I would honestly divorce him and fight for full custody. He’s emotionally abusive and you’re enabling it. My dh isn’t always great about being present either but that’s a far cry from trying to manipulate a preschooler into liking you by lying and threatening death. Jesus.

I would guess that your husband is not open to therapy. If so, go for it. If not, you might get him to post a thread of his own. Hopefully the Trolls will stay away but in general, I find that if a thread can stay civil there is some great insight and suggestions here.

I think your DH needs to hear that his behavior is destructive from someone else than you for him to believe it, unfortunately, and you might not have a lot of other options.

Just a thought....