I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time! It’s easy for some people and hard for others. My kids are 12 and 14. I have NO IDEA which of their friends were breastfed or bottlefed.

What I do know is - your baby wants a happy mom. And if breastfeeding is going to make you not a happy mom - DONT do it. Really. It’s okay.


Sending you good wishes tonight OP - raising kids is hard. There are so many choices to make for those little people. Bless you.

Op, hugs. I had a lot of trouble with my daughter too. But being able to breastfeed was extremely important to me, so I pumped to keep up my supply. I got an extra 150 oz in the freezer which I was able to donate to a milk bank. Then after 6 weeks it clicked for us. Now I exclusively breastfeed her. It was really worth it for us. But it was a lot of work and a lot of tears. So try to look at 1-2-3-4 months from now and what your goals are. Keep pumping if it works, or if it doesn’t, then stop and formula feed. Whatever you choose will be the right thing for you. Best of luck and expectant moms group on dcum is really helpful!

OP I’m with you ... three weeks in right now and it’s so hard (although this is not my first, every baby is really different). I’m dealing with serious nipple pain with every match. Worked with lactation consultant numerous times and now thinking it’s a stubborn thrush issue. I kind of just want to throw in the towel. Of course this virus has me feeling extra guilty and like I need to BF as long as possible to give baby extra immune boost.
Tough times for sure

Another "my only regret is not stopping sooner" poster here. Seriously, OP, it is FINE to stop. Or to stop pumping so much and supplement with formula, if that's what you want. I know it's really hard to believe that right now, but it's really fine.

When I burst into tears in the pediatrician's office the third time in a couple of months, her advice was "You don't need a reason to stop. If you want one: your mental health matters." I didn't fully hear it at the time because I was completely obsessed with upping my crappy supply, but looking back that seems so fundamentally true and too easily overlooked.

My one regret from my son’s first six months is not giving up on pumping/breastfeeding sooner. Nothing I tried helped (I tried everything) and I had to use formula to supplement. I wish I’d been kinder to myself and gone all formula from the get home. Sometimes, it doesn’t get easier, doesn’t work and it’s not our fault (or anything wrong with baby)...fed is best and a sane, less stressed mama is a better mama. Good luck. Be gentle and kind to yourself.

OP FED is BEST!

Zero reason to be stressed about formula.

I had a tough time too with #1 and gave it up at 6 weeks. I felt guilty and embarrassed, I was surrounded by all of these earth mothers who nursed until their kids were like 2. Years later I wish I hadn’t wasted a moment feeling that way! Like others have said “fed is best”!

Breastfeeding #2 was a lot easier.

I understand. It all seems so utterly overwhelmingly important to you right now. Somehow we blame ourselves. But this isn't your fault. And in the end, a fed baby is all that really matters. Yes, go ahead and pick a date to reevaluate if this is truly working for you. If it's not, move on. All will be just fine.

Breastfeeding didn’t work out for me. Switched to formula and settled into pleasant low stress comfort nursing routines.

You sound like me with my first. He never caught on and I ended up exclusively pumping for a year and we were all miserable. I wish I would have stopped and just used formula.

Breastfeeding shouldn't be miserable. Please do not feel ashamed for formula feeding your newborn.

I breastfed 3 kids and there is no doubt that for some of us it's a LONG, VERY HARD journey. Just do your best, OP, and know that for some of us, it's literally all we do for all those months/years. It is NOT easy, no matter what some people say or what their experience might have been. Miserable is a good way to describe my experience, especially the first one.

OP, if it is making you feel this way you can stop. You have nothing to regret or be sorry about.

I wish I had thrown in the towel earlier on both my kids. You got the baby colostrum, that is great....formula is just fine now. (Hugs)

I loathed pumping and six times a day would have had me setting the pump on fire and running away.

Feeding the baby matters. How it happens does not. When I look at my teen's friends I have no idea who was nursed until they were four or bottle fed from day one.

Do what works for you. At three weeks you are in the worst part of it. It should get better. But if it doesn't, you live in a age of excellent formula options, and your baby will thrive whether on breastmilk or formula. Set a date to reassess and feel no guilt if you choose formula. What's right for you is what's right for your baby.

OP, have you tried a nipple shield? My baby refused to latch without one for the first 3 months. But with it, breastfeeding was relatively easy and he ate like a champ. We weaned off the shield and I breastfed until he was just over 2.