I’m an only child and don’t know anything about sibling rivalry. I have a 4.5 and a 2 year old. They are close now (could be better since DS is SN) but all this doesn’t guarantee that they will be close when they are adults right?

Nothing you do will make them be close. It'll happen naturally, or won't happen at all. Learn to accept that.

Personalities have a lot to do with it. My sister and I are two years apart and could not be more opposite. But she’s also very difficult to get along with (not just my opinion) and we fought like crazy growing up while also being best friends. As adults, we are close, but not as close because of her difficulties.
My two DDs are also two years apart and very opposite personalities as well. But they get along greatly and rarely fight. I’d like to take credit for this, but I think we just got lucky. And we have no idea how their adult relationship will be.

Hi. Teaching them to do what is right, doing fun activities together, and having family meals and times together (going for walks, bike rides, reading etc..) are all important. Siblings fight and to some extent that is normal. But you don't want that to go beyond minor arguments and fights but rather want to develop a strong bond. Teaching kindness and respect are important. I found this great article on dealing with sibling rivalry and teaching kids to be kind - https://bit.ly/315jqL9
(you can copy and paste it on your browser to read).
Hope it helps you

Anonymous wrote:You can do family activities and talk about the importance of family, but you can’t force a close relationship. I’ve got three siblings. We were all raised with family time and family activities, but one sibling has always done his own thing and isn’t close to the rest of us. It just happens. Your kids may end up with completely different personalities. Or different interests. Or maybe they bond more with their friends than their siblings. Certainly you should do family activities. But recognize that you can’t control their relationship and trying to micromanage it will backfire.

This is very good advice, OP. So is the advice by others to read about sibling rivalry and to work on coaching kids' responses to each other during the years when they're younger and learning to navigate not just sibling relationships, but all relationships.

The particularly good part of the post above is what I've highlighted in bold. I hope you'll take it to heart, OP. You mention in your post that you are very close to your sibling and that it "scares" you that your children might not have the same kind of bond. That's a red flag, I think, that you are setting yourself up early to be upset and disappointed if your children aren't close in the way you and your sibling are close. Please rethink that and realize that closeness has many forms, and it's also fine -- and not a failure of your children or your parenting -- if your kids are not naturally friends. They will be different humans with possibly quite different interests, personalities, and values. That's hard to consider when they're little ones and you just want them to play sweetly together, and that's the definition of "getting along." But it's crucial to keep in mind as they get older and maybe have little in common. You can absolutely say there are family events, family priorities, and they'll support each other and cheer each other on. But you can't create emotional bonds FOR them.

Anonymous wrote:Well mine are 7 and 5 and fight a TON but also want to play together constantly and have long moments that are great with no bickering. Not sure what that will equate too. We can only do our best.

My own brother is 6 years younger than me so it was a larger gap. We aren’t very close in the sense that we talk all the time. But, we know we have each other’s backs when needed.

This. My boys are 8 and 12 and have completely opposing personalities. I do A LOT of coaching on how the kids should react to their sibling, appropriate responses, and minimizing the fighting.

My parents were great never playing favorites and always creating we are in this together fun atmosphere. Now I’m in my 30’s as are my siblings and we are best friends. With my kids I’m just trying to do what my parents did.