This is advice from John Gottman— go read his books (if I had to pick one piece of advice, it would be that. )

1) learn about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
2) 80% of the fights/disagreements you have now will be the same fights/disagreements you’ll be having in 20 years. Learn to negotiate something that works for both of you and don’t try to “resolve” all disagreements.
3) For a marriage to remain good, you need a ratio of 5:1, positive to negative interactions. Drop below that and you marriage is in jeopardy.

My early problems at their root were caused by miscommunication or rather lack of painfully honest communication. They also stemmed around my DW’s family and in particular her widowed mother. So, in addition to open and painfully honest communication you have to put the marriage first above all else including your birth family.

While it's ok to go to bed angry, do not let resentments build.

Make sex a priority, if you aren't having regular, fun sex you are on your way to divorce and affair territory, even if you don't realize it in real time.

Don’t do it!

Ten years from now, how your spouse handles stress will affect your life in more ways than you have any idea.

Pre-nup

Sometimes you have to choose between being right and being happy.

Thanks, everyone. Keep ‘em coming!

Discuss financial priorities and try to get in the same page-saving for a house vs wanting to travel, expensive cars, etc.

And echoing others, fight clean. No name calling, no saying things you can’t take back.

Remember that you two are on the same team. Don’t keep score, one person’s success belongs to both of you, and so do the failures.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't combine funds.

Actually mine is the opposite. Do combine them.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Don't combine funds.

Actually mine is the opposite. Do combine them.

Anonymous wrote:Don't combine funds.

Responding to myself- I change my answer to GET A PRE-NUP. Non-negotiable.

Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.

Anonymous wrote:Have the banal conversations now - division of labor in the household and responsibilities as it relates to life - scheduling such as appointments for house, kids, and doctors, etc.

Seems trivial - can save a lot of resentment and headaches down the road.

Bonus - be friends and kind everyday. It's rough out here and helpful to have someone who will paddle the boat with you and not against you, for you, or watch idly by while you do all the work.

This