Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for the suggestions. I like the idea of walks with a Starbucks bribe...wish me luck. Regarding asking friends to do things, she always refuses when I suggest she do something with a pal. I think she feels embarrassed being the one to ask. I;d been clinging to the fact that I just had to get her through the summer and then she'd perk up at least on her two school days but now that is unlikely.

She pleaded with us to do hybrid and will be so upset when she finds out that will be gone.

My rising college freshman doesn’t like her high school friend group for many reasons and is doing a slow fade. It sounds like something similar may be going on here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for the suggestions. I like the idea of walks with a Starbucks bribe...wish me luck. Regarding asking friends to do things, she always refuses when I suggest she do something with a pal. I think she feels embarrassed being the one to ask. I;d been clinging to the fact that I just had to get her through the summer and then she'd perk up at least on her two school days but now that is unlikely.

She pleaded with us to do hybrid and will be so upset when she finds out that will be gone.

Daily Starbucks walk works for my soon-to-be fifteen DD.

Second the idea that a therapist might help.

The idea that we should rather put our otherwise healthy kids in therapy/meds instead of figuring out how to safely reopen our schools just boggles the mind.

How much time do you spend with her? She can socialize online and we do a lot of things as a family.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for the suggestions. I like the idea of walks with a Starbucks bribe...wish me luck. Regarding asking friends to do things, she always refuses when I suggest she do something with a pal. I think she feels embarrassed being the one to ask. I;d been clinging to the fact that I just had to get her through the summer and then she'd perk up at least on her two school days but now that is unlikely.

She pleaded with us to do hybrid and will be so upset when she finds out that will be gone.

Daily Starbucks walk works for my soon-to-be fifteen DD.

Second the idea that a therapist might help.

Could she and a friend trade off on being roommates after elderly relative moves out? Seriously, "adopt" her best friend for two weeks, then swap off. It'll be almost like a college dorm.

OP again. Thanks for the suggestions. I like the idea of walks with a Starbucks bribe...wish me luck. Regarding asking friends to do things, she always refuses when I suggest she do something with a pal. I think she feels embarrassed being the one to ask. I;d been clinging to the fact that I just had to get her through the summer and then she'd perk up at least on her two school days but now that is unlikely.

She pleaded with us to do hybrid and will be so upset when she finds out that will be gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

That seems to be rather irrelevant information.

Seriously, not constructive at all.

I am making the point that distance learning works for some kids. And not very subtly, I am making the point to please get over yourselves! We are in a pandemic. DCUM can continue to wring its hands, vituperate against schools, etc, but we'll still have distance learning anyway.

So... why not make the best of it? If you go in certain that the school year is going to be terrible, it will be, particularly with a teen. If you do your best to find something positive about it, it won't be that bad.

If OP is concerned about her teen's mental health, there are videoconferences available with a pediatrician, then a psychologist or therapist.

I sound mean, but please remember we're not sending our kids to be killed in Vietnam, we're not experiencing wartime starvation, we're not migrants, we get to sit at home with our internet and online deliveries. Get a grip.

Someone take her soapbox away

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

That seems to be rather irrelevant information.

Seriously, not constructive at all.

I am making the point that distance learning works for some kids. And not very subtly, I am making the point to please get over yourselves! We are in a pandemic. DCUM can continue to wring its hands, vituperate against schools, etc, but we'll still have distance learning anyway.

So... why not make the best of it? If you go in certain that the school year is going to be terrible, it will be, particularly with a teen. If you do your best to find something positive about it, it won't be that bad.

If OP is concerned about her teen's mental health, there are videoconferences available with a pediatrician, then a psychologist or therapist.

I sound mean, but please remember we're not sending our kids to be killed in Vietnam, we're not experiencing wartime starvation, we're not migrants, we get to sit at home with our internet and online deliveries. Get a grip.

Anonymous wrote:Pick 2 friends to be in a "pod" or social group and do classes together, do homework together, make cookies, go for walks, get food, play games, etc.

Couldn’t agree more. My DD has this with two other friends. It’s worked out well since March.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

That seems to be rather irrelevant information.

Seriously, not constructive at all.

Pick 2 friends to be in a "pod" or social group and do classes together, do homework together, make cookies, go for walks, get food, play games, etc.

Anonymous wrote:
My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

That seems to be rather irrelevant information.

My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The job she had lined up was cancelled. Seems late to find one for the summer. She refuses to initiate stuff like zoom calls or backyard visits with her friends. We have an elderly family member living with us until September so we do need to be careful.

What have you found that helps get your child outdoors or energized? We do things like let her pick the movie for family movie night with any snack she wants and she says no. We said she could pick take out dinner from any restaurant if we all eat it as a picnic and she said no. We offer to boost her chore money every time she bikes outside and she won't.

Your DD sounds depressed. There are, unfortunately, limited options for entertainment right now. You've offered to do what you can to make them available to her, and she isn't taking you up on them. Have you really helped her talk through the disappointment of her job falling through and DL in the fall? She is likely feeling an understandable sense of loss that is leading to a bit of despair. Life can be tough, and sometimes we experience periods where things look objectively bleak for the foreseeable future. This is one of those times. The trick is to learn the coping skills to survive in the face of something that's very hard. And humans are actually capable of this...but for many of us, including me, it takes actively learning how to process our emotions and see beyond the negative feelings. If you aren't able to help her through this, it might be worth looking into a professional therapist who can help. I'm saying this from experience.

Anonymous wrote:But at least teachers are still getting their paychecks, who cares if kids go crazy or don't learn anything!

Again, it’s a parents job to help their kids interact with friends. Not a teacher’s job. I’ve been talking my son for a day trip each Friday this summer. Hiking, kayaking, tubing, etc. His friend has come with us a few times. He looks forward to it.