Olive oil was a mistake.

The only oil that actually helps detangle Is coconut oil. Otherwise you’re better off getting the hair wet and drowning it in conditioner. Use a comb (never ever brush) and start from the tips and work your way up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - flashback. I did this exact same thing about the exact same age - right down to the bun. Just got lazy, and then it snowballed. It took my mom and I days to get it all untangled. We tried everything - wet, dry, different combs, different sprays and conditioners. It took hours. What an unpleasant experience.

When it was finally done, mom took me right to the hairdressers, and I got a shortish hair cut "until you can prove you can take care of it."

A very memorable learning experience. I'm now a responsible adult with long hair that I brush every day

I know it's frustrating! But it'll all work out.

So you did all the work to get it untangles and THEN you cut it anyway? I want to cut it because I don't want to deal with the untangling part.

If it’s a big knot, she’d probably have to cut it really close to the scalp. Most people don’t want to force their kid to get a buzz cut to make a point. Hair stylists aren’t magicians. You’re still going to have to detangle your kids hair before they can cut it.

Welcome to being a parent.

This happened to my DD as well, she is 9. The only thing that worked was a ton of spray on conditioner and gently detangling with my fingers.

The kids aren’t going anywhere so she was just doing quick showers and putting it back in a pony tail. Lesson learned.

Cut off the mat. It’s the bottom layer of hair right? It won’t even be noticeable.

Coco and Eve has been a godsend for me. Don’t cut it off! Agree that seems mean.

Sleeping with your hair in a braid makes a huge difference, so does a satin pillowcase.

My daughter had one and got a very cute short cut. Was not a big deal. She was 10.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haircut. At 12, she should be totally responsible for her own hair. Why should you have to solve her dilemma for her? A haircut is a natural consequence.

+1. Absolute ridiculous unless your child has special needs.

You guys are so harsh! I think the knot and the detangling process are a fine natural consequence. I'm sure no one is having fun. Especially because the olive oil was unwise. Conditioner is the answer.

Cutting off all the hair is just vindictive.

I’m the second PP. I also blame the parents for not noticing the kid wasn’t brushing her hair. She didn’t comb it out after each shower? Was she showering? Do you know?

Yes, I am a judgemental B.

She can continue taking care of her own hair, but have her use a detangling rinse every time. Also apply it after swimming even if she does wash hair.

Wide tooth comb

Try different conditioners until you find one that works best. It might be easier for her if you let her brush parts of it out herself. Always work the bottom 1/2 inch or so on up. Use both a brush and a comb.

This happened to me around the same age and it was a terrible experience. I spent hours brushing and combing it out. Fortunately, my Mom did not make me cut my hair.

OP, after I had my baby I think I went through a bit of PPD and I did not have the energy to deal with my fine and tangle-prone hair. It hurt to yank out the tangles, and while it was not out of control bad, I did have some small matting in a bit of my hair. It just took too much energy to deal with it. Then one day I was at Target and I saw The Wet Brush de-tangling brush. It is a stupid name bc you do not have to use it on wet hair. It's the best de-tangling brush out there. If the matting is not too bad, a couple passes with some conditioner/oil and the Wet Brush will take care of it. Go to Target, like now, or first thing tomorrow, and pick up a couple. Not only will they help with this project, they will help your daughter to maintain her hair bc it will not be as painful to brush and de-tangle.
It sounds so dumb but that brush helped to pull me out of a bad place by making a daily core that I dreaded so much easier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - flashback. I did this exact same thing about the exact same age - right down to the bun. Just got lazy, and then it snowballed. It took my mom and I days to get it all untangled. We tried everything - wet, dry, different combs, different sprays and conditioners. It took hours. What an unpleasant experience.

When it was finally done, mom took me right to the hairdressers, and I got a shortish hair cut "until you can prove you can take care of it."

A very memorable learning experience. I'm now a responsible adult with long hair that I brush every day

I know it's frustrating! But it'll all work out.

So you did all the work to get it untangles and THEN you cut it anyway? I want to cut it because I don't want to deal with the untangling part.

PP here. Hair was matted all the way up against my scalp - would have needed a buzz cut to cut it off! Once it was deranged, I got a longish bob. Previously hair was probably halfway down my back.

A lot of the knotting at this age is related to hormone chnages due to puberty.

It's not vindictive to talk with her and see if she'd like it cut. You could show her pictures of kids her age with different hairstyles.

It would be horrible to force her to cut it if she didn't want to. But she might feel like her hair is a lot to care for and be happy for it to be shorter, especially as it gets hotter. I have really thick wavy/frizzy hair and went to a pixie cut the summer between 8th and 9th grade and I loved it--never looked back! There are so many cool undercut styles now too.