Being home all day with a child, especially very young, is exhausting in a very different way than being at work. You literally feel like you can’t have a thought in your own head or a moment in space and time all to yourself. It’s great in some respects, but incredibly isolating and mind numbing in others, especially with so many things being closed or limited during COVID. A phone is a super easy, portable escape to a world where you’re not wiping noses and butts, and making endless snacks, wiping up the same mess you just cleaned up, etc.

She may not realize how addicted to it she is, but it’s a cumulative effect of her current state of mind. If you can, encourage her to completely disengage form the house at least once a day - get out for a walk alone, or something like that.

Anonymous wrote:She needs a 40+ hour a week job. A real job.

Yes, because we all know that cures all problems.
My friends that work full time are on their phones constantly.
They are the first to respond to texts or emails!

She needs a 40+ hour a week job. A real job.

What exactly do you want her doing? Watching kids is really boring I’d rather be reading my phone, listening to a podcast, etc.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she’s trying to escape her life because she’s unhappy. You might get further approaching her with empathy and compassion than with demands and judgment.

She just sounds bored.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to control your wife. Why?

Shut up. If a man/your husband were on his phone 10 hours during the waking hours ...would you be okay with it? That leaves zero time for anyone else and is highly addictive.

If anything, she should get a job and earn some $.

What if men watch sports and news for 10 hours a day or read books?

Who cares?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to control your wife. Why?

DP. Because she’s on her phone every waking minute if the day.. 10 hours.

And?

I’m going to guess she’s exhausted and depressed. I’d tackle sleep, first. See if you can explain to her own screens mess with your circadian rhythm. Buy her a backlit kindle and a Kindle Unlimited trial, and ask her to switch to that after 7pm. See if she’s willing to try magnesium or melatonin supplements before bed.

Trying to control her free time is not a road you should go down. However, you are completely within your rights to ask her to put the phone away when you are doing an activity together, such as eating or visiting family. Judging whether the things that she spends her free time on are “important” is also not a winning argument.

Saying that you want more time engaging with each other is.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she’s trying to escape her life because she’s unhappy. You might get further approaching her with empathy and compassion than with demands and judgment.

Agree with this. No one is happy spending 10 hours a day on Facebook.

I read books on my phone. Is she doing something like that, or is it all social media? I looked and I used my kindle app for 4 hours yesterday (I didn’t work yesterday, so that’s more than normal) and used my phone for a total of 7 hours, but you can’t tell what I’m doing when you see me on my phone.

I spend that much on my phone. I do everything on it - call people, work calls, watch TV, and buy things for the house and kids.

She's lonely and maybe depressed. I've been there. It's hard to be alone with a kid all the time. And once you're addicted it's hard to let go.

Anonymous wrote:When I feel like my DH spends too much time on his phone, I make a point of leaving mine out of sight. He will go days without seeing me on my phone and then I’ll notice his own use will go down significantly.

OP Here: Thanks for the feedback. My screen time average is less than 3 hours a day and that's with using Waze for driving. Before, we never used phones at dinner. Now, she's on her phone when she's done eating before everyone else.

When I feel like my DH spends too much time on his phone, I make a point of leaving mine out of sight. He will go days without seeing me on my phone and then I’ll notice his own use will go down significantly.