Anonymous wrote:If I had my life over again, I would not adopt. It has been the biggest regret of my life. Every day I feel I am being punished. I did it out of kindness, and it has backfired on me. Genes will out at the end of the day and you can't fix damaged children.

Tough to consider but maybe you did not do it out of love. I say this as someone who always thought I would adopt until I had my own children. The biological connection does not make the love flow effortlessly. I still have to make the active decision to turn on the faucet of love most days and nights. If it is this hard with the children of my body, what right could I have to expect things to be better with another child?

Anonymous wrote:"If I had my life over again, I would not adopt. It has been the biggest regret of my life. Every day I feel I am being punished. I did it out of kindness, and it has backfired on me. Genes will out at the end of the day and you can't fix damaged children. "


Sadly, I know a lot of people who feel like this. In some cases, no matter what the family does, the child is so damaged that nothing will help and sometimes the child is even a danger to the rest of the family and the family cannot keep the child. It's a very difficult situation because everyone goes into forming a family with hopes and dreams of how wonderful it will be to be a parent.

However, that being said, for many, even where kids are damaged, being part of a loving family can fix a lot of things. And, for those things that can't be fixed, parents can teach their kids how to live with it.

This reminds me of my sister whose husband was an alcoholic (now dead). She said, "all he needs is love." She found out the hard way love wasn't nearly as important as his next drink.

"If I had my life over again, I would not adopt. It has been the biggest regret of my life. Every day I feel I am being punished. I did it out of kindness, and it has backfired on me. Genes will out at the end of the day and you can't fix damaged children. "


Sadly, I know a lot of people who feel like this. In some cases, no matter what the family does, the child is so damaged that nothing will help and sometimes the child is even a danger to the rest of the family and the family cannot keep the child. It's a very difficult situation because everyone goes into forming a family with hopes and dreams of how wonderful it will be to be a parent.

However, that being said, for many, even where kids are damaged, being part of a loving family can fix a lot of things. And, for those things that can't be fixed, parents can teach their kids how to live with it.

If I had my life over again, I would not adopt. It has been the biggest regret of my life. Every day I feel I am being punished. I did it out of kindness, and it has backfired on me. Genes will out at the end of the day and you can't fix damaged children.

We have two kids, one whom we adopted and one who was born into our family. And, no, we don't regret having either of them. Despite their imperfections and our own, we are a very happy family. Our kids are a gift from God and we try very hard to be worthy of them. Each is an individual whom I feel very privileged to know and from whom I've learned much. (Of course, this is when they're not driving me absolutely crazy!

My only regret concerning our adoption is that I wish so much we could meet our DD's birth parents, or somehow let them know that she is a beautiful, joyful girl who lives life with zest and gratitude. I pray that somehow they will come to know this.

As far as parents who have kids just to complete their image, believe me I know what you're talking about. I've seen it, but only among parents with children to whom they're biologically related. The adoptive parents I know had to work so much harder to have their kids -- I've never seen one who did it for status.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is supposed to cure the adoptive parents of the trauma of infertility - impossible
The newborn misses its own mother - it is called the primal wound. The baby knows it is with a caretaker it does not know.
Adoptive parents are jealous of the bio parents, the kid is made to feel guilty, when it wants to search the parents are against it. This results in some cases even in blackmail. i.e. They did not want you, we raised you
Sometimes society is negative toward adoption. You stay as the adopted cousin

Are you really this ignorant, or are you just pretending!!!

I think what she said is true. I know someone who is adopted who is now 5o yrs old and her adoptive mother refuses to even discuss her adoption. Her adopted brother did not know he was adopted (4 yrs. younger than my friend) until he was grown because adoptive mother was so afraid they might want to locate biological mother. Adoptive mother was, and still is, jealous and she is 80 yrs. old!

There are over 120,000 children waiting to be adopted. Most of these are older children, which means 6 or older. I adopted a teenager 2 years ago. It has been a big challenge. Kids in foster care have been through a lot. Before you adopt you need to know what to expect. An adopted child brings a lot of past hurt with them. There will be problems. You should be able to deal with them. I am still glad I adopted. I wish I would have known more about what to expect. fri2002bc@aol.com

The life of an adoptee is not so glamorous.
Adaptive parents are human as everyone else. There are divorces, bankrupcies, periods of sickness and unemployment.

I am an adoptive parent. My answer to this question -- whatever the motives of the OP for posting it -- is an unequivocal, unreserved - HELL NO!

When I say my prayers at night, my son's arrival into my life tops the gratitude list. I know in my deepest heart of hearts, that this child was meant to be part of my family.

We didn't adopt due to infertility either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is supposed to cure the adoptive parents of the trauma of infertility - impossible
The newborn misses its own mother - it is called the primal wound. The baby knows it is with a caretaker it does not know.
Adoptive parents are jealous of the bio parents, the kid is made to feel guilty, when it wants to search the parents are against it. This results in some cases even in blackmail. i.e. They did not want you, we raised you
Sometimes society is negative toward adoption. You stay as the adopted cousin

Not everyone adopts due to infertility. We didn't.

Ditto here!

I am an adoptive parent and am happy that I adopted instead of having a biological child. I really believe that a biological child of my own would not be as perfect as the child I adopted.

I do know from being around many adoption list servs and message boards that yes, there are plenty of adoptive parents who regret adopting and there are plenty of birthparents who regret relinquishing their child for adoption.

I also know several people IRL who regret the biological children they had and are raising.

There must be a lot of adoptive parents on this forum who feel very threatened by this question.

As long as we do not talk about problems, they do not exist.

What a stupid question!!

adoptive parents are sometimes very imperfect, but so are many biological parents - just open any newspaper!!