Anonymous wrote:No need to attend. You can send some cash if you want.

LOL. Was this a suggested addition to the invite? It would fit right in.

No need to attend. You can send some cash if you want.

She needs better pretense. Suggest a "virtual shower" that way, there's a "date" to mail gifts in by, without saying "send me gifts and send them now." Although it's harder to get out of a virtual shower during a pandemic, because really, what else were you doing ("oh no, my internet is out!" "my computer kept crashing!") Nobody WANTS to go to the virtual shower, but the custom of a shower and sending a gift is still understood.

At the same time, people who were going to shell out a big ticket item for her were going to do it regardless of whether she has a shower and an invite. Things she's missing out on are receiving blankets and baby baths.

Anonymous wrote:She’s stressed and confused and emotional.

Help her, OP. Rather than post and judge, HELP. It’s terrible, yes, but she’s asking for advice.

This. Call her and take her emotional temperature. Not about the shower specifically, ask how she is.

1) suggest a Zoom shower
2) suggest reminding people of her due date in lieu of a deadline
3) offer to send this for her. A woman who is considering hosting her own shower is one who didn’t have a friend step up. Which is sad really.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You say there are better ways to do this... well, start by suggesting one!

I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Any suggestions about what to say?

That depends... First tell us what you think are the better ways to do this.

Anonymous wrote:Ummm, this is awful and in such poor taste. She must know this and if not you must tell her she cannot do this! If you’re relying on gifts to have what you need then you’re not ready to be a parent. Get what you need@
- and anything else you get is gravy.

Since when do people buy only "nice to haves" for baby showers? Is this a rich person thing?

What happened to baby registries where people put in all kinds of stuff from diaper genies to bouncy chairs or whatever? Are those things considered "gravy"? Those were must haves, IMO.

She’s stressed and confused and emotional.

Help her, OP. Rather than post and judge, HELP. It’s terrible, yes, but she’s asking for advice.

Anonymous wrote:
You say there are better ways to do this... well, start by suggesting one!

+1

Anonymous wrote:I've seen people say "can't do an in person shower, so here's a link to our registry!" on Facebook, but not with a deadline! That puts it over the edge from normal tacky (because all baby showers are gift grabs) to over the top tacky.

I really think putting a registry out there without an in person party is over the line. You can’t have a shower right now so you just...can’t have a shower. Okay to make a registry and give it to friends/family who ask for it but imo not okay to send it out.

A zoom shower is a nice idea but tbh I think it should be smaller and make people who want to ask for the registry. Otherwise, no gifts.

It's super tacky, but if she's a nice person otherwise in life, people will not stop liking her based on this one super tacky action.

A family friend did something similarly tacky. I briefly harrumphed under my breath to myself at home, but it didn't change my long-held opinion of her as a sweet, generous, and hospotable person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I'm obviously "tacky" too because I don't see this as a big deal. If the friend is doing this in lieu of a baby shower where you would be buying stuff for the baby anyhow, how is this any different? I'm assuming they are also social distancing so they can't have people together for a baby shower, so this is the next best thing, right? Or are you saying the gift card is tacky?

The person sending the email is the pregnant lady. It would be like hosting your own shower.

I thought Op stated that it wasn't clear.

I've seen people say "can't do an in person shower, so here's a link to our registry!" on Facebook, but not with a deadline! That puts it over the edge from normal tacky (because all baby showers are gift grabs) to over the top tacky.

Ummm, this is awful and in such poor taste. She must know this and if not you must tell her she cannot do this! If you’re relying on gifts to have what you need then you’re not ready to be a parent. Get what you need@
- and anything else you get is gravy.

Is it a money thing? Maybe she’s worried she can’t afford everything she needs and she’s counting on gifts to fill in?