Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's stupid. I have kids who were born out of wedlock. Their father and I just never felt any desire to get married. So we haven't. Everyone is thriving.

It's 2020. No need for marriage to have a baby.

This is what I tell my kids. Be loving and responsible to the kids/mother, if this is the course you choose.

Numerous studies have shown that having children out of wedlock means worse outcomes for the children involved. That statistic isn’t going away anytime soon.

I don't think those statistics account for or apply as directly to scenarios where the parents are post-grad educated with high HHI. Statistically it's not ideal for the parents to be unmarried but reality is more nuanced.

Anonymous wrote:That's stupid. I have kids who were born out of wedlock. Their father and I just never felt any desire to get married. So we haven't. Everyone is thriving.

It's 2020. No need for marriage to have a baby.

+1

Anonymous wrote:No you have it wrong. She just wants to get married to get all the cool presents from Williams Sonoma. Pasta maker, bread maker, ice cream maker, the glassware, a little torch for crème brulee, plates and bowls, more pots and pans, waffle iron, panini press, barbeque, throw some towels in there, kitchen gadgets you probably will never use, a food processor, vegetable chopper, pressure cooker, juicers, wine shit, coffee shit, grilling shit, shit, shit, shit, and more shit. When she gets divorced, she will keep all the shit.

+1. I got married solely for the little torch. Doesn't matter that the wedding and divorce cost me thousands and thousands of $$$ more than if I had just bought it myself. All my friends would have scoffed at me and gossiped behind my back. Everyone knows the ONLY little torch worth having is a little torch bought with someone else's money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's stupid. I have kids who were born out of wedlock. Their father and I just never felt any desire to get married. So we haven't. Everyone is thriving.

It's 2020. No need for marriage to have a baby.

This is what I tell my kids. Be loving and responsible to the kids/mother, if this is the course you choose.

Numerous studies have shown that having children out of wedlock means worse outcomes for the children involved. That statistic isn’t going away anytime soon.

Anonymous wrote:That's stupid. I have kids who were born out of wedlock. Their father and I just never felt any desire to get married. So we haven't. Everyone is thriving.

It's 2020. No need for marriage to have a baby.

This is what I tell my kids. Be loving and responsible to the kids/mother, if this is the course you choose.

No you have it wrong. She just wants to get married to get all the cool presents from Williams Sonoma. Pasta maker, bread maker, ice cream maker, the glassware, a little torch for crème brulee, plates and bowls, more pots and pans, waffle iron, panini press, barbeque, throw some towels in there, kitchen gadgets you probably will never use, a food processor, vegetable chopper, pressure cooker, juicers, wine shit, coffee shit, grilling shit, shit, shit, shit, and more shit. When she gets divorced, she will keep all the shit.

As someone who just had a baby, I can’t imagine giving up half my time with him just do I could be married when he was born. That’s idiotic.

I understand that people change/grow apart and divorce is a necessary evil, but to plan on a divorce and a baby? That’s beyond stupid.

Anonymous wrote:That's stupid. I have kids who were born out of wedlock. Their father and I just never felt any desire to get married. So we haven't. Everyone is thriving.

It's 2020. No need for marriage to have a baby.

I also have two children. One was at our wedding in a cute little vest. His sister was born a few days before our first wedding anniversary. Mom wanted us married and paid for it. I got a cool ring. Meh. The decision to create a family was more meaningful than the day of the white dress. Whatever. It made people happy. My daughter is annoyed that she wasn't at the wedding tho!

She is stupid. He will have parental rights. It will make life hard. Easier to have a baby on your own. She should not get married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she and why can’t she just get knocked up? Much cheaper approach that I plan to take if I hit my mid-to-late 30s unmarried.

Seriously. Why would you opt into a likely contentious, divorced, co-parenting relationship? I get you do the best with what you're given if you divorce with young kids, but would never walk into it with those feelings. She should get a sperm donor and call it a day.

I agree. Either be committed, or have a child on your own.

When kids are older and see all their friends parents who are married it does affect them.
A girlfriend/boyfriend relationship is never as important. It's still considered tacky by society. We used to watch that show Fear Factor. My DH remarked that almost all the shows the husbands would go back into the water to retrieve the wives regardless. The bf didn't. He was actually right about that, lol.

OP your friend should stay married imo and enjoy her family. After divorcing him what does she think she will find...lol
Her situation is not all that unusual, except for planning the divorce before the marriage!!!

That being said I have a friend who is now 49, she wishes she would have stopped birth control years ago. Instead of listening to a husband
who didn't want to have kids. She's not even with him and they married for love..

I would encourage your friend to be committed to this man if she marries him.

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine just recently got engaged, she doesn't really want to get married, but she wants a baby. Her plan is to get married and then divorce him once the baby is born because she doesn't want her child to be born out of wedlock. Sounds like a foolish idea to me, but she's that desperate to have a baby. I feel bad for her fiance.

It's not just foolish (as in these plans aren't realistic), they are quite cruel to the father who would presumably love and want the baby and look forward to raising children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted as a single woman. I get to make all the decisions myself. She won’t.

Plus 1

+2 single mom of 2 kids

This is just dumb. If you want a baby just have a baby and not have to deal with an ex Dh and his family and custody.

Well, now you get to be a witness in her divorce lawsuit. Tell the judge what she said.