Anonymous wrote:You need to pick your battles and this isn't one of them. No she doesn't parent the same way as you - you just have to deal with that.

Your child can handle a frowning face or tantrums being ignored. Those aren't going to damage her. You have no idea what face her daycare worker makes when she is misbehaving.

You aren't able to parent your child during work hours hours. Like everyone who needs childcare for work, you have to let other people parent their way - you can't micromanage their every interaction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mother can not watch your THREE YEAR OLD without disciplining her. Keep in mind that to discipline means to teach. It doesn't mean to punish.

It might be more effective if instead of you telling your mom "don't give her the silent treatment" to say "Can we please agree that when DD cries, you address the issue she's crying about but not the fact that she's crying?"

So that would look like "You were scared when you woke up because you forgot Mommy would be at work and I'd be here? That would scare me too if I were three."

+1 Pick your battles. The one PP highlights seems like a good one to focus on.
Keep in mind that your mom’s discipline methods (especially certain tones of voice and facial expressions) probably seem extra grating to you because you remember them from when you were a kid being disciplined. I know there are things my mom does with my kids that are maybe not quite the most modern methods but aren’t egregiously bad either but just watching them makes me feel like I’m a five year old getting in trouble again, so they get my hackles up.

If your mom’s methods are something you think is abusive, then you should not have her babysit (and also you should never let her see your child again). If they are not your preference but not abusive, then work on a few key areas and let the rest go (since it sounds like the alternative is losing your job).

Anonymous wrote:You need to record video of her frowny face and ignoring your daughter and show it to her. Explain that not only is this not developmentally appropriate for a 3 year old, but it's also rude to treat people like this at any age. Tell her she's using cruel, outdated methods.

Get her a book on parenting a toddler/preschooler: I don't have recommendations, but hopefully others will post something short and clear, that your mother can read quickly.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 3. My mom offered to babysit during the shutdown while I work from home. I am single. My mom is much more strict than I am, although I’m no pushover. My mom has what she thinks is a stern voice/face that she uses for discipline but really it’s an angry/disapproving/judgemental voice and face. I hate when she uses it on my daughter and have asked her not to. She also disciplines by ignoring my daughter and/or making a big show of how she’s ignoring her, including when my daughter is crying for a completely appropriate reason (like she woke up from nap and was startled to find me not home and so started crying). So I’ve asked my mom to just not discipline. I thought it was working ok but my mom told me tonight it’s not working for her and she wants me out of the house while she takes care of DD because she thinks it will be easier for her. DD does whine for me during the day, so I can see why my mom thinks that, but DD will cry and throw a tantrum when I leave in the morning, and I don’t trust my mom to handle it well. But I need the childcare. My mom promises she will do things “my way” with DD “even though you are ruining her for the rest of her life and you will have to reap what you sew.”

I know I have to make this decision but I guess I’m hoping something DCUM says in response will help me figure out what I want to do here. Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:You need to record video of her frowny face and ignoring your daughter and show it to her. Explain that not only is this not developmentally appropriate for a 3 year old, but it's also rude to treat people like this at any age. Tell her she's using cruel, outdated methods.

Get her a book on parenting a toddler/preschooler: I don't have recommendations, but hopefully others will post something short and clear, that your mother can read quickly.

Anonymous wrote:She's doing you a favor. You are in no position to be critical. Btw, I bet you knew her faults when you decided you needed her help.

Anonymous wrote:Your mother can not watch your THREE YEAR OLD without disciplining her. Keep in mind that to discipline means to teach. It doesn't mean to punish.

It might be more effective if instead of you telling your mom "don't give her the silent treatment" to say "Can we please agree that when DD cries, you address the issue she's crying about but not the fact that she's crying?"

So that would look like "You were scared when you woke up because you forgot Mommy would be at work and I'd be here? That would scare me too if I were three."

Anonymous wrote:Your mother can not watch your THREE YEAR OLD without disciplining her. Keep in mind that to discipline means to teach. It doesn't mean to punish.

It might be more effective if instead of you telling your mom "don't give her the silent treatment" to say "Can we please agree that when DD cries, you address the issue she's crying about but not the fact that she's crying?"

So that would look like "You were scared when you woke up because you forgot Mommy would be at work and I'd be here? That would scare me too if I were three."