OP I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Please don’t downplay your personal emotional trauma. Many people have killed themselves over situations like yours. Give yourself the grace you need and seek professional help if you can.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. A few years ago we would’ve been in a position to pay the full tuition. Now we barely make six figures. We blew our life savings on some bad investment s and poor planning. We thought we would ride the wave of success a lot longer. It’s humiliating.

Don’t be embarrassed. People take chances. Sometimes they pan out, sometimes they don’t. America is built by risk takers.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Just to clarify. We aren’t going to self flagellatie and say we did something stupid. We aren’t that stupid. But we will be straight for that things have taken a slight downturn and that while we hadn’t anticipated needing aid. We feel like we should apply for it at this juncture.

Yet you continue to be stupid by not telling your grown child the truth about circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. A few years ago we would’ve been in a position to pay the full tuition. Now we barely make six figures. We blew our life savings on some bad investment s and poor planning. We thought we would ride the wave of success a lot longer. It’s humiliating.

you know what will be really humiliating? when your kid finds out the truth the hard way and knows that they can no longer trust anything that comes out of your mouth, or anything they observe about their family.

Anonymous wrote:Oh good grief. There’s so much wrong with this scenario.

You are doing your child a major disservice.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It’s just that we used to be what most people would consider rich. Our kids think we are stable financially. It has all unraveled I’m the past two years and we were just trying to not let them feel unstable. But this has been a wake up call and you’re all correct with your advice. I will make sure with have a sit down with DC and be honest.

OP I grew up in a family like this. I found out when I went to college the money was gone. Please, Please sit down with your child and explain. Then you can work together on getting the FA.

Also, this is a great learning experience for your child. As an adult they need to make sure to have a career that they can live on. I'm not saying definitely high income producing, but they do need to understand how to make a living.

Budgeting, etc... all important for them to learn now.

Anonymous wrote:It’s an Ivy League school. They offer full tuition for incomes under 150k. We qualify based on that. The deadline to ally is may 31.

That is good news. And huge congratulations on the IVY. That is something to get excited about. It will work out OP. Don't keep beating yourself up. Things will turn around.

Anonymous wrote:I had financial aid in college and it wasn't because my parents did anything wrong. They saved as much as they could on a middle class income. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Same here. DCUM isn’t real life. Most people can not afford college without loans. I took out the maximum in loans in both undergrad and grad school. I paid them all off. Not a big deal.

OP again. A few years ago we would’ve been in a position to pay the full tuition. Now we barely make six figures. We blew our life savings on some bad investment s and poor planning. We thought we would ride the wave of success a lot longer. It’s humiliating.

It’s an Ivy League school. They offer full tuition for incomes under 150k. We qualify based on that. The deadline to ally is may 31.

I'm actually really surprised that the school might give you financial aid at this late juncture, but Covid 19 has caused a lot of people to have last-minute difficulty. You have to tell your child because the FA offices give out work-study jobs and student loans FIRST. Then, if there is still need, they might give a grant, depending upon how generous they are. Please don't let this decision bankrupt your family. Best wishes, OP.

Go to a school you can afford.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It’s just that we used to be what most people would consider rich. Our kids think we are stable financially. It has all unraveled I’m the past two years and we were just trying to not let them feel unstable. But this has been a wake up call and you’re all correct with your advice. I will make sure with have a sit down with DC and be honest.

Great!

Good for you that you are open to other perspectives.

Bear in mind, this can be a GREAT lesson for your child. It can help him in his adult financial planning.

Also, by showing you made mistakes, I think you increase the likelihood that he will feel comfortable admitting to you guys when he makes mistakes.
That is an important door to open when there is distance between you.

Lemons out of lemonade.

So explain that, exactly, to your son.

You are making contingency plans, which is a really good thing to model for him.

We don't think you are stupid...but your desire to hide this move suggests you feel guilty or defensive. Pivot.

OP again. Just to clarify. We aren’t going to self flagellatie and say we did something stupid. We aren’t that stupid. But we will be straight for that things have taken a slight downturn and that while we hadn’t anticipated needing aid. We feel like we should apply for it at this juncture.