Anonymous wrote:Anyone here with kids who have an age gap? How do you handle it when the older sibling no longer wants to babysit or look out for the younger one?

I don' force my oldest kid to babysit the younger. They are 3yr.s apart. But...
Why are you making it their job? you chose to have them. That's your job. My sister and I are 6yrs apart and I had to babysit her since I was 14. I hated it. I didn't like being a "mother figure" to her. I always got blamed for things she did because she was on my watch. Siblings should be there to support each other and have fun, not to be "parents" to each other.

are the younger ones full or half siblings with the older one?

Is this one of many divorce-related circumstances that show the older child she has no clout or say in what her home life will be like?

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids with a 12 yr gap between #1 and #3. So at one point we had 15, 12, 3, and newborn.

Our deal was that when we'd ask the older kids to babysit the younger kids:

1. They were always allowed to say no if it was more than a half hour. For under a half hour "no" was not an option.
2. We always paid them to babysit.

This is reasonable I think.

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids with a 12 yr gap between #1 and #3. So at one point we had 15, 12, 3, and newborn.

Our deal was that when we'd ask the older kids to babysit the younger kids:

1. They were always allowed to say no if it was more than a half hour. For under a half hour "no" was not an option.
2. We always paid them to babysit.

This seems very reasonable!

I have four kids with a 12 yr gap between #1 and #3. So at one point we had 15, 12, 3, and newborn.

Our deal was that when we'd ask the older kids to babysit the younger kids:

1. They were always allowed to say no if it was more than a half hour. For under a half hour "no" was not an option.
2. We always paid them to babysit.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe everyone is saying you need to pay your kid to contribute to the family. I pay for the house, clothes, food, electronics, etc. I’m not paying him to babysit.

We don’t require it all the time and are sensitive if he has something special that night, but for normal evenings he can get work done, be online with friends, or watch TV. We aren’t paying him more for that.

That’s not “to contribute to the family”, that’s “to do somebody else’s job”. Do you do his homework?

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe everyone is saying you need to pay your kid to contribute to the family. I pay for the house, clothes, food, electronics, etc. I’m not paying him to babysit.

We don’t require it all the time and are sensitive if he has something special that night, but for normal evenings he can get work done, be online with friends, or watch TV. We aren’t paying him more for that.

Laundry, etc are necessary. OP chose to have that many kids. Siblings aren’t all sunshines and roses (I don’t talk to mine).

My parents forced me to babysit and I still have so much resentment towards them for it. Don't do this to your kids. I always give my daughter the option. Hey would you like to make x amount of dollars and babysit? No? Okay I'll hire someone nbd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone here with kids who have an age gap? How do you handle it when the older sibling no longer wants to babysit or look out for the younger one?

Guess you know have to pay someone else! Just because they are older and born first does not mean it should make them the automatic babysitter.

+1

+2.

And this is not "contributing to the house" by cleaning up or doing laundry. This is parenting your kid for free for the night or day or whatever. Not the same.

They are not your older child's children. They are yours. I think it's not cool to require them to look after their siblings. That's your responsibility.

You ask if they are willing and then you pay them. Always. On a RARE occasion they can be conscripted but, other than that, no.

I can’t believe everyone is saying you need to pay your kid to contribute to the family. I pay for the house, clothes, food, electronics, etc. I’m not paying him to babysit.

We don’t require it all the time and are sensitive if he has something special that night, but for normal evenings he can get work done, be online with friends, or watch TV. We aren’t paying him more for that.

Anonymous wrote:Hire another teen. My sister has a seven year gap between her DCs. Her oldest doesn’t like to watch her brother but the teen three blocks over happily gets paid to watch him.

Yes, but my guess is that teen is getting at least $10/hour. Usually parents who complain about their teens not wanting to babysit, what they mean is that their teen doesn’t want to babysit fir free...I guarantee the teen 3 blocks away also wouldn’t watch the little boy for free.

The other issue is that parents expect their older children to be available whenever they want. It’s one thing to make babysitting plans Cauthen the teen down the street for Thursday evening. It’s very different to decide to go out that evening and tell your teen you need them to watch their sibling—it’s especially bad if you expect your teen to cancel plans with friends or another activity to do this.

Hire another teen. My sister has a seven year gap between her DCs. Her oldest doesn’t like to watch her brother but the teen three blocks over happily gets paid to watch him.

Anonymous wrote:If you're trying to push your COVID parenting off on the teen I can see why they'd be fed up.

You need to find another solution and let the child be a child.

+1, you choose to have kids, you parent them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone here with kids who have an age gap? How do you handle it when the older sibling no longer wants to babysit or look out for the younger one?

Guess you know have to pay someone else! Just because they are older and born first does not mean it should make them the automatic babysitter.

+1