Anonymous wrote:What? I'm an English major with a Master's degree who has presented at literary conferences. And I don't for a second think reading is "my thing" or books are "my thing" and gets jealous when my sister talks abut her book club.

I mean...lots of people like books. That's how book clubs exist. That's like saying watching TV or eating chips is "your thing."

My sister is a pastor. Should she feel like I'm encroaching when I go to church or celebrate Easter or pray?

My goodness. Grow up. I'd say get a hobby but then you'd just be copying people who knit or play tennis.

Anonymous wrote:I have a younger sister who a lot of people call my shadow.

Over the years I have learned to only share things that I won't mind her copying. Most of the time I find it complimentary, but sometimes it does drive me crazy.

Anonymous wrote:I would expect my sister, who grew up in the same city, in the same SES, with the same mom, who is the same race, to have very similar style to me. I mean, really??

Reading books is also not really a niche hobby.

I don't think she's copying you at all...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here and I am sympathetic. I've got two DDs (both older teens now) and it just seems like the younger one (DD2) is better at everything. She's extremely athletic, and artistic, and gets better grades and is in a more rigorous academic course path.

One example: When they were younger, we had them in the same sport, and DD2 was so good she was put 2 years up onto DD1's team.

Part of this, though, is DD2's work ethic, which is standard deviation(s) from the norm. She is not a procrastinator and she's always looking to learn or improve on something, while my DD1 is more of a 'normal' teen and likes to watch her phone.

However; speaking to OP, I recognize how hard it is when you have someone in the family who is like that. The key is, finishing that sentence...it could be "someone in the family who is more talented than me," or "someone in the family that is hyper-talented."

I think that was the key to DD1 becoming ok with it. Realizing that DD2 was not just more talented than her, but more talented than many people. I recall DD1 saying, "DD2 wasn't just better than me on the team, she was better than all the (2 years older players) on the team."

So if you shift your reference point from "just you" to the general population or peer group, it becomes easier. "Mini-me-but-better" goes away.

I'm sure it was hard for your older daughter to deal with having a precocious little sister, but it sounds like OP is more concerned with the fact that her little sister is copying her interests and life choices, making it hard for OP to pursue her interests without constantly feeling like her sister is looking over her shoulder. These are different situations.

Anonymous wrote:NP here and I am sympathetic. I've got two DDs (both older teens now) and it just seems like the younger one (DD2) is better at everything. She's extremely athletic, and artistic, and gets better grades and is in a more rigorous academic course path.

One example: When they were younger, we had them in the same sport, and DD2 was so good she was put 2 years up onto DD1's team.

Part of this, though, is DD2's work ethic, which is standard deviation(s) from the norm. She is not a procrastinator and she's always looking to learn or improve on something, while my DD1 is more of a 'normal' teen and likes to watch her phone.

However; speaking to OP, I recognize how hard it is when you have someone in the family who is like that. The key is, finishing that sentence...it could be "someone in the family who is more talented than me," or "someone in the family that is hyper-talented."

I think that was the key to DD1 becoming ok with it. Realizing that DD2 was not just more talented than her, but more talented than many people. I recall DD1 saying, "DD2 wasn't just better than me on the team, she was better than all the (2 years older players) on the team."

So if you shift your reference point from "just you" to the general population or peer group, it becomes easier. "Mini-me-but-better" goes away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't experienced this with a sister but I have had people in my life who copy everything I do. Not sure about your examples but I had a friend once who would literally buy the same clothes I had. She also started referring to my closest friends (who I had known for a decade and she'd met like six months prior... through me) as her best friends. She also mysteriously started sharing anecdotes from her past that weirdly resembled stories I had told about college or my childhood. She would even mimic my social media posts, posting things that resembled almost word for word something I'd posted months or even years before. It was creepy and frustrating and like you, if I said anything about it, people told me that imitation is a form of flattery or that I needed to get over it.

They were right about getting over it but wrong about the flattery. People who do this aren't flattering you. They are insecure and afraid of failure, so they find people who can do the trial run for them. Then, once they see that others (parents, friends, people on social media) respond positively to something, they copy it, sometimes even doing a more refined version (after all, its easier to improve on a previous draft). It's messed up and has nothing to do with their affection or admiration for you. It has to do with their own perfectionism and they are simply using you as a conduit.

The way I got through it was that I became more discreet about certain things in my life. If I was working on getting a new job or picking up a new hobby, I didn't post about it on social media at all and I only discussed it with people who I knew wouldn't talk to my copycat about it (this actually took a while to figure out). I shared things with close friends, but otherwise I only told people about stuff once it was done (like announcing I'd gotten into grad school or that I'd gotten a new job).

At first this was hard because I felt like I was being forced to to act differently just to escape my copycat. But with time, I found that I preferred to be more discreet and that it gave me more room to do things for their own sake and because I really cared about them, and worry less about being validated by lots of people. I found my interests shifted a little bit, and for the better. I posted less on social media because I was less worried about looking like I was having a good time than actually having a good time.

I'm sure this would only be harder with a sister, but I think the basic principles are the same: be more discreet, try not to share things when they are still in progress, and focus more on what YOU like and try not to focus on what other people think about it. Even though my copycat was not a "normal" part of life (I genuinely feel sorry for her), I do think she forced me to essentially just become more mature and thoughtful about life.

Best of luck to you!

That friend sounds very troubled but is completely unrelated to op’s situation. One sister of mine knits-I liked her hats and asked her to teach me how and now I also knit. My brother got really into scandi noir after I told him about a series I was reading. Those are normal and it would be bizarre for me to take offense at my brother or feel I had wronged mister. Those examples are much more like what op described than your single white female scenario.

Anonymous wrote:I haven't experienced this with a sister but I have had people in my life who copy everything I do. Not sure about your examples but I had a friend once who would literally buy the same clothes I had. She also started referring to my closest friends (who I had known for a decade and she'd met like six months prior... through me) as her best friends. She also mysteriously started sharing anecdotes from her past that weirdly resembled stories I had told about college or my childhood. She would even mimic my social media posts, posting things that resembled almost word for word something I'd posted months or even years before. It was creepy and frustrating and like you, if I said anything about it, people told me that imitation is a form of flattery or that I needed to get over it.

They were right about getting over it but wrong about the flattery. People who do this aren't flattering you. They are insecure and afraid of failure, so they find people who can do the trial run for them. Then, once they see that others (parents, friends, people on social media) respond positively to something, they copy it, sometimes even doing a more refined version (after all, its easier to improve on a previous draft). It's messed up and has nothing to do with their affection or admiration for you. It has to do with their own perfectionism and they are simply using you as a conduit.

The way I got through it was that I became more discreet about certain things in my life. If I was working on getting a new job or picking up a new hobby, I didn't post about it on social media at all and I only discussed it with people who I knew wouldn't talk to my copycat about it (this actually took a while to figure out). I shared things with close friends, but otherwise I only told people about stuff once it was done (like announcing I'd gotten into grad school or that I'd gotten a new job).

At first this was hard because I felt like I was being forced to to act differently just to escape my copycat. But with time, I found that I preferred to be more discreet and that it gave me more room to do things for their own sake and because I really cared about them, and worry less about being validated by lots of people. I found my interests shifted a little bit, and for the better. I posted less on social media because I was less worried about looking like I was having a good time than actually having a good time.

I'm sure this would only be harder with a sister, but I think the basic principles are the same: be more discreet, try not to share things when they are still in progress, and focus more on what YOU like and try not to focus on what other people think about it. Even though my copycat was not a "normal" part of life (I genuinely feel sorry for her), I do think she forced me to essentially just become more mature and thoughtful about life.

Best of luck to you!

Anonymous wrote:Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Anonymous wrote:Find a really unique hobby and see if she copies it. The things you have mentioned are pretty standard OP.

Start raising miniature goats, or making dioramas of murder scenes, or writing star trek fan fiction,.or dressing your pets up in matching cosplay costumes for their own instagram. Then, if she copies you, you know it's copying and not just standard interests from being in the same family and growing up in the same place.