Anonymous
Post 08/07/2020 13:10     Subject: Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
Anonymous wrote:A friend just achieved a milestone. Another friend said "I am so proud of you, Larla!" in a group email. I'm sure she meant no harm but it came across as condescending to me. "I'm proud of you!" is what parents say to children, or what the coach says to the player, or what you say to somebody who has maintained sobriety. Peer to peer comes across as condescending.

Thoughts?


I recently lost a lot of weight and had family members tell me they were proud of me. I was not insulted.

Anonymous
Post 08/07/2020 13:08     Subject: Re:Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
Yeah I think it's totally weird that you think that's condescending. I think you are too sensitive and/or just can't take a compliment. Or maybe you aren't used to warm friendships?
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2020 13:01     Subject: Re:Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
What's wrong with being proud of your friend? That to me shows that youre impressed with their accomplishment. Ex..my friend got a huge promotion after only being in the company for 6 months.. I'm super proud of her because not many people in this company have done that.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2020 04:05     Subject: Re:Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I say it a lot: "I'm really proud of your accomplishments." And I've actually had friends say things like: "You'd be proud of me! I just....." And my response is that I'm proud of them already -- but especially proud of what they've just accomplished. These are certainly people that I consider friends -- vs acquaintances, but I could also see saying it to an acquaintance in the right circumstances. I've never intended it to be patronizing, and as far as I know, it has never been received as patronizing.

To me, the key is whether I have a relationship that feels close enough to have "pride" in someone else's accomplishments vs a more distant admiration.


I don’t want to burst your bubble and certainly I could be wrong/ but are you sure they aren’t telling you not to say that by calling you dad - to me it sounds like they are uncomfortable


PP: I’m sure. But I’m up for listening to your point of view. What do you mean by “ calling you dad”? Why do you feel “they are uncomfortable”?

Anonymous
Post 08/07/2020 03:43     Subject: Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
I play club tennis and I say it to players all the time.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2020 02:47     Subject: Re:Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
Anonymous wrote:I say it a lot: "I'm really proud of your accomplishments." And I've actually had friends say things like: "You'd be proud of me! I just....." And my response is that I'm proud of them already -- but especially proud of what they've just accomplished. These are certainly people that I consider friends -- vs acquaintances, but I could also see saying it to an acquaintance in the right circumstances. I've never intended it to be patronizing, and as far as I know, it has never been received as patronizing.

To me, the key is whether I have a relationship that feels close enough to have "pride" in someone else's accomplishments vs a more distant admiration.


I don’t want to burst your bubble and certainly I could be wrong/ but are you sure they aren’t telling you not to say that by calling you dad - to me it sounds like they are uncomfortable
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2020 00:26     Subject: Re:Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
I think it depends as well. I tell my friends I'm in awe of them, or impressed with their accomplishments. I feel like it basically conveys the same thing.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2020 23:50     Subject: Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
It seems nice to me.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2020 22:38     Subject: Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
No. "Good for you." Now that is totally condescending.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2020 22:15     Subject: Re:Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
I say it a lot: "I'm really proud of your accomplishments." And I've actually had friends say things like: "You'd be proud of me! I just....." And my response is that I'm proud of them already -- but especially proud of what they've just accomplished. These are certainly people that I consider friends -- vs acquaintances, but I could also see saying it to an acquaintance in the right circumstances. I've never intended it to be patronizing, and as far as I know, it has never been received as patronizing.

To me, the key is whether I have a relationship that feels close enough to have "pride" in someone else's accomplishments vs a more distant admiration.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2020 21:44     Subject: Re:Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
Anonymous wrote:I say to adults all of the time. It seems to legitimately surprise a lot of them, but the majority then seem quite happy. I've gotten some "Thanks, Dad!" comments from people who I know don't have fathers in their life, so I think that letting others know that I think what they have accomplished is wonderful and they deserve to be lauded for it makes me more "manly".


This is nice. Good for you!
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2020 21:41     Subject: Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
It's so common it's not condescending. I think someone is too sensitive if they think it is. However, it's worth asking, and worth considering. Is there something better to say? There must be. I would prefer to hear/say something else.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2020 21:38     Subject: Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
Anonymous wrote:Depends on the relationship between the two people.


+ 1

Depends on the relationship and context.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2020 20:51     Subject: Re:Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
I say to adults all of the time. It seems to legitimately surprise a lot of them, but the majority then seem quite happy. I've gotten some "Thanks, Dad!" comments from people who I know don't have fathers in their life, so I think that letting others know that I think what they have accomplished is wonderful and they deserve to be lauded for it makes me more "manly".
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2020 18:45     Subject: Adult to Adult: Is saying "I'm proud of you" condescending?
Depends on the relationship between the two people.