It's honestly hard for anyone to watch both a 4 and a 1.5 around a pool. They want to do different things but neither can be trusted alone.

Grandma sounds like my MIL. No way. In my case, I only have one young child and the only way he was near water is if both grandparents were there or if A parent were there in addition to MIL. Two kids, absolutely there needs to be another adult.

Absolutely not. She should have talked to you about it first. It's a recipe for disaster with the youngest child.

I would express bewilderment that she booked something for my kids to go to without parental permission, and hope she can get a refund for it.

Because there is no way I am letting my family expose themselves in a crowded hotel situation (we rented a house with private beach outside of town).

I would never let my kids stay with a person who demonstrates such poor judgement, without me, so the pool risk is actually moot. The location is not acceptable in these Covid times - that’s the problem, otherwise I would just travel with my kids.

Nope. Not unless you went and stayed as well.

No, definitely not.

No

Absolutely not, and I am not an overly anxious person. Even without the pool, it would be questionable. People who do not have young children forget how exhausting they are and how difficult it is watching two -- who are apt to go off in two different directions and do not follow directions all that well. People who are dismissive of concerns about watching two small kids at once are even more problematic -- as they think it's no problem to go back and get something or look at their phone and OMG, where did that kid go?

I read my dad the riot act for losing my kid at a museum once -- I told him you have to keep an eagle eye on them, they wander away, and of course, he dismissed it and was looking at his phone -- yes, dad, it was just for a few seconds but a few seconds is all it takes for you to lose sight of the kid!

^^ pp from above. I assumed this was your mother in law based on another poster. Whomever’s mother this is needs to have a family discussion.

Sounds like you are visiting too, which makes this easier. I would do all day activities together - breakfast, pool, beach, lunch (you take 1 year old to nap and DH stays with 4 year old and plays card game with grandma). Dinner all of you and then pjs, teeth brush and books in grandma’s room. She “watches” them overnight and up to wake up time. Kids get a sleep over. You get a “free” night with instructions that grandma can call for anything.

You all wake up and have breakfast together.

I would not trust anyone to watch my two kids by a pool solo. I really prefer 1:1 coverage in a pool. Little one has to be held the entire time. 4 year old is not 12. You need someone who shares your sense of diligence when it comes to pools.

Side note, your husband’s family needs to talk about he diminished mental state. It’s easy to dismiss as “flakey” and “absent minded” but getting off at the wrong stop and get to flustered (not oh shoot, let me call and let them know and then get on next train), mixing up dates and times, leaving water boiling on Stove for 45 min when you are making dinner. Those are all signs that she needs cognitive intervention. Much better to start that early rather than after a major incident

I really don't get why anyone wants an overnight visit. You just have to deal with the kid being stressed out if they wake and their normal people aren't there.

A four year old and 1.5 year old are a lot together and she gets frazzled easily. Why not just the 4 year old?

Do not agree to this. Do not.

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t she just visit you at your house?

She is in flying distance and I’m not comfortable with her flying and staying with us at this time. We are driving and camping in the way.

Anonymous wrote:it doesn't sound like you trust her in general.

I do trust her but she’s a little absent minded. One example, she had a dream to take our child on a train ride and we met her at the stop she was getting off and she got off at the wrong stop and got really frazzled. She’s not older, she’s in her 60’s, but she just is not used to being around small kids all day so it’s a lot. I find it difficult to do things like the beach and pool with my kids and I’m with them everyday and have some systems in place. Also she has a little bit of an old school mentality about things and safety isn’t always the first priority. “My kids ate grapes without cutting them and they lived to tell the story” “My kids didn’t have car seats and they are alive now” kind of mentality..

Why doesn’t she just visit you at your house?