Anonymous
Post 07/28/2020 15:02     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
OP, where is your DH in all of this? They're his parents - he should be the one dealing directly with this issue, not you.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2020 13:18     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Just as you have decided you feel comfortable sending your kid to a nanny share , they have decided what they are comfortable with.

You don't have to agree with them, but you can't force them to comply.

You can't say you worry about their health or else you wouldn't be sending your kid to a group which you truly do not know the social distancing habits, and then wanting her to visit with them.

Let's call this what this is you don't like your in laws. Never have, and this is just the latest reason to be angry with them.


The only thing you can do is stop seeing them.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2020 11:17     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your in laws, who are in their 70s have come to terms with how many years they may have left. And instead of spending the next year or however long it takes to have an effective vaccine in isolation, they are going to live their lives.

I actually completely understand that viewpoint.



Have you known anyone who had covid or was ventilated? You would not understand their viewpoint if you had. Covid is terrifying and unbelievably painful. To go on a ventilator you are put into a coma and adult diapers and put on your stomach. If you survive, the damage to your lungs is permanent.

In your 70s, 80s or 90s - this is not an illness you want to take you.

THIS is what I wish the media would report more on.

And to OP: stop seeing your in laws.


100% this. Some folks get it and die quickly. In a way that's lucky. A lot of others linger on a ventilator or in a cycle. My mother is one. 3.5 months in the hospital or other care facility. The first 3 weeks were on a ventilator. Then a tracheostomy -- they cut open your throat to make a hole for air to go through, so they can take the tube out and not further irritate the throat and lungs. You need special rehab to be able to talk after that. Weeks and weeks on a feeding tube. Near-endless cycles of improving and then relapsing. More stints on ventilator. Discharge to rehab. Then readmission. Rinse and repeat multiple times.

My mother's lungs are too damaged for her to manage to get out, but not so damaged that she'll die any time soon. She's completely awake and coherent and mentally herself, and thus completely aware of how dependent she is. She makes improvements like being able to walk with assistance to the bathroom and use the toilet by herself. (When prior to this she was independent.) Then 2 days later she'll have a relapse where her oxygen levels drop precipitously. She is 72.

This is not a live your life and then quickly die scenario. This is months of hell. Getting a haircut is not worth this. (Not saying that she got it that way. She contracted it before anyone advised wearing masks. Probably her daily grocery shopping.)


OMG I didn't realize it was this awful. Thanks for posting this - makes me feel less silly about insisting on staying socially distanced from neighbors who want to come over and chat. Hope she's better soon.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2020 11:03     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Well, I’m not sure I would see them at all in your circumstances, but if that’s not an option, I would limit visits to every few weeks, and I would absolutely stay home myself whenever possible. Are you getting quality time with your kid during these visits? It sounds like they are just unpleasant, so let DH take her while you either stay home and relax or stay home and do something that will allow you more quality time with DD when they get back (run some errands, do some chores, deal with email).
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2020 21:27     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your in laws, who are in their 70s have come to terms with how many years they may have left. And instead of spending the next year or however long it takes to have an effective vaccine in isolation, they are going to live their lives.

I actually completely understand that viewpoint.



Have you known anyone who had covid or was ventilated? You would not understand their viewpoint if you had. Covid is terrifying and unbelievably painful. To go on a ventilator you are put into a coma and adult diapers and put on your stomach. If you survive, the damage to your lungs is permanent.

In your 70s, 80s or 90s - this is not an illness you want to take you.

THIS is what I wish the media would report more on.

And to OP: stop seeing your in laws.


100% this. Some folks get it and die quickly. In a way that's lucky. A lot of others linger on a ventilator or in a cycle. My mother is one. 3.5 months in the hospital or other care facility. The first 3 weeks were on a ventilator. Then a tracheostomy -- they cut open your throat to make a hole for air to go through, so they can take the tube out and not further irritate the throat and lungs. You need special rehab to be able to talk after that. Weeks and weeks on a feeding tube. Near-endless cycles of improving and then relapsing. More stints on ventilator. Discharge to rehab. Then readmission. Rinse and repeat multiple times.

My mother's lungs are too damaged for her to manage to get out, but not so damaged that she'll die any time soon. She's completely awake and coherent and mentally herself, and thus completely aware of how dependent she is. She makes improvements like being able to walk with assistance to the bathroom and use the toilet by herself. (When prior to this she was independent.) Then 2 days later she'll have a relapse where her oxygen levels drop precipitously. She is 72.

This is not a live your life and then quickly die scenario. This is months of hell. Getting a haircut is not worth this. (Not saying that she got it that way. She contracted it before anyone advised wearing masks. Probably her daily grocery shopping.)
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2020 21:07     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Our kids go on and on about social distancing but we’re more careful than them, as proved when they left their kids with us to go to amusement park for the day. We wear masks and seldom venture out.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 20:54     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Anonymous wrote:You’ve not named one thing that they are doing “wrong” besides not wearing a mask outside all the time and getting hair done once in a presumably legally-opened business. You are pregnant and hormonal - I get it - but you are acting like they are literally plotting to look themselves and everyone else around with their “risky” behavior.

I am sure you are going to the grocery store and all sorts of other things that put yourself at risk, not to even mention the nanny share. So why is it all on THEM?


*plotting to KILL
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 20:53     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
You’ve not named one thing that they are doing “wrong” besides not wearing a mask outside all the time and getting hair done once in a presumably legally-opened business. You are pregnant and hormonal - I get it - but you are acting like they are literally plotting to look themselves and everyone else around with their “risky” behavior.

I am sure you are going to the grocery store and all sorts of other things that put yourself at risk, not to even mention the nanny share. So why is it all on THEM?
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 20:51     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your in laws, who are in their 70s have come to terms with how many years they may have left. And instead of spending the next year or however long it takes to have an effective vaccine in isolation, they are going to live their lives.

I actually completely understand that viewpoint.



Have you known anyone who had covid or was ventilated? You would not understand their viewpoint if you had. Covid is terrifying and unbelievably painful. To go on a ventilator you are put into a coma and adult diapers and put on your stomach. If you survive, the damage to your lungs is permanent.

In your 70s, 80s or 90s - this is not an illness you want to take you.

THIS is what I wish the media would report more on.

And to OP: stop seeing your in laws.



+1. And you suffer and die completely alone.
The first PP is a true idiot if she thinks people have come to terms with this as a way to end their lives.



This. I’m so sick of the stupid “maybe they’re ready to take their chances”.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 20:35     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your in laws, who are in their 70s have come to terms with how many years they may have left. And instead of spending the next year or however long it takes to have an effective vaccine in isolation, they are going to live their lives.

I actually completely understand that viewpoint.


And wouldn't that all be fine and great if only they could potentially fall ill and/or die?

But NO, dear. No. They can give it to OP, to her husband, to her child. A 40something Broadway actor died the other day. Infants have died. A 5-year-old died. NO ONE is immune. Or, via getting it even with no symptoms from the grandparents, OP's child could pass it on to her daycare group. Do you get it?

If this was just old people willing to run the risk and live their lives, cool. But guess what? They end up in the ER with my 20something cousin taking care of them. They end up, asymptomatic, "socially distancing" at their church, where my sister is the pastor.

IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT OUR OWN RISK TOLERANCE, PEOPLE. I honestly don't get what you don't get about that.


+1,000. It's equal parts fascinating and horrifying how many times this has to be repeated over and over again.

Before March, I had no idea just how SIMPLE the average American is.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 19:30     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Mine are being risky too. It is very upsetting.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 19:27     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Limit visits to the outdoors - Yes
I've tried explaining ... - Useless
I've thought about just sending my daughter and him to their house for a couple hours - Are you insane? You just said it wasn't safe.

Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 19:17     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are behaving similarly. So we don’t see them. It’s that simple.


Same here. DH is 100% behind it thankfully, so there’s no angst.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 18:40     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
My in-laws are behaving similarly. So we don’t see them. It’s that simple.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 18:39     Subject: Grandparents not following social-distancing rules
So... stop spending time with them. These are your in-laws. What is your partner doing and saying in all this? They need to take responsibility and get involved for the health of your family, too.