Anonymous wrote:Ugh, why is there so much secrecy around getting married. It’s the biggest decision of your life. You should’ve know that he had decided that he wanted to marry you because you had a conversation about it. And that he was looking at rings.

Also if he was looking at rings, why didn’t he tell you when you were breaking up with him?

I agree with this. But I admit I am not someone who is overly sentimental. I don't see the down on one knee, me crying hysterically as romantic. I find two people agreeing that they want to be together for life and making a plan to do that romantic. So To me, if you are talking marriage, and you both want to be married, then lets set a date, and set things in motion.

Someone in another thread offered some very good advice on how to date for marriage when you're 35+

Basically don't declare a deadline outloud to the guy. I understand not wanting to wait for years, but the two of you have just been together just over a year, an engament anytime this year, and setting a date or early next year is totaly reasonable.

So if you get back with him you need to set a date to marry together. I personally don't think you should get back with him, because it doesn't seem like you love him, and want to figure you things out, it seems like you just want someone to fill the boxes on your time line.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would get back to him under 2 conditions, engagement and a concrete wedding date or you'll risk staying in engagement mode forever and would lose precious time with him.

Do not do this. Childish and manipulative

Or forthright and decisive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait! Smoke.him.out. then say “Yes!”

+1. When he asks you to come back it will be as his wife. Hold steady.

This. And, at 37 and covid, I’d pretty much insist on a small wedding in October.

He needs to put his money where his mouth is.

Anonymous wrote:I think he’s dodging a bullet. You met him a little over a year ago, and you’re playing head games because he didn’t propose on 1 June? You actually had been talking about it, and then you just go and dump him. You don’t love him, you love the idea of him and you’re 35 and freaking out.

This feels very accurate to me. OP you need to chill out and learn to talk through problems instead of declaring an outcome (breaking up). Learn that skill or your marriage will be short. I’d suggest you two get back together under the condition you do premarital counseling. You need to talk through all the things (money, kids, life plans, dealing with in-laws) that you’ll deal with in marriage and see if you’re comparable and able to communicate. That will give you a clearer answer on if you SHOULD be married. Your timeline is irrelevant. Good luck.

I think he’s dodging a bullet. You met him a little over a year ago, and you’re playing head games because he didn’t propose on 1 June? You actually had been talking about it, and then you just go and dump him. You don’t love him, you love the idea of him and you’re 35 and freaking out.

Do you really think it’s a good idea to commit to spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t seem to understand you, or whom you can’t trust and communicate with? Not sure what’s going on but unless both of you are committed to doing a course correction in your relationship, I can’t see it lasting.

Ugh. You should have just proposed. Then you would have had your answer or get married.

Not settling for less than marriage is actually very attractive to a man. He’ll think about ways you’ll be tested in your marriage and the fact that you’re that all in on a commitment will give him peace of mind. Lots of women have to give an ultimatum, just get busy while HE figures it out.

Anonymous wrote:I would get back to him under 2 conditions, engagement and a concrete wedding date or you'll risk staying in engagement mode forever and would lose precious time with him.

Do not do this. Childish and manipulative

Anonymous wrote:If you love him and he was already looking at rings, you would be stupid to let him go. He already says he is going to propose. I do not think you make any sense. I do not think you should have broken up. You have barely been dating a year. Agree when you want to get engaged. It does not have to be today. If you are not ok with that, honestly I do not think marriage is going to go well for you—to anyone.

This op. Here is your answer. Barely a year of dating is just that, even at your advanced ages

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want him to feel forced into. I want him to ask me because he wants to marry me, not because he feels he will lose me. I don’t know if I should get back together and tell him I need a commitment or move on.

Only one way to know for sure...Trust him.
It’s a good barometer.
Without trust no point in getting married anyway.
Up to you not the consensus.
Do you trust his love and recent revelation interest in commitment?
If yes, go for it.
If not...find someone else

You could get back together, but tell him that unless and until you are engaged, you will also be seeing other people. And that since you don’t have sex unless it is a monogamous relationship, you will not be having sex with him unless he promises to be monogamous even though you are dating others, or until he proposes. Basically, sure you will see, but with no sex, and in the meantime you are also dating others. Basically, he does not get you all to himself anymore unless he proposes.

Ugh, why is there so much secrecy around getting married. It’s the biggest decision of your life. You should’ve know that he had decided that he wanted to marry you because you had a conversation about it. And that he was looking at rings.

Also if he was looking at rings, why didn’t he tell you when you were breaking up with him?

I would get back to him under 2 conditions, engagement and a concrete wedding date or you'll risk staying in engagement mode forever and would lose precious time with him.