My 4 year old boy is the same. Usually sunny ans delightful and then a whirlwind of physicality and emotion. Hang in there OP!

Anonymous wrote:So my four year old boy is otherwise very joyful, funny, spirited child. However, sometimes he will go into a rage... over what i would call nothing. For example, he had a water gun fight with my husband and when my husband moved away as my son was shooting the gun, he flew into a rage. Does he not know how illogical this is? Also, there are random (though rare) times he would throw something at dd, and show no remorse! How do I start practicing some discipline with him without time outs every ten seconds? We've read time outs are not helpful..but then..what is left? I don't want him to grow up a spoiled brat.. thank you for any suggestions!!

LOLOLOLOL!!!! This is pretty normal for a four year old, OP.

1-2-3 magic. He is reacting and not thinking about what he's doing. Give him a cue to stop what he's doing and think about good choices. Sounds normal for four.

Consequence doesn't have to be time out. It could be "we put the water guns away until you can use them appropriately" or "apologize to your sister" (when calm). But be calm yourself when doing this and don't react to screaming and hysteria. Also, wait until his little brain is back on before trying to "talk" or expecting him to be rational at all.

Anonymous wrote:Give him time. If he still has trouble adjusting to the unexpected next year, have him evaluated.

Not every kid has to be “evaluated”. Good lord... he’s 4 and this sounds like normal behavior, especially in abnormal times.

+1 on giving him something to *do* not just something to *not do*

When my kid got mad and acted out, we talked about how it was okay to feel mad and maybe it would be a better idea to go into your room and yell into a pillow, instead of yelling at a person. Give them a safe way to let the emotion out, so it doesn't land on someone else. Little kids have big feelings.

This is completely normal. You won’t see rational for another 3 years at least (or why 7 is known as the age of reason).

Give him the tools for how to react. When dad moves teach “daddy got away”! For my sore loser kid, we taught him to say “good game” instead of pouting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was he mad that your husband moved away? Could he explain? Did he just want to get his dad all wet and was upset his plan didn’t work? It doesn’t seem concerning to me, but one of my three boys is intense (NT).

Throwing things and no remorse seems totally normal at that age.

I have to disagree with your last statement, particularly because it was one of the red flags for a relative's diagnosis. OP's gut is telling her something is up, and she should follow up on that instinct.

Give me a break

You read timeouts don’t work but have you ever tried it? They work well for my kids.

My daughter went through a really difficult phase at 4. She had been a good baby and toddler and a relatively easygoing 2 and 3-year-old so it came out of nowhere. It was frustrating but we stayed the course with good discipline and as much patience as we could muster and the phase passed. She became a perfectly delightful 5 year old. Hopefully it's just a bad year.

Timeout works for some kids. Taking away stuff works for some kids.

4 sucks a lot.
It gets better when they are 5.
But boys are just wild animals I’ve found. Usually timeouts and separating him engages my 5 yo even further. Although it’s my opposite instinct, I sit next to him and rub his back and try to hug him when he’s raging. It passes faster this way and he eventually melts into me and I realize it’s the soft place to land that he needed the most.
Hang in there OP. Just imagine when he’s 24 and doesn’t need you anymore. That always helps my perspective.

DS is 5 and also has moments of sheer insanity. We do ‘cool downs’ that sometimes help. Basically, DS has to sit a few feet away from us until he can stop screaming and can say that he’s sorry. Depending on what he did, I also make him run big laps around the house as a combination of punishment and a way to get his crazy out.

Anonymous wrote:We aren't supposed to do time out? What is the "right" discipline technique when a 3-4 yr old does something naughty then? News to me...but I'd love some ideas.

we do time out and it works for us

sounds pretty normal. Ive been reading No Drama Discipline. It's the same philosophy as most parenting books, but once my DD hit 4 I needed a little daily reminder of patience.

Discipline is to teach, not punish. Emphasize the positive when he's not throwing things at DD - "I like how sweet you are being to your sister"! when they are just sitting there

I feel like Ive said "this is a hard age" at every age lol, but 4 is a new level

I only read a few responses, so this likely was hit upon, but he is only 4....my daughter is 4.5 and she has moments that are completely void of adult reason or compassion, and def more aggressive than I like. I try to remember she is young, and not only is her brain developing immensely but she also simply has not had the decades of experiences, learning, modelling and guidance that we have.

It is hard, especially when it seems so out of character and just downright crazy, but as a parent and adult, my view is that the most important thing for us to do is model patience, kindness and understanding - so that over time, he this modelling will be instilled in his being. Don't get me wrong, there are certainly situations where I put my foot down and am firm in how I respond to an action or "misbehavior". But, it is really important to think about why they may be acting in way we do not like; are they truly trying to be malicious and mean or is it that they themselves are struggling.

Your son was frustrated I am guessing, and compound that with his age, and the current Covid home stay situation, emotions are heightened. We do not do time outs, as I have read they are not a logical consequence.

I think someone else mentioned that the best consequence is one that makes sense to the sense and is "natural". You do a lot of hitting and yelling at a person, likely they won't continue wanting to play, so that is what happens. But before it gets to that point, for a child so a young a warning is usually warranted and if it continues instead of becoming enraged or "yelly" yourself, it may pay to be sympathatic and speak to your child or maybe he just wants to release pent up emotion and needs a good cry, or hug or moment....