^^ PP they aren’t. They’re doing it raw and downplaying the seriousness of anything that they may get. A lot of people think herpes is NBD. Some people just have very casual attitudes around risks. I don’t.

One giveaway for me is also how sloppy and forward some people would be with even being willing to do it without protection. If they will go for it with you, they’ve done it with others. It’s risky. Not worth it to me.

I’ve been in 2 relationships since divorce, with no casual sex or one night stand ever, even before marriage. in both cases we talked about it first, used protection, and we just didn’t do oral or anything else until we saw tear results. It helps to care about the person you’re sleeping with so they won’t blatantly lie to you if they actually want a future or see it going somewhere.

There are some pump and dumpers, and there are signs for those types too. Also, I never did tinder or bumble or “dated a ton” because I felt like the pool was too broad and random. I met people normally, out and about living life. Pre-covid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm soon to be divorced, and I wonder about all this too. I dont know anyone who uses protection for oral! And yet it's the only way to be safe. But it also takes all the fun and sensation out of it, so then what's the point. I'm so confused. I feel like the "get tested every week! wear condoms!" people have never actually had casual sex?

how old are you and for how long were you married?

I use condoms for oral. Flavored. Why wouldnt I? I do it to help protect against STDs.

Exactly. I wonder what these people are telling their children about safe sex?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, people use protection for oral? Never, ever heard of that. For real. Good for you folks

Ugh. There is zero chance I would ever. Would rather not do it.

Trying to imagine how a woman would react if I was about to go down on her and I laid down a piece of Saran Wrap first...

This woman would be happy about it, and would probably hand you the Saran wrap( ) first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm soon to be divorced, and I wonder about all this too. I dont know anyone who uses protection for oral! And yet it's the only way to be safe. But it also takes all the fun and sensation out of it, so then what's the point. I'm so confused. I feel like the "get tested every week! wear condoms!" people have never actually had casual sex?

how old are you and for how long were you married?

I use condoms for oral. Flavored. Why wouldnt I? I do it to help protect against STDs.

I'm 39, been with my soon to be ex since we were teens, only been with one other guy, so never had to deal with this...AND I'M TERRIFIED.

But as the PPs have expressed, what is even the fun of having sex if you can't feel it and you have to pause to set up your vaginal saran wrap tent? part of the experience is the taste and smell.

I'm not arguing that there's any other way to be safe! Don't get me wrong. I just don't think any of the people I know who date tons and have sex on date 3-5 are using condoms for oral or getting STD tests. Hence my confusion and apprehension.

First of all, you should get the HPV vaccine. You’re a good candidate for it since you haven’t had sex with someone different in decades. Or may be only one other person I can’t tell from your post.

Second, well, if you wanna put yourself at risk for STDs, then don’t use protection and don’t get STD testing first. How do you know what other people do? Do you have tons of single girlfriends have been navigating the dating world for two decades? Or are all your friends married people? It’s really normal to get std before having sex with a new partner and then still use condoms. Not getting STD testing and then also not using condoms is a really stupid thing to do. Also, plenty of people Date for longer than 3 to 5 dates before they have sex. If you wanna keep having unprotected sex without getting STD testing, stay married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm soon to be divorced, and I wonder about all this too. I dont know anyone who uses protection for oral! And yet it's the only way to be safe. But it also takes all the fun and sensation out of it, so then what's the point. I'm so confused. I feel like the "get tested every week! wear condoms!" people have never actually had casual sex?

how old are you and for how long were you married?

I use condoms for oral. Flavored. Why wouldnt I? I do it to help protect against STDs.

I'm 39, been with my soon to be ex since we were teens, only been with one other guy, so never had to deal with this...AND I'M TERRIFIED.

But as the PPs have expressed, what is even the fun of having sex if you can't feel it and you have to pause to set up your vaginal saran wrap tent? part of the experience is the taste and smell.

I'm not arguing that there's any other way to be safe! Don't get me wrong. I just don't think any of the people I know who date tons and have sex on date 3-5 are using condoms for oral or getting STD tests. Hence my confusion and apprehension.

Do you care if you get an STD?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm soon to be divorced, and I wonder about all this too. I dont know anyone who uses protection for oral! And yet it's the only way to be safe. But it also takes all the fun and sensation out of it, so then what's the point. I'm so confused. I feel like the "get tested every week! wear condoms!" people have never actually had casual sex?

how old are you and for how long were you married?

I use condoms for oral. Flavored. Why wouldnt I? I do it to help protect against STDs.

I'm 39, been with my soon to be ex since we were teens, only been with one other guy, so never had to deal with this...AND I'M TERRIFIED.

But as the PPs have expressed, what is even the fun of having sex if you can't feel it and you have to pause to set up your vaginal saran wrap tent? part of the experience is the taste and smell.

I'm not arguing that there's any other way to be safe! Don't get me wrong. I just don't think any of the people I know who date tons and have sex on date 3-5 are using condoms for oral or getting STD tests. Hence my confusion and apprehension.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t go to someone’s house to borrow their pencil sharpener and start giving them a hand job.

That is not a date. This is not considered romance and getting to know someone before embarking on a relationship.

This person will laugh at you and talk shit about you behind your back because they are an asshole and a shitty person even if you believe they are your friend. They are not.

With friends like that, you do not need enemies.

Yes your shit does stink so stop pretending it does not.

Don’t go to someone’s house to borrow their pencil sharpener and start giving them a hand job.

That is not a date. This is not considered romance and getting to know someone before embarking on a relationship.

This person will laugh at you and talk shit about you behind your back because they are an asshole and a shitty person even if you believe they are your friend. They are not.

With friends like that, you do not need enemies.

Yes your shit does stink so stop pretending it does not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, people use protection for oral? Never, ever heard of that. For real. Good for you folks

Ugh. There is zero chance I would ever. Would rather not do it.

Trying to imagine how a woman would react if I was about to go down on her and I laid down a piece of Saran Wrap first...

+1
Seems there's more dignity in suggesting we both get tested.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, people use protection for oral? Never, ever heard of that. For real. Good for you folks

Ugh. There is zero chance I would ever. Would rather not do it.

Trying to imagine how a woman would react if I was about to go down on her and I laid down a piece of Saran Wrap first...

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm soon to be divorced, and I wonder about all this too. I dont know anyone who uses protection for oral! And yet it's the only way to be safe. But it also takes all the fun and sensation out of it, so then what's the point. I'm so confused. I feel like the "get tested every week! wear condoms!" people have never actually had casual sex?

how old are you and for how long were you married?

I use condoms for oral. Flavored. Why wouldnt I? I do it to help protect against STDs.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, people use protection for oral? Never, ever heard of that. For real. Good for you folks

Ugh. There is zero chance I would ever. Would rather not do it.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, people use protection for oral? Never, ever heard of that. For real. Good for you folks

LMAO +1

Wow, people use protection for oral? Never, ever heard of that. For real. Good for you folks

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm soon to be divorced, and I wonder about all this too. I dont know anyone who uses protection for oral! And yet it's the only way to be safe. But it also takes all the fun and sensation out of it, so then what's the point. I'm so confused. I feel like the "get tested every week! wear condoms!" people have never actually had casual sex?

Or we're younger than you and have learned from previous generations.


OP asked about the safest option. He/she was told the safest option.