Anonymous
Post 06/14/2020 15:55     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to be a marriage where there is an “ending” strategy.


I don't have a pre or post nap but would totally do so if my spouse died and I remarried. DH had nothing when we married and although he makes much more than I do, we've been together long enough that I would be fine if he had a crazy/ unexpected mid-life crisis and left me.

Not being realistic that some marriages actually do end has put millions of women in dire financial straits. I think it's worth all couples talking about - especially if the wife takes time off from work to raise kids as that can be the death knell for ever catching up with previous earning potential.


OP here. This is similar to our situation. I had to end my career in mid-life to allow him to take a "big" job in a state far from DC. I cannot work in my field outside of DC. (Home with the kids now.) It is unlikely that my income would ever recover if I had to work again, especially not in our new location, at my age, after an extended break from the workforce. The odds are against me. So I sacrificed my future earnings for his. He's currently making 3x our previous total family income. For our family, it was a good call. But, I'm not naive about how marriages can fall apart. Clearly, I need to protect my interest in his future earnings, which are only just beginning to accrue as assets.

However, in addition to finances, I'm also interested in how I can protect the kids. We have friends who have a nesting arrangement in their agreement.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2020 09:32     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to be a marriage where there is an “ending” strategy.


I don't have a pre or post nap but would totally do so if my spouse died and I remarried. DH had nothing when we married and although he makes much more than I do, we've been together long enough that I would be fine if he had a crazy/ unexpected mid-life crisis and left me.

Not being realistic that some marriages actually do end has put millions of women in dire financial straits. I think it's worth all couples talking about - especially if the wife takes time off from work to raise kids as that can be the death knell for ever catching up with previous earning potential.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2020 09:15     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to be a marriage where there is an “ending” strategy.


No one does. Sometimes things happen in such a way that your choice is end now or stay in and take a huge financial risk. When that happens, a postnup can end the financial risk and give you time to work it out. I’m glad for you that you have never had to imagine it.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2020 07:37     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to be a marriage where there is an “ending” strategy.


If I had kids and the guy was a good father, a post nup until they were 18 and out of the house is reasonable. People don’t know what they would actually do unless faced with it (no matter core beliefs). Setting yourself up financially and disassociating for 5-7 years and then being set for life is not a bad option vs seeing your kids 50% of the time and having them have to visit different homes, particularly when you look at studies on divorce in kids. If there is no fighting or strife in front of the kids and spouses can get along, it’s better that way- to keep them in a family unit.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2020 07:20     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
I don’t want to be a marriage where there is an “ending” strategy.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2020 06:06     Subject: Re:What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite.

Spouse had an affair. Spouse remorseful begging not to divorce, in therapy.

In order to even think about reconciliation, I required a post-nup, std tests, AP’s name and vasectomy. He is already in intensive individual and group therapy on his own initiative and the affair was already over. He ended it. That was confirmed. She wanted to leave her husband for him and have him support her non-working @ss. Lol

We have 2 homes.

I’m writing in that I get the million one in the city and 1/2 of the $1.6 million one we live in.

I am also asking for part of his retirement.

I make decent $ ($185k/great health benefits) and he makes between $300k-500k/yr depending on project. We will go over spousal support/child support.


I look at is as protection and first sign he’s up to no good makes divorce much easier with most of the terms already negotiated.

Post nups are VERY common now and completely enforceable- each person is required to have their own attorney. Look at track record.


Wow...with those kinds of requirements, I would just get a divorce.


He does not want to lose me. He is also cooking, shopping, cleaning, doing on child-related issues. He is very committed to the marriage and willing to sign off on anything so I won’t leave him. He is in therapy 4 days per week. I did not ask him to do that. He found the therapists and group sessions himself. I have done nothing in 2 months- minus my day job. His therapist told me he is the most motivated to change and remorseful man he’s ever worked with. His Therapist asked me to meet with him today. He wanted me to know it was not love between the AP and my husband. His prior therapist (the one he got to help end the affair) told me the same thing. He’s F@cked up from a really traumatic childhood and does not want to live life this way. He had the vasectomy within a week after discovery.

I don’t know whether to thank the married whore AP or not . I’m starting to think it was a good thing to impact drastic change. Rock bottom. At least I will come out of it financially set if it doesn’t work out. He swears the rest of his life is only for me and the kids no matter what happens.


Sounds like your DH thought he would get away with his affair with the “classic” married person. Lots of people think having affairs with other married people will be much safer and covert lessening the chances of a ‘Fatal Attraction’ situation and getting caught. Btw calling his mistress a whore is passing the blame. Your DH is the only person to blame here sister. He sounds so much like my ex husband and a few of my ex bfs who would say and do anything after an affair to keep me! Of course till the next Affair..
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2020 22:11     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
Ours specifies that if either partner gains in excess of 20 pounds from the wedding day, the asset split will go to the healthier spouse by 10% for each additional pound gained
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2020 22:07     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
Finances only. I earned it all (under circumstances that were atypical and unfavorable to me); I’d keep it all. Spouse waives alimony.

All this discussion about STD testing and whatnot is inconceivable to me.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2020 22:05     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why anyone would do a postnup.

Ridiculous. Also, a good attorney can get them thrown out.

Prenups are much more enforceable.

If you need a postnup, might as well separate. It is weird.


My dad had a prenup when he remarried. About 5 years later they did a post-nuptial agreement which greatly improved his wife’s position. He died and I was his executor. His widow went to a “good lawyer” who advised her she could do even better. They contested the prenup and the anti nuptial agreements. They lost and the post-nup prevailed. Cost the estate over a $100k to “win”. So I’ll disagree, a “good lawyer” can’t necessarily get them thrown out. But a lawyer, any lawyer, can make life miserable for awhile.


Yes. I have heard currently post nups hold up better than pre nups in a long marriage. They are common now.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2020 21:46     Subject: Re:What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:Melanie did a post nup before her move to the White House. It’s why she stayed in NYC longer. She didn’t have much in the pre nup and as the new First LadY she was in a good position to get what she wanted—and for Barron too so he got as much as Donnie, Ivanka and Eric.


She revised her already existing pre-nup. That is not the same.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2020 21:26     Subject: Re:What's in your post-nup?
Melanie did a post nup before her move to the White House. It’s why she stayed in NYC longer. She didn’t have much in the pre nup and as the new First LadY she was in a good position to get what she wanted—and for Barron too so he got as much as Donnie, Ivanka and Eric.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2020 21:23     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why anyone would do a postnup.

Ridiculous. Also, a good attorney can get them thrown out.

Prenups are much more enforceable.

If you need a postnup, might as well separate. It is weird.


My dad had a prenup when he remarried. About 5 years later they did a post-nuptial agreement which greatly improved his wife’s position. He died and I was his executor. His widow went to a “good lawyer” who advised her she could do even better. They contested the prenup and the anti nuptial agreements. They lost and the post-nup prevailed. Cost the estate over a $100k to “win”. So I’ll disagree, a “good lawyer” can’t necessarily get them thrown out. But a lawyer, any lawyer, can make life miserable for awhile.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2020 20:17     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My Ex wanted me to quit work and SAH. At the time, I made approximately $500k a year. I told him I’d only quit if there was a post-nup securing my financial future (his business is worth tens of millions). He refused. That was many years ago and we are now divorced and I am happy I kept my job that pays even more now. I also got half his business.


Smart lady.


+1000. A good role model.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2020 20:13     Subject: What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:My Ex wanted me to quit work and SAH. At the time, I made approximately $500k a year. I told him I’d only quit if there was a post-nup securing my financial future (his business is worth tens of millions). He refused. That was many years ago and we are now divorced and I am happy I kept my job that pays even more now. I also got half his business.


Smart lady.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2020 20:11     Subject: Re:What's in your post-nup?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite.

Spouse had an affair. Spouse remorseful begging not to divorce, in therapy.

In order to even think about reconciliation, I required a post-nup, std tests, AP’s name and vasectomy. He is already in intensive individual and group therapy on his own initiative and the affair was already over. He ended it. That was confirmed. She wanted to leave her husband for him and have him support her non-working @ss. Lol

We have 2 homes.

I’m writing in that I get the million one in the city and 1/2 of the $1.6 million one we live in.

I am also asking for part of his retirement.

I make decent $ ($185k/great health benefits) and he makes between $300k-500k/yr depending on project. We will go over spousal support/child support.


I look at is as protection and first sign he’s up to no good makes divorce much easier with most of the terms already negotiated.

Post nups are VERY common now and completely enforceable- each person is required to have their own attorney. Look at track record.


Wow...with those kinds of requirements, I would just get a divorce.


He does not want to lose me. He is also cooking, shopping, cleaning, doing on child-related issues. He is very committed to the marriage and willing to sign off on anything so I won’t leave him. He is in therapy 4 days per week. I did not ask him to do that. He found the therapists and group sessions himself. I have done nothing in 2 months- minus my day job. His therapist told me he is the most motivated to change and remorseful man he’s ever worked with. His Therapist asked me to meet with him today. He wanted me to know it was not love between the AP and my husband. His prior therapist (the one he got to help end the affair) told me the same thing. He’s F@cked up from a really traumatic childhood and does not want to live life this way. He had the vasectomy within a week after discovery.

I don’t know whether to thank the married whore AP or not . I’m starting to think it was a good thing to impact drastic change. Rock bottom. At least I will come out of it financially set if it doesn’t work out. He swears the rest of his life is only for me and the kids no matter what happens.