Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he come fully clean. Given you a timeline, full access to emails, texts, call logs? Sat for a polygraph?

My ex did this except the polygraph. He still cheated again.

That’s my fear.

Did he ever do heavy duty individual counseling?

Anonymous wrote:Has he come fully clean. Given you a timeline, full access to emails, texts, call logs? Sat for a polygraph?

My ex did this except the polygraph. He still cheated again.

Anonymous wrote:Once again we witness the emotional absurdity of Americans. Your spouse had an affair. They feel remorse. They chose to have children with you. They chose to share finances with you. They chose a home with you.

How addicted are Americans to the Disney fairytales that you believe one person can satisfy your every need in a marriage? Sometimes sex is just..sex. Obviously there is so emotion involved. Most people aren’t emotionless psychos.

Move on.

Have you ever been cheated on? It does a number on your self esteem, your trust, and a slap in the face of reality of how this person you loved and held to a high standard was a rat or a snake you trusted and thought was innocent all the while he was hooking up with chubby and big ass women he said he hated and lacked curves.

Get revenge cheated women. It's sweet, satisfactory, and out that mf'er to everyone.

Once again we witness the emotional absurdity of Americans. Your spouse had an affair. They feel remorse. They chose to have children with you. They chose to share finances with you. They chose a home with you.

How addicted are Americans to the Disney fairytales that you believe one person can satisfy your every need in a marriage? Sometimes sex is just..sex. Obviously there is so emotion involved. Most people aren’t emotionless psychos.

Move on.

OP, get a post-nuptial agreement right now so that you get more of assets regardless of what happens. Cover yourself ASAP and the decide what you want to do. Go to a lawyer right away.

Anonymous wrote:Following this. We are 10 months out from wife discovering my affair and we have made some strides but then some setbacks. I am willing to do whatever is necessary but at some point, if she is just going to resent me forever, then I prefer we break up now.

LOL on one hand you say I'm willing to do whatever is necessary and on the other hand you want to end the marriage after only 10 months unless you have a guarantee that she will forgive you. I think it's you who is the problem in this scenario. Your wife will give you a guarantee that she will forgive you as long as you give her a guarantee that something like this will never happen in the future. You don't have commitment enough to guarantee such a thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'll be the unicorn. Spouse had an affair after 4 years of marriage. He confessed, was remorseful, wanted to stay married. We worked through things in therapy for about a year.

That was 25 years ago. We've had a strong, happy marriage. I sincerely believe he has never cheated again.

How long was the affair?

My spouse’s was multi-year, but they didn’t see each other over the summers and 1-2 times per month the rest of the year.

PP here, their affair lasted about 3 months IIRC (and after 25 years my memory is pretty fuzzy).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One night drunken affairs .....I have seen recovery from those but not ones over several years (make sure you get the emails/texts so you understand the level of emotional connection or deceit involved). If it truly was just a hookup once a month and no other connection beyond setting the time and place then you should be encouraged.

How are you supposed to do this when they wipe their electronic footprint clean? - not OP

If they want to reconcile he needs to disclose - there are data recovery programs for texts and they also may still be in the cloud. His email provider may also be able to restore them if he contacts them. However, if he is deleting it all I would assume the worst.

why would you want to torture yourself by reading every single note they sent to each other? If he admitted they had sex, I'm sure there were things that if you read will be super painful. Isn't the point to move forward?

The only way to move forward and heal for the non-cheating spouse is to understand the details. How else does he/she know that you aren’t lying when you say “they meant nothing” or “it was just sex” or “we never talked about you” or “he/she pursued me”. Otherwise, their imagination takes over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One night drunken affairs .....I have seen recovery from those but not ones over several years (make sure you get the emails/texts so you understand the level of emotional connection or deceit involved). If it truly was just a hookup once a month and no other connection beyond setting the time and place then you should be encouraged.

How are you supposed to do this when they wipe their electronic footprint clean? - not OP

If they want to reconcile he needs to disclose - there are data recovery programs for texts and they also may still be in the cloud. His email provider may also be able to restore them if he contacts them. However, if he is deleting it all I would assume the worst.

why would you want to torture yourself by reading every single note they sent to each other? If he admitted they had sex, I'm sure there were things that if you read will be super painful. Isn't the point to move forward?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One night drunken affairs .....I have seen recovery from those but not ones over several years (make sure you get the emails/texts so you understand the level of emotional connection or deceit involved). If it truly was just a hookup once a month and no other connection beyond setting the time and place then you should be encouraged.

How are you supposed to do this when they wipe their electronic footprint clean? - not OP

If they want to reconcile he needs to disclose - there are data recovery programs for texts and they also may still be in the cloud. His email provider may also be able to restore them if he contacts them. However, if he is deleting it all I would assume the worst.

Anonymous wrote:One night drunken affairs .....I have seen recovery from those but not ones over several years (make sure you get the emails/texts so you understand the level of emotional connection or deceit involved). If it truly was just a hookup once a month and no other connection beyond setting the time and place then you should be encouraged.

How are you supposed to do this when they wipe their electronic footprint clean? - not OP

One night drunken affairs .....I have seen recovery from those but not ones over several years (make sure you get the emails/texts so you understand the level of emotional connection or deceit involved). If it truly was just a hookup once a month and no other connection beyond setting the time and place then you should be encouraged.

My wife cheated when we were newlyweds. 14 years ago and doing well still

Lots of couples recovered from this. Two years ago for us and we are still together, not perfect, but getting there.

Has he come fully clean. Given you a timeline, full access to emails, texts, call logs? Sat for a polygraph?