Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity (and possibly to open up a huge can of worms... )

SAHP's...lay out what you do around the house right now and what your other working half does.

OP here...the "right now" is the most important part of this question...sorry that might not have been clear. Has the addition of home-schooling changed your day-to-day with your partner? Over a month in and I'm wondering if other families have started experiencing a new normal with the day in/day out. Or is just business as usual?

No. My kids are in elementary school. We had an e/o week cleaner who we are not having come right now. So I'm a lot busier because I'm supervising/helping with school for the kids and also cleaning the house entirely myself. Division of labor has remained the same except DH might help a little more with dinner prep than when he was going into the office. Otherwise he's working as many hours as he ever did. So I lost a lot of my leisure time, but I'm mostly okay with that because I had a LOT of leisure time before.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is still working out of the home (critical care doc). We have been keeping things the same. Like previous posters, I typically had just the younger kids at home, older kids in school, and a twice a week housekeeper. But, really, with the older kids home, I don't actually do much more cleaning than I did before. The laundry may kill me though. I have five kids and about 15-20 loads of laundry every week. The kids keep getting dirty, changing clothes, getting bathmats dirty, wanting to change sheets more often (?), etc.

You should be doing a lot with the kids and your FIVE kids should be helping with laundry and other stuff. Wealthy people problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity (and possibly to open up a huge can of worms... )

SAHP's...lay out what you do around the house right now and what your other working half does.

If you're the SAHP, then your job is to do everything around house! If I'm working and bringing home the money, I don't do house or yard work or childcare!

Ok.. thanks for sharing. How sad you don't spend any time with your kids.

My husband is still working out of the home (critical care doc). We have been keeping things the same. Like previous posters, I typically had just the younger kids at home, older kids in school, and a twice a week housekeeper. But, really, with the older kids home, I don't actually do much more cleaning than I did before. The laundry may kill me though. I have five kids and about 15-20 loads of laundry every week. The kids keep getting dirty, changing clothes, getting bathmats dirty, wanting to change sheets more often (?), etc.

I don’t believe that the responses here are representative of SAHP during the pandemic or even WOHP. In all but a couple of the families I know, the default parent disproportionately does house stuff and child stuff, including the homeschooling. In almost every case, the default parent is also taking on almost all the extra burden of having the kids at home and no household help.

We both WOTH, but DH works long hours (at least 20 more than I do typically, and now 30 hrs since we don’t have to commute). I do 95% of anything that is about the kids/house/finances. During this pandemic he is chipping in more hours, but so am I, so I don’t think the 95/5 proportion has changed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity (and possibly to open up a huge can of worms... )

SAHP's...lay out what you do around the house right now and what your other working half does.

OP here...the "right now" is the most important part of this question...sorry that might not have been clear. Has the addition of home-schooling changed your day-to-day with your partner? Over a month in and I'm wondering if other families have started experiencing a new normal with the day in/day out. Or is just business as usual?

Yes we have a new normal. DH is law firm partner, I SAH. I typically do 90% of housework (including bills, yard work, trash, repairs, etc that often men do) but I outsource what I can (yard people, housekeeper, etc) and I’m certainly in charge of managing the kids time / schoolwork, though he’s equally involved with the kids when he’s home. Now in the pandemic our housekeeper is not coming and the kids are home all day. So DH is doing a lot more childcare and cleaning during the day (like, he’ll do a call while holding the baby and I prep lunch, or clean up lunch while I put a kid down for a nap, etc).

We tried to keep things as they were for the first week or two but it was clearly unsustainable - I was overwhelmed and doing a crappy job supervising homeschooling for my oldest, the baby was crying a lot, etc. He stepped up and I’m appreciative. When there’s more work to go around we both have to share the load.

My ADHD husband’s current home responsibilities are on par with what I would expect of a teenager who lives at home, but he is 41. He is responsible for litter box, taking out trash and recycling. He is also responsible for his own clothes, but he never finishes his laundry and just leaves it in various piles everywhere. I have to nag him to throw his trash in a trashcan or put away food he gets out, etc. He will help me load the dishes about once per week. I ask him to help me hang shelves, assemble furniture, etc. but I will have to nag for months so usually I just do these things myself if it doesn’t require heavy lifting. He was also supposed to take a car to get body work done because he scraped it, and he finally did it 6 months later. I do everything else at home including all meals and grocery shopping, bills, organization, child appointments, activities, etc. We have an apartment, so no yard work or home maintenance. He does watch the kids some at home, but if he puts them to bed he will skip brushing teeth or bathing them and just let them watch videos.

Anonymous wrote:SAHM of 3. DH does more housework than I do. We live in a 10,000sf house and we have a PT housekeeper. DH does dishes most nights, vacuums, takes out the trash, tidies up the toys. Stray toys don’t bother me the way it does for him. He also can’t stand clutter. I often get annoyed at him for moving school forms or invitations. He will clean them up and not know what papers I am referring to.

Sorry ... 𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙦𝙪𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙩 ?!

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity (and possibly to open up a huge can of worms... )

SAHP's...lay out what you do around the house right now and what your other working half does.

OP here...the "right now" is the most important part of this question...sorry that might not have been clear. Has the addition of home-schooling changed your day-to-day with your partner? Over a month in and I'm wondering if other families have started experiencing a new normal with the day in/day out. Or is just business as usual?

Dh and I dont go tit for tat or keep score. Yea, dh does stuff like the lawn, washes the car, kills the random spider, but that doesn't mean he doesnt chip in and take put the trash or clean the bathroom. Vice versa too .

Whenever one of us sees something that needs to get cleaned or done we just sorta do it if the chance is there ("oh, the trash is full, I'll take it out since I'm heading out for a walk with the kids anyway").

It evens out in the long run.

19 yrs married, 4 kids.

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity (and possibly to open up a huge can of worms... )

SAHP's...lay out what you do around the house right now and what your other working half does.

If you're the SAHP, then your job is to do everything around house! If I'm working and bringing home the money, I don't do house or yard work or childcare!

When our kids were still at home, he was very active in caring for them and very involved in their school and activities whenever possible. Now that we have no kids at home, he takes care of the yard, takes care of our cars, handles all the home maintenance, takes the trash and recycling out, does the dishes most nights, ....and generally just helps out as needed. He is working from home right now and it’s been so great having him home all day!

My husband pays all bills and manages investments, collects mail, etc.
He also does most yard work (but I weed the mulch beds.)
He sometimes helps with cooking and dishes but I do all of the meal planning and most of the cooking and cleanup.
He sometimes walks the dog and he puts the trash cans on the curb.
He does most home maintenance such as change the furnace air filters, replace toilet flappers, change light bulbs, fix leaky faucets, etc.

But mostly he works a lot, and it’s fine because he makes a very comfortable salary.

Right now? During the quarantine, I do all the cleaning, laundry, and most of the grocery shopping. DH occasionally takes a turn if he feels like he needs to get out of the house.

We have 3 kids who are in school. I do most of the supervision for remote leaning but he is in charge of our older son's math lessons.

He does all of the cooking and yard work. And of course is still working.

All the yard work (we don't have a service) and gardening
He's our resident IT guy
Puts away all the clean laundry all the time
Family popcorn maker
Handy so currently preparing walls to paint kid's room/we plan to do two rooms during the virus but other home improvement projects
Does all the bills/taxes/finances/retirement planning (this is his actual job so he's much faster/better than I am)
Manages the car maintenance
Has a few dishes he will make that that are big projects
Alcohol procurer
Will sporadically clean kitchen
We split the trash duties