Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 15:36     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Totally ok to be super pissed. Really pissed. But it's time for grace and moving on. Calmly tell him how you feel though for sure.

AND/OR Make him quarantine in a closed room with his two young kids for two weeks.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 15:30     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Of course the goal is some level of herd immunity -- assuming contracting the virus makes you immune. Social distancing is meant to slow the spread so our hospitals aren't overwhelmed.

That said, OP is being a bit over the top. Assuming your neighbors have been doing some level of social distancing and are not sick, the risk is low. Throw the kids in a long bath and tell your husband to shower and make up the guest bed.


No, herd immunity is not a reasonable goal.

It was the UK plan until they realized how catastrophic it would be. And many people didn't understand what their change in strategy meant and still think that herd immunity is a plan anywhere in the world. Sweden is talking out of both sides of their mouth, saying that herd immunity is not the plan while also saying that it is. It's not.


You’re wrong. Sorry. They’re not going to keep shelter in place until there’s a vaccine and that’s the only way eradicating could work.


You can't eradicate this with shelter in place. There are people who are still going to work! Unless you literally lock everyone in their houses for 2 weeks, there will still be spread.


Exactly. For every person you see working at the grocery store, there’s at least 30 or 40 other people working to get that food to you. There’s farmers, farm workers, food processing plant & warehouse workers, truck drivers, gas station attendants... The list goes on and on. There is literally no way for everyone to be at home for 21 straight days. No shopping at ANY stores AND no deliveries to your house. People that work in the medical field would literally have to live at the hospital. The hospital would have to sustain itself with everything they have on hand. No deliveries. People that work in institutions, like nursing homes, jails, rehabilitation centers, – they would all have to stay there 24/7 with no deliveries of any kind. For 21 days. That would be the only way to eradicate this. And that’s not going to happen.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 15:26     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's unimportant to "determine" if your anger is justified. You have to move on. You move on from here. Nothing good will come from you ruminating on this, which is what you're doing now and seem to want to continue doing.


This is why this area is filled with broken people who have no normal feelings left. No, you do not just "move on" from here. OP has to experience her emotions before she can "move on" in a healthy way. Otherwise she's just pretending she is over them, which is ridiculous.


I'm not the PP, but while I agree you don't just "move on", getting in a spiral of overthinking and endless rumination and still seeing red 24 hours later is not healthy.


Eh, this is a serious situation and her DH did something potentially life threatening. That's not the same as buying the wrong brand of peanut butter and still being mad 24 hours later.

Healthy people get over their anger and move on. They don't just stuff their feelings down and force themselves to move on. That's a big difference. The former is healthy, the latter is unhealthy.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 15:21     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I suspect you are angry in part because you feel that what your husband did undoes all of the work you have done maintaining social distancing. But that is not true. You kept you family away from people when the virus was reaching its peak, when hospitals were the most likely to be overwhelmed, when people had not been social distancing, when it was the most important to do so. After 6 weeks of people being socially distant, the risk to your family is lower now than it was. Your sacrifice was no in vain. You just need to remind your husband that we are not yet out of the woods and that he should avoid risks that are easily avoided, such as this one, if not for himself, if not for the kids, then simply because you are asking him to do so. And then do your best to let it go, because the anger is not going to help you.


Op here - I think the first sentence really is what I am feeling. Because I am 15 weeks pregnant, he has done all the grocery shopping, the picking up take out every once in a while, the getting gas while he is out getting groceries, the going to home depot because we need a lawn mower (which is true). Literally in 47 days I have left the house a total of 2 times for doctor appointments. It has been insane working from home, taking care of the kids, being home solo when he is out for groceries, taking care of his mother, and being home 24 hours a day. We play in the backyard and take walks / ride bikes but most of the time we are in the house. I feel like this one day undoes all of that hard work and sacrifice and it pisses me off.

He feels badly for it happening. He was just so happy to see our 5 year old, who has been so sad, getting to play and be a normal kid. I think that is why he did not think sooner about the repercussions. But I am still pissed off about it. I hope nothing bad comes from it, but it just feels so irresponsible to have done it and I can't let that go right now.


OP why aren't you going for walks outside? Every shelter in place order I read is encouraging people to get out and exercise.

I think you're being more of a martyr than you need to be.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 15:20     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Of course the goal is some level of herd immunity -- assuming contracting the virus makes you immune. Social distancing is meant to slow the spread so our hospitals aren't overwhelmed.

That said, OP is being a bit over the top. Assuming your neighbors have been doing some level of social distancing and are not sick, the risk is low. Throw the kids in a long bath and tell your husband to shower and make up the guest bed.


No, herd immunity is not a reasonable goal.

It was the UK plan until they realized how catastrophic it would be. And many people didn't understand what their change in strategy meant and still think that herd immunity is a plan anywhere in the world. Sweden is talking out of both sides of their mouth, saying that herd immunity is not the plan while also saying that it is. It's not.


You’re wrong. Sorry. They’re not going to keep shelter in place until there’s a vaccine and that’s the only way eradicating could work.


You can't eradicate this with shelter in place. There are people who are still going to work! Unless you literally lock everyone in their houses for 2 weeks, there will still be spread.

Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 15:19     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I suspect you are angry in part because you feel that what your husband did undoes all of the work you have done maintaining social distancing. But that is not true. You kept you family away from people when the virus was reaching its peak, when hospitals were the most likely to be overwhelmed, when people had not been social distancing, when it was the most important to do so. After 6 weeks of people being socially distant, the risk to your family is lower now than it was. Your sacrifice was no in vain. You just need to remind your husband that we are not yet out of the woods and that he should avoid risks that are easily avoided, such as this one, if not for himself, if not for the kids, then simply because you are asking him to do so. And then do your best to let it go, because the anger is not going to help you.


Op here - I think the first sentence really is what I am feeling. Because I am 15 weeks pregnant, he has done all the grocery shopping, the picking up take out every once in a while, the getting gas while he is out getting groceries, the going to home depot because we need a lawn mower (which is true). Literally in 47 days I have left the house a total of 2 times for doctor appointments. It has been insane working from home, taking care of the kids, being home solo when he is out for groceries, taking care of his mother, and being home 24 hours a day. We play in the backyard and take walks / ride bikes but most of the time we are in the house. I feel like this one day undoes all of that hard work and sacrifice and it pisses me off.

He feels badly for it happening. He was just so happy to see our 5 year old, who has been so sad, getting to play and be a normal kid. I think that is why he did not think sooner about the repercussions. But I am still pissed off about it. I hope nothing bad comes from it, but it just feels so irresponsible to have done it and I can't let that go right now.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 14:51     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
OP, I suspect you are angry in part because you feel that what your husband did undoes all of the work you have done maintaining social distancing. But that is not true. You kept you family away from people when the virus was reaching its peak, when hospitals were the most likely to be overwhelmed, when people had not been social distancing, when it was the most important to do so. After 6 weeks of people being socially distant, the risk to your family is lower now than it was. Your sacrifice was no in vain. You just need to remind your husband that we are not yet out of the woods and that he should avoid risks that are easily avoided, such as this one, if not for himself, if not for the kids, then simply because you are asking him to do so. And then do your best to let it go, because the anger is not going to help you.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 14:45     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's unimportant to "determine" if your anger is justified. You have to move on. You move on from here. Nothing good will come from you ruminating on this, which is what you're doing now and seem to want to continue doing.


This is why this area is filled with broken people who have no normal feelings left. No, you do not just "move on" from here. OP has to experience her emotions before she can "move on" in a healthy way. Otherwise she's just pretending she is over them, which is ridiculous.


I'm not the PP, but while I agree you don't just "move on", getting in a spiral of overthinking and endless rumination and still seeing red 24 hours later is not healthy.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 14:42     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Of course the goal is some level of herd immunity -- assuming contracting the virus makes you immune. Social distancing is meant to slow the spread so our hospitals aren't overwhelmed.

That said, OP is being a bit over the top. Assuming your neighbors have been doing some level of social distancing and are not sick, the risk is low. Throw the kids in a long bath and tell your husband to shower and make up the guest bed.


No, herd immunity is not a reasonable goal.

It was the UK plan until they realized how catastrophic it would be. And many people didn't understand what their change in strategy meant and still think that herd immunity is a plan anywhere in the world. Sweden is talking out of both sides of their mouth, saying that herd immunity is not the plan while also saying that it is. It's not.


You’re wrong. Sorry. They’re not going to keep shelter in place until there’s a vaccine and that’s the only way eradicating could work.


What do you mean, she's wrong? That was exactly the UK's stated plan until they realized how stupid it was.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 14:41     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:It's unimportant to "determine" if your anger is justified. You have to move on. You move on from here. Nothing good will come from you ruminating on this, which is what you're doing now and seem to want to continue doing.


This is why this area is filled with broken people who have no normal feelings left. No, you do not just "move on" from here. OP has to experience her emotions before she can "move on" in a healthy way. Otherwise she's just pretending she is over them, which is ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 14:23     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
OP, you are probably frustrated about a lot of things and this incident seems to be the straw that broke the camel's back. You want DH to think like you and he doesn't. But he is trying. Not to let him off the hook, but you clean up the kids, express your frustration to DH and move on. You still seeing red is only hurting you at this point.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 14:16     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Of course the goal is some level of herd immunity -- assuming contracting the virus makes you immune. Social distancing is meant to slow the spread so our hospitals aren't overwhelmed.

That said, OP is being a bit over the top. Assuming your neighbors have been doing some level of social distancing and are not sick, the risk is low. Throw the kids in a long bath and tell your husband to shower and make up the guest bed.


No, herd immunity is not a reasonable goal.

It was the UK plan until they realized how catastrophic it would be. And many people didn't understand what their change in strategy meant and still think that herd immunity is a plan anywhere in the world. Sweden is talking out of both sides of their mouth, saying that herd immunity is not the plan while also saying that it is. It's not.


You’re wrong. Sorry. They’re not going to keep shelter in place until there’s a vaccine and that’s the only way eradicating could work.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 14:02     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
It's unimportant to "determine" if your anger is justified. You have to move on. You move on from here. Nothing good will come from you ruminating on this, which is what you're doing now and seem to want to continue doing.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 14:00     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:I’d be pissed, regardless of what the actual risks/exposure were.

Your husband just didn’t want to be the bad guy to your kids or in front of friends. Guess what? Social distancing is hard and parenting is hard because someone has to be the bad guy all of the time. Your husband is fine with you being the bad guy but didn’t step up when it was his turn.


+1

The risks were probably pretty low. But he chose what was easy over your kids’ safety.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2020 13:59     Subject: Rank my anger - is it justified?
Anonymous wrote:Of course the goal is some level of herd immunity -- assuming contracting the virus makes you immune. Social distancing is meant to slow the spread so our hospitals aren't overwhelmed.

That said, OP is being a bit over the top. Assuming your neighbors have been doing some level of social distancing and are not sick, the risk is low. Throw the kids in a long bath and tell your husband to shower and make up the guest bed.


No, herd immunity is not a reasonable goal.

It was the UK plan until they realized how catastrophic it would be. And many people didn't understand what their change in strategy meant and still think that herd immunity is a plan anywhere in the world. Sweden is talking out of both sides of their mouth, saying that herd immunity is not the plan while also saying that it is. It's not.