Anonymous wrote:I see so many a-holes being successful that I am starting to doubt I need to work on anything.
Hopefully something good will grow out of him.
Once he is 18 I am over it all (will help as needed but will stop “raising” him).

It’s not about being “successful.” It’s about being a decent, self-sufficient human.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get them involved in a church or religious organization from an early age. (And I mean involved; not just showing up for a few services a year. Make youth group, Vacation Bible School, Sunday school, etc an expectation.

They will meet friends and other families there that have these same values, and they are reinforced by other adults. You will start to reap the benefits of this when they hit middle school/ high school age.

That's my concern. I have no interest in linking up our kids up with groups riddled with overt or latent homophobic, sexist, and possibly racist views.

+1]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get them involved in a church or religious organization from an early age. (And I mean involved; not just showing up for a few services a year. Make youth group, Vacation Bible School, Sunday school, etc an expectation.

They will meet friends and other families there that have these same values, and they are reinforced by other adults. You will start to reap the benefits of this when they hit middle school/ high school age.

No thanks

+1

Anonymous wrote:Get them involved in a church or religious organization from an early age. (And I mean involved; not just showing up for a few services a year. Make youth group, Vacation Bible School, Sunday school, etc an expectation.

They will meet friends and other families there that have these same values, and they are reinforced by other adults. You will start to reap the benefits of this when they hit middle school/ high school age.

That's my concern. I have no interest in linking up our kids up with groups riddled with overt or latent homophobic, sexist, and possibly racist views.

Anonymous wrote:I was at my wits end and turned to an old book I got with an extremely strict schedule from 7 to 7 for my six year old ds and we battled for about 5 days but I was desperate so I did what it said. He is changing for the better and is so talkative and polite to me now. He transitions to new tasks with ease. He helps me with clean up and then smiles when he’s done.
Like all the pp’s I tried modeling, being understanding but structured, considering his viewpoint and innate personality, implementing rewards, and thought I was doing everything right but was raising a kid who was appallingly disrespectful.

What is this magical book??

My 6 year old has chores: empty the dishwasher, vacuum, brush the cat, clean her room, wipe down her bathroom. She usually gets to choose 1 or 2 per day.

I give her the ability to make choices I don’t agree with, but let her know there could be a negative consequence. “If you keep doing backward somersaults off of the bed, you could hit your head and hurt yourself. It’s up to you, though.”

When she’s disrespectful or disagreeable, I give her the benefit of the doubt, but try to frame things to make her change her behavior. If she snaps at us and refuses to do a chore, I’ll say, “I bet you were so busy with xyz that you forgot to do abc like you were supposed to. I bet that you’ll do abc after you finish xyz, right?”

When all else fails, I take away screen time. Still working on perseverance and problem solving.

Anonymous wrote:Continuously modeling these traits as a parent.

Yes.

I see so many a-holes being successful that I am starting to doubt I need to work on anything.
Hopefully something good will grow out of him.
Once he is 18 I am over it all (will help as needed but will stop “raising” him).

Anonymous wrote:How have you done this?

I've found that these help: High expectations of behavior, especially respect for self and others, and for academic success. More support will need to be provided for kids with LD, ADHD, etc but challenging them to reach their full potential is essential. Structure and routine. Household responsibilities, ideally not linked to an allowance. Being empathetic towards your kid and expecting the same in return. These sound obvious, but I think they're very important, if not fundamental. Playing a sport or musical instrument is also great, if possible.

My kids went to private christian school and this was drilled early on. We have the same family values and instill it at home, but I feel like school backing it up have a really big impact on children.

My kids are 9 and 7 and both have been involved in karate since they were 4. I’ve been training for 2 years as well. I think being involved in the karate school has really helped them with several of these categories. That said, they are still relatively young... so haven’t come across the teenage years.

Anonymous wrote:I was at my wits end and turned to an old book I got with an extremely strict schedule from 7 to 7 for my six year old ds and we battled for about 5 days but I was desperate so I did what it said. He is changing for the better and is so talkative and polite to me now. He transitions to new tasks with ease. He helps me with clean up and then smiles when he’s done.
Like all the pp’s I tried modeling, being understanding but structured, considering his viewpoint and innate personality, implementing rewards, and thought I was doing everything right but was raising a kid who was appallingly disrespectful.

What book was this? Would be interested to try it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Force kids to look others in the eyes and say hello. When I was a kid/tween, the times I didn’t do this, my mom would say loudly in front of the person “Larla (me) says hello. Larla, say hello.” This exchange humiliated me so many times, but I didn’t act correctly until my mom did it in front of a family friend my age. I almost barfed.

You again and you're still wrong. Don't force anyone to do this.

This is a key skill for getting hired for any job. If applicant does not look interviewer in the eyes they typically will not be hired. It doesn't matter if it
is for a $15 per hour job or a $250,000 per hour job. Eye contact and the abilty to shake hands upon greeting (in non Covid times) goes a long way in getting hired for a job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get them involved in a church or religious organization from an early age. (And I mean involved; not just showing up for a few services a year. Make youth group, Vacation Bible School, Sunday school, etc an expectation.

They will meet friends and other families there that have these same values, and they are reinforced by other adults. You will start to reap the benefits of this when they hit middle school/ high school age.

Oof. I feel like you have no idea what really goes on in most youth groups.

NP. I volunteered in a church youth group for three years. The teens were great! The retreats were really the highlight for the students, though. Lots of bonding. I would absolutely send my kids. I am sorry you had ( or heard of) a negative experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Force kids to look others in the eyes and say hello. When I was a kid/tween, the times I didn’t do this, my mom would say loudly in front of the person “Larla (me) says hello. Larla, say hello.” This exchange humiliated me so many times, but I didn’t act correctly until my mom did it in front of a family friend my age. I almost barfed.

You again and you're still wrong. Don't force anyone to do this.

This is an interesting thread. I would definitely try to teach my kids to be respectful of others.

Anonymous wrote:Force kids to look others in the eyes and say hello. When I was a kid/tween, the times I didn’t do this, my mom would say loudly in front of the person “Larla (me) says hello. Larla, say hello.” This exchange humiliated me so many times, but I didn’t act correctly until my mom did it in front of a family friend my age. I almost barfed.

You again and you're still wrong. Don't force anyone to do this.