Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the youngest in a big fanily. I think with lots of kids, you just always need to winnow down what you are going to do. My mom did not out me to bed every night and she typically wasnt the one washing my hair or giving me baths, didn’t really micromanage my college applications or selection. But she was at every dumb orchestra concert, every PtA meeting, knew my friends and their parents, stayed up waiting every night I was out with friends (well, sometimes she was asleep in a chair snoring until I opened the door...).
If you’ve got 10 kids of whatever, you clearly are going to have to delegate some stuff. People are so weird about the “older sister parenting” stuff...is it a big deal that one of my older sister’s chores was to give me a bath? Neither of us thinks so.

Yes. She wasn't allowed to have her own life.

A bath is 5-30 minutes. Whoop-do-doo.

Anonymous wrote:I’m the youngest in a big fanily. I think with lots of kids, you just always need to winnow down what you are going to do. My mom did not out me to bed every night and she typically wasnt the one washing my hair or giving me baths, didn’t really micromanage my college applications or selection. But she was at every dumb orchestra concert, every PtA meeting, knew my friends and their parents, stayed up waiting every night I was out with friends (well, sometimes she was asleep in a chair snoring until I opened the door...).
If you’ve got 10 kids of whatever, you clearly are going to have to delegate some stuff. People are so weird about the “older sister parenting” stuff...is it a big deal that one of my older sister’s chores was to give me a bath? Neither of us thinks so.

Yes. She wasn't allowed to have her own life.

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Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

Maybe you had your own bad experience being the oldest of several or you've watched this play out in your social circle, I don't know. But my older kids can and HAVE said no. And how much time my kids get with me is none of your business. You raise your kids the way you want. I'll raise mine the way I want. I'm sure ALL our kids will turn out just fine.

You are expecting them to help then. First you say that you aren't having them help and now you are saying that you are. I feel bad for you kids as you aren't doing 1-1 time and the siblings and nanny are raising them.

What I said was that it is my responsibility to parent all my kids, but if I need an older kid to watch a younger for a half hour or less, they don't get paid and they can't say no. But if I need them to babysit for more than a half hour they CAN say no, and if they say yes they get paid for babysitting. They have said no many times. You don't have to feel bad for my kids. You should feel bad for yourself for having such a narrow impression of what other people's lives MUST be based on zero facts.

Exactly, you are forcing your kids to babysit and they cannot say no. Its not about being paid but being the substitute parent. I do feel bad for your kids. There is no way you can give that many kids enough undivided attention and meet each child's needs.

So a babysitter who covers for parents’ date night is raising their kids?

DP. I thought it was that a teen babysitter who covers for a parents date night isn’t being raised by her own parents. Maybe it’s both .

+1

This is such a ridiculous question. Why don’t you also ask if parents with large families love their kids less?

FWIW, We have 4 kids, so not an extremely large number like 19, but still larger than most families we know.

Btw, the bias against larger families is ridiculous. Stop acting insecure about your own choices by bashing other families.

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Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

Maybe you had your own bad experience being the oldest of several or you've watched this play out in your social circle, I don't know. But my older kids can and HAVE said no. And how much time my kids get with me is none of your business. You raise your kids the way you want. I'll raise mine the way I want. I'm sure ALL our kids will turn out just fine.

You are expecting them to help then. First you say that you aren't having them help and now you are saying that you are. I feel bad for you kids as you aren't doing 1-1 time and the siblings and nanny are raising them.

What I said was that it is my responsibility to parent all my kids, but if I need an older kid to watch a younger for a half hour or less, they don't get paid and they can't say no. But if I need them to babysit for more than a half hour they CAN say no, and if they say yes they get paid for babysitting. They have said no many times. You don't have to feel bad for my kids. You should feel bad for yourself for having such a narrow impression of what other people's lives MUST be based on zero facts.

Exactly, you are forcing your kids to babysit and they cannot say no. Its not about being paid but being the substitute parent. I do feel bad for your kids. There is no way you can give that many kids enough undivided attention and meet each child's needs.

Do you even have a kid? You sound bitter, and delusional. Get help.

I doubt it.

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Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

Maybe you had your own bad experience being the oldest of several or you've watched this play out in your social circle, I don't know. But my older kids can and HAVE said no. And how much time my kids get with me is none of your business. You raise your kids the way you want. I'll raise mine the way I want. I'm sure ALL our kids will turn out just fine.

You are expecting them to help then. First you say that you aren't having them help and now you are saying that you are. I feel bad for you kids as you aren't doing 1-1 time and the siblings and nanny are raising them.

What I said was that it is my responsibility to parent all my kids, but if I need an older kid to watch a younger for a half hour or less, they don't get paid and they can't say no. But if I need them to babysit for more than a half hour they CAN say no, and if they say yes they get paid for babysitting. They have said no many times. You don't have to feel bad for my kids. You should feel bad for yourself for having such a narrow impression of what other people's lives MUST be based on zero facts.

Exactly, you are forcing your kids to babysit and they cannot say no. Its not about being paid but being the substitute parent. I do feel bad for your kids. There is no way you can give that many kids enough undivided attention and meet each child's needs.

Do you even have a kid? You sound bitter, and delusional. Get help.

*duplo* not diploma!

Anonymous wrote:The only parents I know who had someone else put their kids to bed most nights either weren’t home (a nanny or grandparent who was present) or were trying to get every bit of help they felt they deserved from an AP. I don’t know anyone (even with up to 12 kids) who has ever had an older sibling bathing or doing bedtime for a younger sibling on a regular basis. I do know several families whose older kids insisted on first choice for date night sitting; they were paid the same as non-relatives and had the same responsibilities as a babysitter on those evenings (always bedtime, sometimes bathing), but could go to bed versus staying up until the parents got home.

I don’t either.

One mom of seven has ten minutes of “special time” with each of her kids every night before bed, and she spends about 1.5 hours reading stories, singing songs, building with diploma, etc every night.

I personally gather all of my kids into one room and read a few chapters from a book of my choosing every night. After younger kids go to sleep, I stay up with my tween, and we talk about whatever is in his mind. He is reading Animal Farm (on his own...I don’t read it to my eight year old) right now, and we have been talking a lot about Lenin and Putin and communism.

The only parents I know who had someone else put their kids to bed most nights either weren’t home (a nanny or grandparent who was present) or were trying to get every bit of help they felt they deserved from an AP. I don’t know anyone (even with up to 12 kids) who has ever had an older sibling bathing or doing bedtime for a younger sibling on a regular basis. I do know several families whose older kids insisted on first choice for date night sitting; they were paid the same as non-relatives and had the same responsibilities as a babysitter on those evenings (always bedtime, sometimes bathing), but could go to bed versus staying up until the parents got home.

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Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

Maybe you had your own bad experience being the oldest of several or you've watched this play out in your social circle, I don't know. But my older kids can and HAVE said no. And how much time my kids get with me is none of your business. You raise your kids the way you want. I'll raise mine the way I want. I'm sure ALL our kids will turn out just fine.

You are expecting them to help then. First you say that you aren't having them help and now you are saying that you are. I feel bad for you kids as you aren't doing 1-1 time and the siblings and nanny are raising them.

What I said was that it is my responsibility to parent all my kids, but if I need an older kid to watch a younger for a half hour or less, they don't get paid and they can't say no. But if I need them to babysit for more than a half hour they CAN say no, and if they say yes they get paid for babysitting. They have said no many times. You don't have to feel bad for my kids. You should feel bad for yourself for having such a narrow impression of what other people's lives MUST be based on zero facts.

Exactly, you are forcing your kids to babysit and they cannot say no. Its not about being paid but being the substitute parent. I do feel bad for your kids. There is no way you can give that many kids enough undivided attention and meet each child's needs.

So a babysitter who covers for parents’ date night is raising their kids?

DP. I thought it was that a teen babysitter who covers for a parents date night isn’t being raised by her own parents. Maybe it’s both .

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

Maybe you had your own bad experience being the oldest of several or you've watched this play out in your social circle, I don't know. But my older kids can and HAVE said no. And how much time my kids get with me is none of your business. You raise your kids the way you want. I'll raise mine the way I want. I'm sure ALL our kids will turn out just fine.

You are expecting them to help then. First you say that you aren't having them help and now you are saying that you are. I feel bad for you kids as you aren't doing 1-1 time and the siblings and nanny are raising them.

What I said was that it is my responsibility to parent all my kids, but if I need an older kid to watch a younger for a half hour or less, they don't get paid and they can't say no. But if I need them to babysit for more than a half hour they CAN say no, and if they say yes they get paid for babysitting. They have said no many times. You don't have to feel bad for my kids. You should feel bad for yourself for having such a narrow impression of what other people's lives MUST be based on zero facts.

Exactly, you are forcing your kids to babysit and they cannot say no. Its not about being paid but being the substitute parent. I do feel bad for your kids. There is no way you can give that many kids enough undivided attention and meet each child's needs.

So a babysitter who covers for parents’ date night is raising their kids?

I have five kids. I feel like a parent to all of my kids. If anything, parenting takes up more of my life. I do spend less time sometimes, but that is partly because, by the third child, DH and I kind of know the deal. Their challenges aren’t surprising, we know what to do, and we know how to do it. Every decision, from where to deliver a baby to what to do when they cry in the middle of the night to two year old tantrums, struggles with long division, and mean kids in middle school is not as anxiety provoking as it was with the oldest.

And of course my kids have chores and have to help around the house. And of course they are expected to be kind and care about younger siblings. And who knows what the chore was about with an older sister putting the younger to bed. Maybe it was because mom needed help, but maybe it was something that mom saw as a chance for the two sisters to bond. Or maybe this was a good way to keep pp from being on her big sisters back all day because she knew she would get that special time at bedtime.

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Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

Maybe you had your own bad experience being the oldest of several or you've watched this play out in your social circle, I don't know. But my older kids can and HAVE said no. And how much time my kids get with me is none of your business. You raise your kids the way you want. I'll raise mine the way I want. I'm sure ALL our kids will turn out just fine.

You are expecting them to help then. First you say that you aren't having them help and now you are saying that you are. I feel bad for you kids as you aren't doing 1-1 time and the siblings and nanny are raising them.

What I said was that it is my responsibility to parent all my kids, but if I need an older kid to watch a younger for a half hour or less, they don't get paid and they can't say no. But if I need them to babysit for more than a half hour they CAN say no, and if they say yes they get paid for babysitting. They have said no many times. You don't have to feel bad for my kids. You should feel bad for yourself for having such a narrow impression of what other people's lives MUST be based on zero facts.

Exactly, you are forcing your kids to babysit and they cannot say no. Its not about being paid but being the substitute parent. I do feel bad for your kids. There is no way you can give that many kids enough undivided attention and meet each child's needs.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

Maybe you had your own bad experience being the oldest of several or you've watched this play out in your social circle, I don't know. But my older kids can and HAVE said no. And how much time my kids get with me is none of your business. You raise your kids the way you want. I'll raise mine the way I want. I'm sure ALL our kids will turn out just fine.

You are expecting them to help then. First you say that you aren't having them help and now you are saying that you are. I feel bad for you kids as you aren't doing 1-1 time and the siblings and nanny are raising them.

What I said was that it is my responsibility to parent all my kids, but if I need an older kid to watch a younger for a half hour or less, they don't get paid and they can't say no. But if I need them to babysit for more than a half hour they CAN say no, and if they say yes they get paid for babysitting. They have said no many times. You don't have to feel bad for my kids. You should feel bad for yourself for having such a narrow impression of what other people's lives MUST be based on zero facts.

Exactly, you are forcing your kids to babysit and they cannot say no. Its not about being paid but being the substitute parent. I do feel bad for your kids. There is no way you can give that many kids enough undivided attention and meet each child's needs.

Anonymous wrote:I’m the youngest in a big fanily. I think with lots of kids, you just always need to winnow down what you are going to do. My mom did not out me to bed every night and she typically wasnt the one washing my hair or giving me baths, didn’t really micromanage my college applications or selection. But she was at every dumb orchestra concert, every PtA meeting, knew my friends and their parents, stayed up waiting every night I was out with friends (well, sometimes she was asleep in a chair snoring until I opened the door...).
If you’ve got 10 kids of whatever, you clearly are going to have to delegate some stuff. People are so weird about the “older sister parenting” stuff...is it a big deal that one of my older sister’s chores was to give me a bath? Neither of us thinks so.

Yes