You need to make sacrifices (working in your bedroom or even bathroom) and get a good nanny or babysitter. It has to be an option, OP, small house or not.

I would say to get help if it is at all an option.

Anonymous wrote:You and DH need to work in shifts. That's what we do. Instead of 8-5, one person works 7-9 while other watches our kids, then swap and that person works 9-11, and so on. We then extend our workday into the evening or morning (one of us gets up at 5am to work then too).

This is what we did for three months, with our 5 year old, and I would recommend it. It helps that I'm a morning person and could get 2 hours of work done before the kids get up. Last week, we brought in a grandparent because even that was really difficult and we had no time to speak to each other. Even with the grandparent now living with us, he's thriving but we are absolutely exhausted and the house is dusty and messy (we prioritize cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms and doing laundry).

OP, your child is four. You and your spouse need to push back on your "inflexible" telework jobs and figure out a way to give her more attention.

We had my 3.5 year old home with us for 10 weeks (fortunately daycare reopened and she started back this week). We did a structured day where DH and I alternated mornings with her, then she'd have a 2 hour quiet time in her room in the afternoon to play independently, and then some screen time after that. It allowed us to only have to each work 10 hours a week during non-standard times, provided a structure to her day and prevent everyone from going crazy.

She is four. How much could she possibly be falling behind??? Shifts, like someone said, are a good idea. You wake up early and work, then take care of her, mostly for play time not for some insane academic load for a 4 year old! Then dh, takes a break from work, and he takes care of dd while you work. Both of you work late once she is sleeping. Or a high school kid for a few hours per day. Seriously, it is not ideal but, it makes me wonder why are you thinking she is falling behind? Sure, I can see your concern about her being wild, but she is 4 and bored. I cannot understand insanity of forcing academics on a four year old. Singing, counting, reading, sure, but I assure you other four year olds are also "falling behind," whatever that means!

What jobs do you and your dh do?

Can one of you work from 6am-1pm and the other from noon to 8pm?

Anonymous wrote:This is really hard. All parents need to give themselves a break. Of course a 4 year old is struggling. It will be ok whatever you decide

I agree that it's hard and that it will be ok. Your daughter is not going to have permanent damage for forgetting letters. But, given that you don't commute now, it would seem like you could make time in the mornings and evenings for some structured activities. If it's letters you're worried about, get some bathtub toys or refrigerator magnets. Things are tough, but you can make it better.

Anonymous wrote:I & DH have been working 8-5pm from home, and our 4 year old DD has been out of daycare since mid-March. Both of us have no time to take care of DD during work hours, and we feel really sorry for her.

I also feel bad for your daughter. She is ignored by her parents all day with no one to talk to and just some workbooks thrown at her! That's not only a terrible learning experience for a 4 year old but but also an incredibly lonely one.

You and your husband need to sit down and come up with a schedule where you both spend some time with her. She can also have some quiet time in the afternoon where she independently plays and you can both work. Take a break from the workbooks and focus on reading to her and practicing sounding out words. Use apps to help teach and practice phonics. Have her sit next to you while she practices writing letters. Then come up with fun activities that she can do at the table while you also sit and work. Simple crafts, sensory bins, magnatiles or Lego challenges. My daughter is 4.5 and she loves paint by sticker books, building anything with Legos and magnatiles, coloring, et. Lastly focus on getting some movement in everyday. Cosmic Yoga or Go Noodle are great options. Go for walks or scooter/bike rides in the evening. We live in a small apartment in the city and we make it work. Both of you need to step up as parents.

Also, inflexible telework is kind of strange to me. The whole point of having telework is flexibility. Think about the things you do at the office that aren't work related: lunch hour, bathroom breaks, coffee breaks, socialization in the kitchen, meetings, walking around the block to clear your head. Those are all times you can do things with your kid. I know it's hard, and it sucks, all of this sucks, but push back on the inflexibility a bit. If someone wants to have a meeting when you normally do lunch, it's ok to say no. Sometimes we have to force people to be accommodating, and while it doesn't feel good, it's just how it is right now.

OP, this is a hard time for everyone. I agree that you and your spouse need to do some split shifts for work so she gets more attention. It's not fair to anyone, but, work will survive without you for a few hours a day, or getting that product out a little later.

I'd also seriously consider hiring a babysitter over the summer, starting now. I'm thinking about doing this for my son, who is 8, just for a few hours each week. We can manage but I think it would be good for him.

This situation is not sustainable for 98% of the population. You're doing the best you can with the situation at hand.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a parenting issue and you need to change your parenting. If she has bad manners and is undisciplined, that is a parenting issue. You cannot expect day care to parent her without you doing it at home.

This!

You appear to be terrible parents

There are lots of fun iPad educational apps for 4 year olds. If you're both working so crazy hard, I'm guessing you have money to throw at a new iPad with a kid-proof case.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a parenting issue and you need to change your parenting. If she has bad manners and is undisciplined, that is a parenting issue. You cannot expect day care to parent her without you doing it at home.

Did you miss where OP said she’s FOUR years old?