Anonymous wrote:I think this dynamic, of a son in law feeling like his in laws expect him to play second fiddle or defer to the wealthy FIL, resembles how many women feel when they marry into families with opinionated, strong matriarchs. It's not good and the way out rests with the enforcement of boundaries (as kindly as possible) and the spouse siding with the husband, not the father.

Anonymous wrote:I mostly date broke WOC immigrants, but one time I dated a white woman who had family assets. She had a great job, owned two homes, and her family had a Florida house (with pool) and a house in upstate NY (which was more of a summer place) and I am sure when her parents die she will have a $5 million inheritance. But the best thing about her? She had really big boobs, and she loved to have them played with.

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Anonymous wrote:I am well within the 1%. I don’t mention money to the men I date. For those in the same general industry, they have a good idea of what I make from my job position. For others, they eventually can figure it out from where I live, the second home, DCs in private and vacations. Though they make think some of it comes from my Ex.

Are you ok with dating guys who make a lot less, or do you find that on some level you don’t respect them?

Anonymous wrote:I am well within the 1%. I don’t mention money to the men I date. For those in the same general industry, they have a good idea of what I make from my job position. For others, they eventually can figure it out from where I live, the second home, DCs in private and vacations. Though they make think some of it comes from my Ex.

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Anonymous wrote:I was recently talking to someone and they described a male friend as marrying well because the woman was from a wealthy family. Both the husband and wife work upper middle class jobs, but the husband has student loans and the wife's parents are easily in the top 1%. I never thought of a woman's wealth as something taken into consideration in a relationship, maybe her education level but never her literal salary/wealth. Am I being naive? Do some men want to marry or date wealthier women, in a sort of gendered reversed gold digger scenario?

As a man, I highly doubt it. But first, top 1% is not nearly enough to qualify as "marrying well" when you're talking about the parents. I'm in the top 1% and I don't have enough money to substantially improve my kids' lives. A car at 16, college, MAYBE $100k help to a downpayment. So I think you first need to change the definition of what it really means to "marry well." Second, the few guys I know who married wealthy women really wish they could delete the wealthy part. They fell in love with who they fell in love with, but in all three cases I know, the man feels like the woman's family constantly imposes on their life. Part of it is because these guys have all either been a CEO or developed a family mega business and are used to being in charge of everything. Another part is that the money is so substantial and the wife's father considers it to be such an important aspect of "family" that it starts dominating most life decisions. All three of my friends basically feel like they are playing second fiddle to a FIL boss. Men seek out women who are hot and have other good characteristics (in all three of these cases, the women possessed those attributes). I have never in my life heard any of my male friends even one mention how much money their date/girlfriend/wife makes as a positive attribute.

Ummm...do you not see how much of a leg up you are giving your kid? Car, college with no debt and $100,000. What kind of weird planet do you live on that you don’t see how huge that is.

I think he means "substantially improve" from his own life. Meaning this may have been the help he received as well. Noted that yes, debt-free college, car, home down payment are enormous legs up that most people do not receive.