Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 15:10     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
My in laws wanted to visit from FL as well. My husband thankfully said no as they would be staying in a hotel and visiting restaurants every day. We are still isolating ourselves. Luckily you and your husband agree. Don’t answer the door when they knock.
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 14:46     Subject: In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
Anonymous wrote:Good grief. Stay inside and let your husband and your kids visit with your ILs on the deck. The "risk" of them doing so is slim to none and you know it.

We all know the risk is OP appearing to not being in charge.
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 14:44     Subject: In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way

“We’re sorry to have to say no, but we don’t want to take that risk. We can’t do that porch meeting and you cannot enter our house during the pandemic. We miss you enormously, but we can’t do that. We’re so sorry.”

And when they have their foot-stamping fit, repeat you’re sorry a couple of times in a really sympathetic voice and then say you need to go and hang up.
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 14:40     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't get what you're struggling with here, OP. You literally hold all the cards. It's your house. Don't let people come over if you don't want to. If they pitch a hissy, that's on them. It's not your job to make sure they never react inappropriately to things, and their feelings aren't yours to manage.

They're trying to hand you a bag of poop. Don't take it.[/quote]

Seriously? They want to visit their own son and grandchildren - outside and from a distance. You sound completely unreasonable. Perhaps unhinged even.



Look, the issue is not whether OP is right or wrong, nor is that what OP asked. The decisionmakers in her house, which consist of OP and her DH, have made this decision. She's asking whether and how she can enforce it.

If they want to visit their grandchildren, they can do so when the parents of the children say it's safe. And come on, drinks on the veranda is not the same as staying 6 feet apart, wearing masks.
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 14:38     Subject: In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
At most, they should sit six feet apart outside only to visit. No coming inside, no hugs and kisses.

If they plan to quarantine for 14 days when they get home, they know what they are doing has risks. How would they feel if one of their grandkids became seriously ill? Or their son?
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 14:34     Subject: In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
Unless you have an underlying condition (if so you would have said so), then you sound like the daughter-in-law from Hell. No, your DH didn’t “agree”, the simp simply acquiesced. The bag of poop here is, well, you.

That said, given your hesitance, they can stay at a hotel then visit on the porch.

Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 14:33     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't get what you're struggling with here, OP. You literally hold all the cards. It's your house. Don't let people come over if you don't want to. If they pitch a hissy, that's on them. It's not your job to make sure they never react inappropriately to things, and their feelings aren't yours to manage.

They're trying to hand you a bag of poop. Don't take it.


This. Say it's not safe for them and you don't want to be responsible for them potentially catching COVID from you all. And that you will miss them so much this year.


Op's husband has a say in this. If he wants to visit with his parents OUTSIDE in his own yard he can do it. If the kids want to play outside and visit with their grandparents they should do so.

The only one who sounds terrified is Op. She can stay inside.



READ the post next time before responding. OP’s husband does NOT his parents to come. He agrees that it’s unsafe.


READ
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 14:30     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't get what you're struggling with here, OP. You literally hold all the cards. It's your house. Don't let people come over if you don't want to. If they pitch a hissy, that's on them. It's not your job to make sure they never react inappropriately to things, and their feelings aren't yours to manage.

They're trying to hand you a bag of poop. Don't take it.


This. Say it's not safe for them and you don't want to be responsible for them potentially catching COVID from you all. And that you will miss them so much this year.


Op's husband has a say in this. If he wants to visit with his parents OUTSIDE in his own yard he can do it. If the kids want to play outside and visit with their grandparents they should do so.

The only one who sounds terrified is Op. She can stay inside.


Again, I think everyone is entitled to his/her own level of comfort and what's safest for themselves and their families right now. My point of view, is that we are one unit as a family. if one of us gets COVID-19, we can all get it very easily. Thankfully, my husband agrees on this and also doesn't want them visiting right now. Problem is they don't stop pushing until they get their way.


Then they don’t visit. Wave at them through the window or be gone on a hike that day. They won’t break into your house. It’s a nuclear option but they have left you little choice.


Agree with the above.

As an aside, I am seriously thinking about having a very minimal powder room accessible to an outside porch, if I ever get a house built (or if I live in one easily modified). There could be access from inside the house, but I'd want to be able to lock from inside the house, if so.

I come from a culture of place and time where it ends up being common to insist you need to use the bathroom, even if people don't seem to want to invite you in. I would dearly love to have a discreet cooler and outside-accessible toilet on the porch for exactly times like this. If I wanted to socially distance or keep the house private, there would be no reason someone could insist to come inside.

I might never use it, but it would amuse me to have it.


There was a whole book written on this about a decade ago. It was called "The Help."



No, YOU think I want to have this for people who work for me, and you are incorrect. Assumptions say more about you than me.

This is for certain members of my family, and for Mrs. Kravitz.
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 14:27     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't get what you're struggling with here, OP. You literally hold all the cards. It's your house. Don't let people come over if you don't want to. If they pitch a hissy, that's on them. It's not your job to make sure they never react inappropriately to things, and their feelings aren't yours to manage.

They're trying to hand you a bag of poop. Don't take it.


This. Say it's not safe for them and you don't want to be responsible for them potentially catching COVID from you all. And that you will miss them so much this year.


Op's husband has a say in this. If he wants to visit with his parents OUTSIDE in his own yard he can do it. If the kids want to play outside and visit with their grandparents they should do so.

The only one who sounds terrified is Op. She can stay inside.


Again, I think everyone is entitled to his/her own level of comfort and what's safest for themselves and their families right now. My point of view, is that we are one unit as a family. if one of us gets COVID-19, we can all get it very easily. Thankfully, my husband agrees on this and also doesn't want them visiting right now. Problem is they don't stop pushing until they get their way.


Then they don’t visit. Wave at them through the window or be gone on a hike that day. They won’t break into your house. It’s a nuclear option but they have left you little choice.


Agree with the above.

As an aside, I am seriously thinking about having a very minimal powder room accessible to an outside porch, if I ever get a house built (or if I live in one easily modified). There could be access from inside the house, but I'd want to be able to lock from inside the house, if so.

I come from a culture of place and time where it ends up being common to insist you need to use the bathroom, even if people don't seem to want to invite you in. I would dearly love to have a discreet cooler and outside-accessible toilet on the porch for exactly times like this. If I wanted to socially distance or keep the house private, there would be no reason someone could insist to come inside.

I might never use it, but it would amuse me to have it.


There was a whole book written on this about a decade ago. It was called "The Help."

Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 13:54     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't get what you're struggling with here, OP. You literally hold all the cards. It's your house. Don't let people come over if you don't want to. If they pitch a hissy, that's on them. It's not your job to make sure they never react inappropriately to things, and their feelings aren't yours to manage.

They're trying to hand you a bag of poop. Don't take it.


This. Say it's not safe for them and you don't want to be responsible for them potentially catching COVID from you all. And that you will miss them so much this year.


Op's husband has a say in this. If he wants to visit with his parents OUTSIDE in his own yard he can do it. If the kids want to play outside and visit with their grandparents they should do so.

The only one who sounds terrified is Op. She can stay inside.


Again, I think everyone is entitled to his/her own level of comfort and what's safest for themselves and their families right now. My point of view, is that we are one unit as a family. if one of us gets COVID-19, we can all get it very easily. Thankfully, my husband agrees on this and also doesn't want them visiting right now. Problem is they don't stop pushing until they get their way.


Then they don’t visit. Wave at them through the window or be gone on a hike that day. They won’t break into your house. It’s a nuclear option but they have left you little choice.


Agree with the above.

As an aside, I am seriously thinking about having a very minimal powder room accessible to an outside porch, if I ever get a house built (or if I live in one easily modified). There could be access from inside the house, but I'd want to be able to lock from inside the house, if so.

I come from a culture of place and time where it ends up being common to insist you need to use the bathroom, even if people don't seem to want to invite you in. I would dearly love to have a discreet cooler and outside-accessible toilet on the porch for exactly times like this. If I wanted to socially distance or keep the house private, there would be no reason someone could insist to come inside.

I might never use it, but it would amuse me to have it.
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 13:25     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"Gina said: 'KNOCK IT OFF!!'"

Please tell me they are planning to do their two week quarantine when they get home.


Yes, they are planning on the quarantine when they get home. I think they are desperate for some normalcy (aren't we all), but I can't put my family at risk so they can chat and drink.


I'm the RI poster above and I would also say no. I love my parents and miss them terribly, as does my child, but we just need to gut through and follow the rules. I can't imagine the guilt if I made them sick and I can't imagine their guilt if they made their child or grandchild sick. The risk would be low, just I don't want to be that jerk.
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 13:25     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
It’s your home, OP. I think you are being silly. It’s fine for them to visit if you can all stay six feet apart. The deck makes it easy. Have them wear a mask if they need to go inside your home to use the restroom. At this point, we have stopped trying to completely isolate. We flattened the curve. That was the goal. We are wearing masks, avoiding crowds, and washing hands constantly. But we had two of our adult kids in our home yesterday. Small groups are ok. But again, your house, your rules.
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 13:20     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
Anonymous wrote:"Gina said: 'KNOCK IT OFF!!'"

Please tell me they are planning to do their two week quarantine when they get home.


Yes, they are planning on the quarantine when they get home. I think they are desperate for some normalcy (aren't we all), but I can't put my family at risk so they can chat and drink.
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 13:17     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't get what you're struggling with here, OP. You literally hold all the cards. It's your house. Don't let people come over if you don't want to. If they pitch a hissy, that's on them. It's not your job to make sure they never react inappropriately to things, and their feelings aren't yours to manage.

They're trying to hand you a bag of poop. Don't take it.


This. Say it's not safe for them and you don't want to be responsible for them potentially catching COVID from you all. And that you will miss them so much this year.


Op's husband has a say in this. If he wants to visit with his parents OUTSIDE in his own yard he can do it. If the kids want to play outside and visit with their grandparents they should do so.

The only one who sounds terrified is Op. She can stay inside.


Again, I think everyone is entitled to his/her own level of comfort and what's safest for themselves and their families right now. My point of view, is that we are one unit as a family. if one of us gets COVID-19, we can all get it very easily. Thankfully, my husband agrees on this and also doesn't want them visiting right now. Problem is they don't stop pushing until they get their way.


This sounds like more of an issue of you simply not wanting to see or deal with his parents. There is probably a history there that you aren't relaying. This is less about safety and more a matter of having a convenient excuse to not see your ILs.

If you gave a sh*t about these people you would find a way to visit with them safely especially since they are clearly welcome to do what they need to do to make a safe visit happen. Certainly, if they can see the clerk at the gas station, they can see their own son. But you do not want to see them. Maybe they are jerks, who knows?
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2020 13:14     Subject: Re:In-laws driving from FL to RI and INSIST on seeing us on their way
"Gina said: 'KNOCK IT OFF!!'"

Please tell me they are planning to do their two week quarantine when they get home.