most amazing person at making friends, but I still have a mix of long-time and more recent friends. Because I struggle sometimes with making new friends, my friends tend to be very gregarious people who can help bridge that gap. But the nice thing about our friendships is that while they tend to be better at stuff like reaching out more and making plans, I am good at the stuff that helps keep people invested in one another’s lives. I am good at making meaningful conversation (not just about the news or whatever but about people’s lives and the stuff that really matters). I’m also pretty generous and thoughtful, the sort of friend who will realize that you may be struggling and drop of some fresh baked bread as a pick-you-up.

I have learned as I’ve gotten older that I need to be somewhat discerning with making friends. I’ve had some close friends who turned out to be very harmful, and I regret get close to them. I’ve learned to pay attention to how people treat me and not write off certain behavior fir the sake of the friendship. Friends who consistently belittle, ignore, or dismiss you are not worthwhile to keep around.

Anonymous wrote:Foreign service and military kids are very good at it. Short tours of duty are a focusing experience. There's more at stake to make friends because they're starting from zero. They get to practice making friends every time they move.

Not true! I’m a brat and terrible at it, as are most brats I know. Losing our friends after every move didn’t make us good at making friends, it just meant we spent a lot of time friendless.

I think this is what has helped me:

Having a genuine interest in other people
Being positive and lighthearted. Like to have fun and want others to have fun as well
Being generous and unselfish
Try to find something in common with others
Treating everyone the same and as an equal no better or worse

Yes, I make friends easily everywhere I go because I’m genuinely curious about people and hearing about their lives. I ask a lot of questions. I’m not great at maintaining them or keeping up with people who I don’t see on a regular basis.