Anonymous
09/09/2020 14:42
Subject: When / how did you move on from wanting another
We have three and I have been absolutely done the moment the third was born. We initially wanted two, but we kept thinking of another after the secondo was born... both DH and I wanted a third, but were afraid of admitting it. After the first and only birth control fail, I got pregnant with the third. We were both happy and scared. The third is amazing and we are very happy about our “accident“, but DH got a vasectomy a few months aft #3 was born and I have never thought of another baby since... I am done.. not sad... not nostalgic... nothing.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 14:37
Subject: Re:When / how did you move on from wanting another
Even if you get NIPT and an amnio/cvs, there are still pretty dire genetic things that can happen randomly and you won’t find out til birth. Ask me how I know.
If you’re trying to get yourself on board with stopping, consider how you’d feel if your 3rd/4th baby has significant special needs and there’s no way to avoid it.
If you’re trying to get yourself on board with stopping, consider how you’d feel if your 3rd/4th baby has significant special needs and there’s no way to avoid it.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 14:25
Subject: When / how did you move on from wanting another
Definitely time. My two were older and I no longer could imagine doing the baby stages again. Plus I was older.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 14:21
Subject: When / how did you move on from wanting another
OP, I could have written a very similar post. My spouse was undecided for a few years, and at this point, another kid is not happening. I disagree, though, that your other kids getting out of the baby stage will make everyone stop wanting more. My youngest is 5, and I am definitely not over it. Also, we traveled, etc a ton when they were babies and toddlers, so I don’t see another baby as holding us back from fun activities.
I guess, with time, I will eventually think about it less and less and move on completely. I don’t have a great answer for doing so more quickly.
I guess, with time, I will eventually think about it less and less and move on completely. I don’t have a great answer for doing so more quickly.
Anonymous
09/08/2020 17:45
Subject: Re:When / how did you move on from wanting another
Agree it's normal. We both were set on only having 2, I was relieved to be done with pregnancy (though I had easy pregancies and enjoyed them, I'm an anxious person and a worrier so it was a little stressful), and we wanted to stay in our house which would be tight with a third. But I still had baby fever even though I knew I didn't want another.
Anonymous
09/08/2020 16:47
Subject: Re:When / how did you move on from wanting another
Anonymous wrote:I have an only child. Got pregnant easily with my daughter, easy pregnancy and delivery, and then started TTC #2 when she turned 1. Found out I had unexplained secondary infertility when she was 15 months old.
We tried for 5 years to have baby #2. I never got a positive pregnancy test in all that time.
It was really, really tough since I got pregnant on the first try the first time around and never imagined I would have infertility issues, plus our tests were all normal. The preschool years were especially tough--everyone was having second and third kids. Even Kindergarten was tough--lots of moms having more kids.
Now my daughter is in early elementary and it's gotten a little better, most of my friends have completed their families by now so there are no new pregnancy announcements. But I'm the only one with an only child in my social circle and I am excluded a lot, since all of my friends have a 7 year old and then a younger sibling, and the others get together without me since the younger siblings all play together.
We've also been trying for about 5 years. Had one short-lived pregnancy. For us age is the factor but I got pregnant so easily with my first two that it was hard to accept that I had crossed the imaginary line from fertile to infertile.
I have accepted that I won't have a third from my body but haven't fully moved on from the desire for a baby. Sometimes I think of that Opera wish to the universe thing - dear universe I am just putting this out there that I want a baby, any baby, I don't care how.
You don't always get what you want. So this may just be one thing I desperately want and never get.
Anonymous
09/08/2020 11:35
Subject: When / how did you move on from wanting another
It faded over time, for a variety of reasons. Financial planning really helped me get over my two “ missing” kids. We couldn’t do college for four, but we could for two. We couldn’t do vacations, a nice house, a nice retirement, extracurricular activities, etc. Life would have been spare. It also helped that if I got pregnant now, I would be delivering at 40. I just couldn’t imagine how sad I would be if we had a time-consuming special needs kid for our third or fourth. I really wanted my kid to have a sibling, no matter who showed up, so we were willing to take the risk to conceive #2.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 15:22
Subject: Re:When / how did you move on from wanting another
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Got pregnant and had a miscarriage for my second pregnancy. Health issues for DH who is several years older than me and I am in my late 30's. I did not have an easy 1st pregnancy and the early pregnancy and loss reminded me of this. I'd have to go off a medication during pregnancy that I'd otherwise be on, which poses some risks for me, and this was not an issue during my first pregnancy.
We had DC1 relatively early and have a great, easy kid. We, and grandparents who help a lot, are years older now. We gave the 2nd pregnancy a try and it was a miscarriage and feels final for us.
Pluses for us:
-We want to start travelling again once covid eases up. With one kid we can travel internationally each year and give many opportunities to our kid. Our child loves to travel and gets so much out of it.
-Ours is a low stress life with more time and money, and more time with my spouse. (Double Income, One Elem Kid)
-We won't have to worry about treating multiple kids equally. We can just make decisions for our one kid.
-Happiness research suggests one kid is optimal for happiness, and the mother's happiness especially goes down with 2nd kid.
Best of luck, not easy life choices.
Thank you for mentioning this. I am deep in this struggle and I feel like I only ever hear people talking about the negatives of having an only child. It's good to be reminded that there are plenty of positives, too. We may still have a second, but having an only is a valid choice and obviously one many people are happy with.
Please share any links on this! TBH op, I'm still sad about it sometimes with an only child ten year old. I wanted a second and my dh did when we married, but changed his mind. I thought we'd try again when first child was 3. I probably could have forced the issue, but this is not something you want your partner forced into.
I don't want to freak you out. I was fine with the situation for the last few years, but covid had been extra hard without a built in playmate in some ways. But it also is easier in others, I'm reminded, when I hear bickering kids in the background of zoom calls.
I may never be over it 100% but it's not at all consuming. It just surfaces now and then.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 13:29
Subject: Re:When / how did you move on from wanting another
Anonymous wrote:Got pregnant and had a miscarriage for my second pregnancy. Health issues for DH who is several years older than me and I am in my late 30's. I did not have an easy 1st pregnancy and the early pregnancy and loss reminded me of this. I'd have to go off a medication during pregnancy that I'd otherwise be on, which poses some risks for me, and this was not an issue during my first pregnancy.
We had DC1 relatively early and have a great, easy kid. We, and grandparents who help a lot, are years older now. We gave the 2nd pregnancy a try and it was a miscarriage and feels final for us.
Pluses for us:
-We want to start travelling again once covid eases up. With one kid we can travel internationally each year and give many opportunities to our kid. Our child loves to travel and gets so much out of it.
-Ours is a low stress life with more time and money, and more time with my spouse. (Double Income, One Elem Kid)
-We won't have to worry about treating multiple kids equally. We can just make decisions for our one kid.
-Happiness research suggests one kid is optimal for happiness, and the mother's happiness especially goes down with 2nd kid.
Best of luck, not easy life choices.
Thank you for mentioning this. I am deep in this struggle and I feel like I only ever hear people talking about the negatives of having an only child. It's good to be reminded that there are plenty of positives, too. We may still have a second, but having an only is a valid choice and obviously one many people are happy with.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 13:24
Subject: When / how did you move on from wanting another
Op, I think you are making it unnecessarily hard on yourself. Yes baby stuff should be out of sight. And yes it has o leave the house --but -- If you're this worked-up about the decision, at this time, you should not be "going through" and sorting the stuff. Your just ramping-up the drama
Anonymous
09/07/2020 12:00
Subject: Re:When / how did you move on from wanting another
Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel the same, though my DH isn’t dead set against. Our youngest is 3 and we feel we need to decide now if we are going to go for it. Our age is a factor as well. I think I am almost afraid to say yes, let’s do it, because what if we can’t conceive? The pandemic is making me feel almost ambivalent. It’s hard to give up on the possibility if something wonderful, even when you are happy with what you already have.
this is so beautifully said
Anonymous
09/07/2020 11:58
Subject: When / how did you move on from wanting another
Anonymous wrote:Just moving on from the baby/preschool life. Once your other kids are done with strollers and car seats and pack n plays and naps and you can have awesome adventures and play more adult type board games and take incredible vacations, etc. you start to realize that another child would have hit the reset button on all of those things. That, and also knowing we can help our two so much more with college, grad school, first homes, etc. because there are just two of them. Oh, and I don’t want any more laundry.
My kids are currently 20 and 4 months and if we have a third I feel like I need to decide ASAP for this exact reason. I don't want to go back to diapers and naps and car seats when the older two are done with them.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 10:21
Subject: Re:When / how did you move on from wanting another
I have an only child. Got pregnant easily with my daughter, easy pregnancy and delivery, and then started TTC #2 when she turned 1. Found out I had unexplained secondary infertility when she was 15 months old.
We tried for 5 years to have baby #2. I never got a positive pregnancy test in all that time.
It was really, really tough since I got pregnant on the first try the first time around and never imagined I would have infertility issues, plus our tests were all normal. The preschool years were especially tough--everyone was having second and third kids. Even Kindergarten was tough--lots of moms having more kids.
Now my daughter is in early elementary and it's gotten a little better, most of my friends have completed their families by now so there are no new pregnancy announcements. But I'm the only one with an only child in my social circle and I am excluded a lot, since all of my friends have a 7 year old and then a younger sibling, and the others get together without me since the younger siblings all play together.
We tried for 5 years to have baby #2. I never got a positive pregnancy test in all that time.
It was really, really tough since I got pregnant on the first try the first time around and never imagined I would have infertility issues, plus our tests were all normal. The preschool years were especially tough--everyone was having second and third kids. Even Kindergarten was tough--lots of moms having more kids.
Now my daughter is in early elementary and it's gotten a little better, most of my friends have completed their families by now so there are no new pregnancy announcements. But I'm the only one with an only child in my social circle and I am excluded a lot, since all of my friends have a 7 year old and then a younger sibling, and the others get together without me since the younger siblings all play together.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 10:19
Subject: When / how did you move on from wanting another
It's normal. It's a life option closing off and in a very visible/palpable way. You're going to have to mourn that in your own way.
We have two and don't think I or anyone else would be happier if we have three, but it's still tough knowing that those "firsts" are also "lasts." Last breastfeeding session, last time crawling, last sleep sack, last tiny pair of socks...
I keep a few of the favorite things around and check in periodically to see if the hormones have settled and I can declutter some more. Sometimes I just can't and I pack it all back up and just remind myself to count my many many lucky stars instead of wallowing.
We have two and don't think I or anyone else would be happier if we have three, but it's still tough knowing that those "firsts" are also "lasts." Last breastfeeding session, last time crawling, last sleep sack, last tiny pair of socks...
I keep a few of the favorite things around and check in periodically to see if the hormones have settled and I can declutter some more. Sometimes I just can't and I pack it all back up and just remind myself to count my many many lucky stars instead of wallowing.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 10:08
Subject: When / how did you move on from wanting another
Just moving on from the baby/preschool life. Once your other kids are done with strollers and car seats and pack n plays and naps and you can have awesome adventures and play more adult type board games and take incredible vacations, etc. you start to realize that another child would have hit the reset button on all of those things. That, and also knowing we can help our two so much more with college, grad school, first homes, etc. because there are just two of them. Oh, and I don’t want any more laundry.