Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he proposing for dates? A 2 and 5 year old likely have an early bedtime. Hiring a sitter to come at 7pm is very different than hiring a sitter to come at noon.

Like an early dinner. So it's probably a few hours of babysitter time. The thing is I think he likes seeing me a few times a week so wans to move tbjngs up more in how often we see each other. Just feels odd he'd get a babysitter and pick me over his kids.

No, I think it’s ok. I would worry covid wise though. That would be my concern - is he being careful enough. But absent covid, I think it’s nice he will spend a few hours with you even on custody time. I have dated a couple guys who only saw me when they did not have custody (Fifty fifty) and frankly that just was not sustainable long term. It was lonely, once we were exclusive and I could t go on dates with other guys on the days he had custody. It sort of made me feel like, if he isn’t inviting me over or trying to blend me into his family or see me at least once a week during his custody week....why am I sitting around alone rather than seeing other guys?

*could not go on dates with other guys

OP here. This is a good way to think about it for me. I guess I don't want a 50% partner. I just want someone who's a good dad too.

You can see if he is a good dad in other ways.

I mean married people go on dates with each other and get babysitters, right?

It's not quite the same.

Why? The general wisdom is that people who are married with kids should prioritze their relationship and spend time together. But some people expect people who are divorced to not have a healthy relationship and instead sacrifice that to completely cater to their kids. It is healthy for kids to see their parents have healthy relationships and friendships. I think, once it is serious, if a guy with fifty fifty custody - say week on, week off - wants to get a sitter for a few hours once or twice during that custody week, that's fine. It does not mean he is a bad dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he proposing for dates? A 2 and 5 year old likely have an early bedtime. Hiring a sitter to come at 7pm is very different than hiring a sitter to come at noon.

Like an early dinner. So it's probably a few hours of babysitter time. The thing is I think he likes seeing me a few times a week so wans to move tbjngs up more in how often we see each other. Just feels odd he'd get a babysitter and pick me over his kids.

No, I think it’s ok. I would worry covid wise though. That would be my concern - is he being careful enough. But absent covid, I think it’s nice he will spend a few hours with you even on custody time. I have dated a couple guys who only saw me when they did not have custody (Fifty fifty) and frankly that just was not sustainable long term. It was lonely, once we were exclusive and I could t go on dates with other guys on the days he had custody. It sort of made me feel like, if he isn’t inviting me over or trying to blend me into his family or see me at least once a week during his custody week....why am I sitting around alone rather than seeing other guys?

*could not go on dates with other guys

OP here. This is a good way to think about it for me. I guess I don't want a 50% partner. I just want someone who's a good dad too.

You can see if he is a good dad in other ways.

I mean married people go on dates with each other and get babysitters, right?

It's not quite the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more nuanced than that. How old are the kids and how frequently is he doing this? Are they little kids that go to bed at 8 and he proposes a date at 8:30 so they would be sleeping anyways?

I was a single mom and did this. The kids went to bed at 7:30 and I left at 8pm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he proposing for dates? A 2 and 5 year old likely have an early bedtime. Hiring a sitter to come at 7pm is very different than hiring a sitter to come at noon.

Like an early dinner. So it's probably a few hours of babysitter time. The thing is I think he likes seeing me a few times a week so wans to move tbjngs up more in how often we see each other. Just feels odd he'd get a babysitter and pick me over his kids.

So how many times do you see him now? How many times is he proposing you see him that would require the kids getting a babysitter?


More than a once or twice a month, I personally wouldn't be okay with. The kids already split time with him, if he wants to do a babysitter on a frequent basis that means they're missing even more time with him, possibly things like bathtime and story/cuddletime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he proposing for dates? A 2 and 5 year old likely have an early bedtime. Hiring a sitter to come at 7pm is very different than hiring a sitter to come at noon.

Like an early dinner. So it's probably a few hours of babysitter time. The thing is I think he likes seeing me a few times a week so wans to move tbjngs up more in how often we see each other. Just feels odd he'd get a babysitter and pick me over his kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he proposing for dates? A 2 and 5 year old likely have an early bedtime. Hiring a sitter to come at 7pm is very different than hiring a sitter to come at noon.

Like an early dinner. So it's probably a few hours of babysitter time. The thing is I think he likes seeing me a few times a week so wans to move tbjngs up more in how often we see each other. Just feels odd he'd get a babysitter and pick me over his kids.

No, I think it’s ok. I would worry covid wise though. That would be my concern - is he being careful enough. But absent covid, I think it’s nice he will spend a few hours with you even on custody time. I have dated a couple guys who only saw me when they did not have custody (Fifty fifty) and frankly that just was not sustainable long term. It was lonely, once we were exclusive and I could t go on dates with other guys on the days he had custody. It sort of made me feel like, if he isn’t inviting me over or trying to blend me into his family or see me at least once a week during his custody week....why am I sitting around alone rather than seeing other guys?

*could not go on dates with other guys

OP here. This is a good way to think about it for me. I guess I don't want a 50% partner. I just want someone who's a good dad too.

You can see if he is a good dad in other ways.

I mean married people go on dates with each other and get babysitters, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he proposing for dates? A 2 and 5 year old likely have an early bedtime. Hiring a sitter to come at 7pm is very different than hiring a sitter to come at noon.

Like an early dinner. So it's probably a few hours of babysitter time. The thing is I think he likes seeing me a few times a week so wans to move tbjngs up more in how often we see each other. Just feels odd he'd get a babysitter and pick me over his kids.

No, I think it’s ok. I would worry covid wise though. That would be my concern - is he being careful enough. But absent covid, I think it’s nice he will spend a few hours with you even on custody time. I have dated a couple guys who only saw me when they did not have custody (Fifty fifty) and frankly that just was not sustainable long term. It was lonely, once we were exclusive and I could t go on dates with other guys on the days he had custody. It sort of made me feel like, if he isn’t inviting me over or trying to blend me into his family or see me at least once a week during his custody week....why am I sitting around alone rather than seeing other guys?

*could not go on dates with other guys

OP here. This is a good way to think about it for me. I guess I don't want a 50% partner. I just want someone who's a good dad too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he proposing for dates? A 2 and 5 year old likely have an early bedtime. Hiring a sitter to come at 7pm is very different than hiring a sitter to come at noon.

Like an early dinner. So it's probably a few hours of babysitter time. The thing is I think he likes seeing me a few times a week so wans to move tbjngs up more in how often we see each other. Just feels odd he'd get a babysitter and pick me over his kids.

No, I think it’s ok. I would worry covid wise though. That would be my concern - is he being careful enough. But absent covid, I think it’s nice he will spend a few hours with you even on custody time. I have dated a couple guys who only saw me when they did not have custody (Fifty fifty) and frankly that just was not sustainable long term. It was lonely, once we were exclusive and I could t go on dates with other guys on the days he had custody. It sort of made me feel like, if he isn’t inviting me over or trying to blend me into his family or see me at least once a week during his custody week....why am I sitting around alone rather than seeing other guys?

*could not go on dates with other guys

Anonymous wrote:How deep are you concerned? Are you going to be suggesting he go home at 11pm so he has energy for the kids in the am? If you don't have a sense that he is a decent guy after a few months, maybe you need to pass. I think you are reaching on this one. Do you need an excuse to not like him? It's okay if you just don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he proposing for dates? A 2 and 5 year old likely have an early bedtime. Hiring a sitter to come at 7pm is very different than hiring a sitter to come at noon.

Like an early dinner. So it's probably a few hours of babysitter time. The thing is I think he likes seeing me a few times a week so wans to move tbjngs up more in how often we see each other. Just feels odd he'd get a babysitter and pick me over his kids.

No, I think it’s ok. I would worry covid wise though. That would be my concern - is he being careful enough. But absent covid, I think it’s nice he will spend a few hours with you even on custody time. I have dated a couple guys who only saw me when they did not have custody (Fifty fifty) and frankly that just was not sustainable long term. It was lonely, once we were exclusive and I could t go on dates with other guys on the days he had custody. It sort of made me feel like, if he isn’t inviting me over or trying to blend me into his family or see me at least once a week during his custody week....why am I sitting around alone rather than seeing other guys?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he proposing for dates? A 2 and 5 year old likely have an early bedtime. Hiring a sitter to come at 7pm is very different than hiring a sitter to come at noon.

Like an early dinner. So it's probably a few hours of babysitter time. The thing is I think he likes seeing me a few times a week so wans to move tbjngs up more in how often we see each other. Just feels odd he'd get a babysitter and pick me over his kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe there is another woman during his non-kid time and he needs to keep it free for her. Very weird.

We've been dating for a couple of months now.