Anonymous wrote:Honestly? The people I've known that lived to be 90+ dealt with it by being in denial about their impending deaths. Rather than being depressed by the likelihood of dying sooner rather than later, they just didn't think about it and spent their time enjoying what was right in front of them (a nice meal, a nap, a favorite TV program, a new book, etc.).

I have seen that denial so often--even from elderly parents and other relatives who were dying from a health condition--that I have come to assume that it's hardwired into humans.

From what you related, it sounds like they are not "trying not to think about it." there's no trying involved -- it isn't a struggle. they are just not thinking about it.

Much the same thing as anyone, of any age, who is faced with the possibility of dying soon. The cancer patient, the children who are diagnosed with a disease or condition that has a known short life span, the people who have a condition with no known treatment or cure. Imagine being in the hospital with Covid-19 in the ICU and on a ventillator. How would you feel?

Facing one's own mortality is difficult for anyone. Old age is only one condition that makes one face that.

What is soon, in terms of dying? Is having 20 more years that different than having 25? The real issue is the fear of death. Address that, you have all the time in world.

Honestly? The people I've known that lived to be 90+ dealt with it by being in denial about their impending deaths. Rather than being depressed by the likelihood of dying sooner rather than later, they just didn't think about it and spent their time enjoying what was right in front of them (a nice meal, a nap, a favorite TV program, a new book, etc.).

I have seen that denial so often--even from elderly parents and other relatives who were dying from a health condition--that I have come to assume that it's hardwired into humans.

Not to sound to philosophical, but...

the question or worry is not, how much time or how little time is left. It's about how you've spent the time that you had. If I'm feeling down or bothered, I can usually calm my mind by appreciating that if I died in X amount of time, would I die happy? Most of the time the answer is yes. I have a husband I have adored for 20 years, three kids that I love dearly, even though teenagers are tough to parent. My parents are alive, I am in a good place with my siblings.

If I cannot answer yes to dying happy, then there is something I need to take care of...soon. Sometimes that means resolving feeling with a person, changing jobs, for fulfilling some other task or discussion. Resolving the thing that I am avoiding. Life is too short for regrets, so I try hard to keep my mental and emotional health intact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? Do you have kids? I started to think about this when I had kids around age 40. I also always had a sense that you get one life to live even in my 20s and I accomplished some bucket list items very early on. Tomorrow is promised to no one. It's just that as you get older and have more life experiences and know more people you realize that yes that terrible thing can happen to you (death/disability/illness/death of a close person or friend etc).

I'm 40 and yes, I've already had kids. I guess I have a hard time imagining it because I've always been so future oriented, I can't imagine what it's like to be old and realize that I probably don't even have five years left. I mean how do you deal with that? Just try not to think about it, or are people that age generally at the point where they feel ready to die because they feel like their time for being here has passed?

You have several answers above. Did you perhaps miss them?

Some elderly people will be depressed or have other problems that make them ruminate as you do and how you imagine they all must. Many of them are too busy enjoying their lives to focus on death and being "ready to die."

My grandfather was a midwestern farmer who was out on his tractor until he was 95. He wasn't concerned about dying, other than making the plans we all should (wills, etc.). He was focused on getting the crops in, and having a good meal with those who visited, and -- I don't know -- doing his laundry and such.

Your inability to accept that elders are not having to fight unhappiness and depression is about you, not them.

Much the same thing as anyone, of any age, who is faced with the possibility of dying soon. The cancer patient, the children who are diagnosed with a disease or condition that has a known short life span, the people who have a condition with no known treatment or cure. Imagine being in the hospital with Covid-19 in the ICU and on a ventillator. How would you feel?

Facing one's own mortality is difficult for anyone. Old age is only one condition that makes one face that.

OP, you should listen to these 2 songs:

Borrowed Time -- John Lennon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WggUweuTFxg)

All Things Must Pass -- George Harrison (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPTHem2iu0A)

My 70-year-old MIL's parents lived to 100, so if you think you have 30+ years left to live, then you know exactly how she feels. DH is 50, so feels like he's just getting started, but is happily done with the BS of "proving oneself."

This is good advice, but really a lot of this stems out of sheer curiosity. Is this what most people do when they get old? I guess I'm just wondering what the "typical" way is for people to deal with this.

Deal with what, exactly? is it the knowledge that you will die at all, or the knowledge that you are more likely to die at 80 then 40? Again, it comes back to why you are not living in the present moment. You are more likely to die at 40 then you are at 20. Are you more worried now about dying then you were at 20? If so, why? Do you feel that you were only given so many hours on earth and you want someone to tell what is like to be at the end of those hours?

It's something that's difficult to know because no one wants to come out and tell and ask an older person, "Hey how does it feel to know you will die soon?" Unless someone volunteers the information, there's no way to find out.

You might find out more information if you researched how terminally ill people have addressed this issue since few of us, even those who are elderly, know how much time we have before we die.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? Do you have kids? I started to think about this when I had kids around age 40. I also always had a sense that you get one life to live even in my 20s and I accomplished some bucket list items very early on. Tomorrow is promised to no one. It's just that as you get older and have more life experiences and know more people you realize that yes that terrible thing can happen to you (death/disability/illness/death of a close person or friend etc).

I'm 40 and yes, I've already had kids. I guess I have a hard time imagining it because I've always been so future oriented, I can't imagine what it's like to be old and realize that I probably don't even have five years left. I mean how do you deal with that? Just try not to think about it, or are people that age generally at the point where they feel ready to die because they feel like their time for being here has passed?

I've got an 80 something mother who could live 5, 10, 15 or 20 years more. She could potentially outlive all of her kids. I hope that isn't the case but you never know what life will bring. My dad lived to be only 70, his mom was 97 when she died and she outlived her only son which was heartbreaking to her. Will I be like my dad or more like my grandma? Who the heck knows.

It's all such a crap shoot. Today matters but tomorrow will be here before you know it....and if you're still around, you'll be glad that you saved some of your pennies.

ddintysons wrote:

I'm 40 and yes, I've already had kids. I guess I have a hard time imagining it because I've always been so future oriented, I can't imagine what it's like to be old and realize that I probably don't even have five years left. I mean how do you deal with that? Just try not to think about it, or are people that age generally at the point where they feel ready to die because they feel like their time for being here has passed?

Do you know why you are concerned about how much time you have left? In your post, you worry about not having "five years left" and people feeling like "their time for being here has passed." Is there something you really wanted to do that you have not done? Then, do it now. Are you worried you will not live as long as someone else or others your age?
If so, why?

OP - live in the present moment, the moment happening right now, today. Enjoy it.

Worrying if you will get more tomorrows diminishes the pleasure that you can find today. Once you understand and accept that today is all we really have, then you can let go of yesterday and tomorrow and truly enjoy where you are and where you always will be.

This is good advice, but really a lot of this stems out of sheer curiosity. Is this what most people do when they get old? I guess I'm just wondering what the "typical" way is for people to deal with this. It's something that's difficult to know because no one wants to come out and tell and ask an older person, "Hey how does it feel to know you will die soon?" Unless someone volunteers the information, there's no way to find out.

I'm 40 and yes, I've already had kids. I guess I have a hard time imagining it because I've always been so future oriented, I can't imagine what it's like to be old and realize that I probably don't even have five years left. I mean how do you deal with that? Just try not to think about it, or are people that age generally at the point where they feel ready to die because they feel like their time for being here has passed?

Do you know why you are concerned about how much time you have left? In your post, you worry about not having "five years left" and people feeling like "their time for being here has passed." Is there something you really wanted to do that you have not done? Then, do it now. Are you worried you will not live as long as someone else or others your age?
If so, why?

OP - live in the present moment, the moment happening right now, today. Enjoy it.

Worrying if you will get more tomorrows diminishes the pleasure that you can find today. Once you understand and accept that today is all we really have, then you can let go of yesterday and tomorrow and truly enjoy where you are and where you always will be.

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? Do you have kids? I started to think about this when I had kids around age 40. I also always had a sense that you get one life to live even in my 20s and I accomplished some bucket list items very early on. Tomorrow is promised to no one. It's just that as you get older and have more life experiences and know more people you realize that yes that terrible thing can happen to you (death/disability/illness/death of a close person or friend etc).

I'm 40 and yes, I've already had kids. I guess I have a hard time imagining it because I've always been so future oriented, I can't imagine what it's like to be old and realize that I probably don't even have five years left. I mean how do you deal with that? Just try not to think about it, or are people that age generally at the point where they feel ready to die because they feel like their time for being here has passed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that you do have more than 30 years left? We’re all on borrowed time here. The same way you tell yourself that you won’t die in five years in your 30s/40s is the same mechanism that they’re using.

Yeah, but there's a difference between knowing you can die at anytime, and knowing with certainty that you don't have that much time left. Younger people just choose to assume that they will live for many more years.

Yes, but now that I'm not young anymore I wish I hadn't made that assumption. I wish I had learned to accept the impermanence of life at a much younger age.

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that you do have more than 30 years left? We’re all on borrowed time here. The same way you tell yourself that you won’t die in five years in your 30s/40s is the same mechanism that they’re using.

Yeah, but there's a difference between knowing you can die at anytime, and knowing with certainty that you don't have that much time left. Younger people just choose to assume that they will live for many more years.