Every kid is different. A lot of people think yelling primarily varies by the adult but they're missing the correlated factor of genetics. I know families that have 2 out of 2 kids who are very difficult. I know families with 3 out of 3 kids that are easy kids. I got a mixture. I have one son who is super easygoing, listens, follows rules, empathizes with others. I have another son who can only be classified as an asshole - reckless disregard for other people, no concern for hurting others' feelings, causing difficulty in the house. For example yesterday it was a beautiful sunny day, the kids were off school, I made them breakfast, we were having a great conversation and suddenly he decides to poke his brother in the testicles as hard as he can. Pain, suffering, crying, everyone's morning ruined by this little shit. So yeah, I yell at him sometimes.

Only when they could hurt themselves or someone else (so basically never). Then I just yell "No, No, No" or "Stop, Stop" and their name.

I am their mom. I don't yell unnecessarily. Which means that I do yell when necessary. I have good kids who walk on the straight and narrow.

OP here again. Thanks everyone. We all have different perspectives and I appreciate seeing the responses.

In this case, DD (3), dumped all the pajamas from her dresser on the floor and was pretending they were a skating rink during her nap time. She also dumped out the laundry basket so I didn't know which were clean and which were dirty so it meant washing all of her clothes. So yeah, I was annoyed. I yelled LARLA! and it scared her and she cried. I asked her why she did that and that's when she explained the skating rink to me. In hindsight, not a big deal but not a behavior I was too encourage.

jsmith123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious for the non yell era do you all have toddlers? Like my 2.5 goes down the stairs without holding the rail alone, runs to touch weird mushrooms, refuses to do anything I say, climbs ridiculous things when hiking, puts hands and feet in mud with disgusting things, he can hear he’s just stubborn, do you have this kid? Because saying adult voice over and over and over again gets nothing unless I get physical and pick him up. You must have angel kids that I see on Instagram that sit there quietly and listen to everything you say.

I think the key is intervening physically after the first time you say something. So, you say "please stay out of the mud" and then he heads straight for it, and you have to swoop in and pick him up and say "I don't want you in the mud because XYZ". Then you physically prevent him from doing it.

It sucks because you have to be close by, but expecting a kid that age to follow directions is a bit of a fool's errand. This is why I find this age so exhausting.

I see my husband does that but I find it odd because it’s not teaching them anything jus that we’re stronger than them and then when he’s 8 or 9 I can’t just swoop him out but maybe I’ll change my approach. So even though I’m close I end up starting calm then nagging over and over and then yelling until he listens. And yes this is exhausting.

My oldest has severe ADHD.

When he was in elementary, I would yell at him every day.
In middle school he was medicated and yelling stopped.
In high school he could not be medicated anymore because of side effects, and 9th grade was hard, but he matured and while ADHD is still a terrible handicap for him, somehow the issues are not ones where yelling is involved.

We have never yelled at our other kids. They have never had behavioral issues.

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious for the non yell era do you all have toddlers? Like my 2.5 goes down the stairs without holding the rail alone, runs to touch weird mushrooms, refuses to do anything I say, climbs ridiculous things when hiking, puts hands and feet in mud with disgusting things, he can hear he’s just stubborn, do you have this kid? Because saying adult voice over and over and over again gets nothing unless I get physical and pick him up. You must have angel kids that I see on Instagram that sit there quietly and listen to everything you say.

I think the key is intervening physically after the first time you say something. So, you say "please stay out of the mud" and then he heads straight for it, and you have to swoop in and pick him up and say "I don't want you in the mud because XYZ". Then you physically prevent him from doing it.

It sucks because you have to be close by, but expecting a kid that age to follow directions is a bit of a fool's errand. This is why I find this age so exhausting.

A lot. Otherwise they will not hear me or respond.

I’m curious for the non yell era do you all have toddlers? Like my 2.5 goes down the stairs without holding the rail alone, runs to touch weird mushrooms, refuses to do anything I say, climbs ridiculous things when hiking, puts hands and feet in mud with disgusting things, he can hear he’s just stubborn, do you have this kid? Because saying adult voice over and over and over again gets nothing unless I get physical and pick him up. You must have angel kids that I see on Instagram that sit there quietly and listen to everything you say.

Unfortunately I raise my voice with one of my children almost daily .... the other one almost never. I am working on myself and how to stay more calm with my one who is more defiant and likes torturing their younger sibling.

I grew up in a household where my mom yelled. All the damn time. And cried for that extra dramatic effect. I’ve yelled at my kid once and that’s because he was about to get hit by someone on a bicycle and wasn’t watching whatsoever. Otherwise I don’t yell, there’s no reason to do so. I wouldn’t yell at my spouse or my friends or coworkers, so why yell at my kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with apologizing to your child. Tell her you were upset and you are sorry and you were wrong. It’s a new day and you will try to do better.

Signed, Mom who has yelled plenty.

Yes to this. I’m less likely to yell than I am to go silent-mad, but either way I always sit down with my kid later and talk through what happened, apologize if I need to, and let her know that being frustrated with someone you love doesn’t negate the love.

Lately we also talk a lot in our house about how everyone (read: mommy) needs alone time because the 24/7 togetherness, compounded by having a child who is extremely attached to me at the moment, has really been fraying Mommy’s nerves.

You guys are awesome. I wish I had had the same growing up! I’m a mom now and I’m doing what you’re doing and it’s nice to read these types of things because it helps me know that I’m doing the right things and that what I grew up with was NOT okay (screaming, out of control rages for the slightest of infractions that usually resulted in her beating me while my enabling father looked on or pretended it wasn’t happening). And don’t worry, I don’t have contact with either of the psychopaths who raised me.

In general I don't yell unless they're like, running into the street or about to touch fire or something.

I yell TO them if they're loud and I need their attention, but that's just yelling their names to be heard over the noise.

We're not a yelly family.

I honestly don't know how often... maybe once a week? But I wish it were less.

Just this morning I screamed at my boys who were putting the hungry hungry hippo balls into their mouths and spitting them at each other. I wanted to scare them though. That's actually dangerous.

All the time.