Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:57     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
OP sounds like you just want to get laid maybe. Don’t get confused with dating. Use the social distancing to do your own growing and learning and when things open back up go out to bars or whatever and pick someone up. If you ain’t good looking enough to do that then now is the time to start exercising and taking care of yourself.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:52     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
I know you aren’t looking to get into anything serious but you should still take a year off. You’re not even divorced yet, my friend. Have you been in therapy? Do you know why you’re divorcing? I mean, do you REALLY know? Have you taken the time to do the work to mitigate the trauma to your kids? Have you changed your bad patterns? Once you start dating even casually you won’t have time to do this necessary work. Once you do, don’t date women younger than 40 because no matter what they say, they’ll want more kids. Then your kids will feel replaced and you won’t have time for them with your job and new family.
Do the work, OP.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:45     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
Anonymous wrote:About to be divorced? Dude, spend a few years getting your sh@t together before subjecting women to it. Even the 25 yo’s looking for free meals don’t deserve that.


This. Get a handle on your parenting and your finances first. And actually get divorced.

If you cannot give a brief explanation of how your shortcomings contributed to the end of your marriage, and discuss it without anger or ex-blaming, many women will not be interested.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:35     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
About to be divorced? Dude, spend a few years getting your sh@t together before subjecting women to it. Even the 25 yo’s looking for free meals don’t deserve that.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:34     Subject: Re:Dating advice for divorced dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think you'll have some appeal across all of these groups, but you should be really realistic about what you are looking for and transparent about that with anyone you date. It is more for targetting your preferred demographic and type than anything else. For example, do you want more kids? If no, maybe look for women who have kids as well. They can probably relate to your situation. Are you open to having another 2+ kids? Then you are looking at a different pool. Sounds like you're not necessarily looking for a 24 year old who wants shopping vacations every other month, what do you think looks compatible for you? If that's someone in their 30s, just be clear with the kid thing. I think that's the #1 thing you need to figure out that would determine things like your age brackets and profession and education types. I can see you being attractive, for example, to a never married or divorced pretty 34 year old with no kids, but if you're done? Could be a huge dealbreaker. Figure out the kid thing basically and you're good.



This is good advice. My BFF is about to marry a guy like you (late 40s, previously married, very well off financially but supporting his ex wife and two young kids) whom she met when she was 35 and he was 45. He was very clear that he did not want more kids, which she was totally fine with because she has never wanted them herself. That said, I think being a stepmom has been a huge adjustment for her that she didn't expect, not to mention dealing with the dynamics of an ex-wife in the picture for the rest of their lives.


This is why women should think very carefully before getting involved with a man who already has children. Should you get serious, the ex wife will be in your life for the rest of your life. Young kids with smallish problems become older adults often with even bigger problems. (Think divorced adult kid w/grandkids who needs serious financial support.)

To OP - the fact of the matter is your ex wife and kids may be a deal breaker if you want to get steady/serious with anyone. Most women who have careers and who do not have kids will have to sacrifice quite a bit due to your situation. For example, your kid begs you to come to a big soccer match on the same day as your girlfriend's milestone birthday - what do you do? Your ex wife tells you the kids don't like your girlfriend and they will not be coming over anymore if she is there. What do you do? You have limited vacation time from your BigLaw firm and kids want to go to Disney with you - GF was hoping for a romantic getaway. What do you do?
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:34     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and I would be very interested. I have primary custody so looking to spend some weekends at nice hotels, being treated to nice dinners etc etc
I need to get in shape though before I start dating. I love sex but need to get rid of some extra pounds!
You may be interested in younger women though (I would if I were a physically fit biglaw lawyer!)


Stay away from this person... she wants somebody with money, never mentioned being loving or supportive. You have money, she has sex... terrible formula.

Also PP, get some therapy.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:32     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
Anonymous wrote:I don't have any idea what the answers to this guy's questions are, but the first two responses are absurd. He's obviously going to have a lot of nights when he doesn't have his kids, so why should he spend those nights "focused" on them instead of socializing with another adult? wtf


He should have his kids 50% of the time. He is educated, has money and is not mentally unstable (that we know of).

If he is 100% 50% of the time he will need to work extra hard at work the next week to stay on top of things.

I double he has "tons of time"... he is working late, needs to work out, and when he has his kids be 100% engaged.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:29     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
Anonymous wrote:You make a crap load of money and have very little time off. Focus on your kids instead of your sex life. I wouldn't want a man like you who does have much interest in their kids.


This. Learn why you are divorced. If you have extra time, get some individual therapy.

Here are your priorities

Kids
Kids
Yourself
Job
somebody else

Get the 1st 4 under control before you add "somebody else".
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:26     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just become a sugar daddy. Everything is stipulated in agreement or contract which should work well for you.


Solid idea. As any divorced man knows, other relationship formats require a man to provide re$ource$ at risk of no return for investment. Be sure to include a claw back clause for monies paid if services are not properly rendered.

lmao
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:24     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
Anonymous wrote:Just become a sugar daddy. Everything is stipulated in agreement or contract which should work well for you.


Solid idea. As any divorced man knows, other relationship formats require a man to provide re$ource$ at risk of no return for investment. Be sure to include a claw back clause for monies paid if services are not properly rendered.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:21     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
If you make good money and are relatively physically attractive it is super easy to date women 10-15 years younger at your age. More than half of men (even young men) are now overweight and the median income is paltry. There really is very little competition
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 07:03     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
Divorced dad here. Few women will want anything to do with you during your separation because you are still married.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 06:58     Subject: Re:Dating advice for divorced dad
Why does she get the house?

Sell it.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 06:31     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
Just become a sugar daddy. Everything is stipulated in agreement or contract which should work well for you.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2020 06:29     Subject: Dating advice for divorced dad
If you have young children and are in BigLaw, you do not have time to date.

Many women would be put off by your decision to spend so little time with your children, especially as they are young. I guess you would need to look for women who do not care what kind of father you are, or who dislike children.