Anonymous wrote:I think it's beyond cowardly for people to end a friendship without saying why. It's sooooo shady.

No. Can you imagine telling someone the reasons you don't want to be friends with them? How painful would that be for the other person? It would be a lost friendship plus hearing how deeply faulted you are that your friend no longer wants to be in your life. Why inflict that on someone? Most people would not benefit from hearing that.

Anonymous wrote:Not a family relationship, but --

I had a very close friend for years.
She began dating a new guy and basically fell off the face of the e arth. Felt I was constantly pinning her down to hang out, and I never ever met the new boyfriend.
Finally, FINALLY, we did a couples dinner - my DH, me, her, a nd her boyfriend.
I thought it was fun!

Since then, we've not hung out with them. I have legitimately no idea what went wrong. I am hurt and heartbroken. I tried to ask her about it when I saw her at a large group dinner and she literally - no joke -- ran away. She said, "I need to run; I have to go home and do laundry!" and bolted from me! It was beyond bizarre.

The weirdest part is I also know her in a professional setting and she continually reaches out to me with work news, offers to collaborate on things, but it's always super professionally worded?!?!

It's SO STRANGE. Has this happened to anyone else and why does it happen and what do I do??

Wait...you are gathering in large groups? Do you want to get covid 19?

I had a friend that started dating a really controlling partner and they vanished. When the relationship eventually broke up the friend returned.

Having endured the betrayal of a false friend myself, I can say it is unbelievably painful. Our society never gives the friend-loss the space it deserves. Of course you move on (what’s the alternative?) but the hurt and loss last for a long time.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's beyond cowardly for people to end a friendship without saying why. It's sooooo shady.

NP. I agree. I have been ghosted here and there. Then I realized I ghosted someone. She was mean and rude and insulted my sister and the parting was long overdue. But I did not even bother to tell her why, so I try not to judge others when they do the same.

The best you can do is grieve and move on and live an amazing life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has posted this story at least once before.

Yes, I recognize it too but that reflects how painful these situations are. They can literally haunt you.

Unfortunately, all you can do is work through the feelings that come up around the loss of this friendship and make peace with the unknowns, and move forward. I’m sorry, OP. If her disappearance was in sync with the beginning of her new relationship, it is likely connected in some way.

I recognize this too. This exact story has been a thread before, and OP wanted to know whether to keep working with the ex-friend and people said no.

Why is OP back with same story?

Maybe because she is still really hurting.

I had a friend who I was very close with from high school to about age 25. She got married and invited my husband and I to her house for dinner. I thought it went fine. After that I did not hear from her anymore. I reached out, went to visit her when she had her first baby, but that was the last visit. She did not reach out at all. That was 40 years ago. She did make a nice comment on my mother's obituary guest book online ten years ago.

I believe the reason was her husband did not like us, or more specifically, he did not like my husband. Her husband was white collar and mine was blue collar. That's the only thing I can think of because nothing negative happened to explain it otherwise. My husband did not behave badly at dinner but looking back on it they were definitely very different types of guys.

Honestly, it did hurt my feelings and I have thought of it occasionally over the years. We live a few miles from each other and I would have preferred to continue the friendship with her even without couple activities. But...I have to say that my life has overall been fine without her.

You have to mostly let stuff like that go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's beyond cowardly for people to end a friendship without saying why. It's sooooo shady.

Sometimes you just can’t waste any more emotional energy on a person.

Ehh and sometimes you just grow apart. It's weird as hell to have a conversation about why you're ending a friendship. I do think boyfriend/girlfriend relationships should have a discussion though.

This. People who insist on having a conflict rather than just fading have issues. I just experienced some one insisting on knowing what had bothered me. The truth was, she didn’t want to hear it and it would have been better left unsaid. Now it will be awkward . . . Fading is the better way to handle things if there will be no logical resolution from a conversation.

I agree. Fade Away.

My friend married a guy who is a creepy, passive-aggressive jerk. I tried to remain cordial but it was wearing on me. She soon had children with him and he made it even more difficult as they got older, as I could not confront his overt hostility in front of them. My friend was a Pollyanna, refused to recognize what he was doing and just wanted everyone to get along. There was no way. Bottom line is this was her husband and father of her kids. I exited without fanfare and haven't spoken to her in many years.

It's weird as hell to have a conversation about why you're ending a friendship. I do think boyfriend/girlfriend relationships should have a discussion though.


This. People who insist on having a conflict rather than just fading have issues. I just experienced some one insisting on knowing what had bothered me. The truth was, she didn’t want to hear it and it would have been better left unsaid. Now it will be awkward . . . Fading is the better way to handle things if there will be no logical resolution from a conversation.

It depends. I had a person I no longer wanted to be friends with ask me that. I was candid - the reason was that our lives had moved in different directions and I just didn't feel we had much to talk about any more. Our common interest had been cycling, but I stopped due to a serious knee injury. When we got together, it felt like a forced effort to search for conversation topics rather than a natural rapport. She was still a nice person, but that's not all that friendships are based on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's beyond cowardly for people to end a friendship without saying why. It's sooooo shady.

Sometimes you just can’t waste any more emotional energy on a person.

Ehh and sometimes you just grow apart. It's weird as hell to have a conversation about why you're ending a friendship. I do think boyfriend/girlfriend relationships should have a discussion though.

This. People who insist on having a conflict rather than just fading have issues. I just experienced some one insisting on knowing what had bothered me. The truth was, she didn’t want to hear it and it would have been better left unsaid. Now it will be awkward . . . Fading is the better way to handle things if there will be no logical resolution from a conversation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has posted this story at least once before.

Yes, I recognize it too but that reflects how painful these situations are. They can literally haunt you.

Unfortunately, all you can do is work through the feelings that come up around the loss of this friendship and make peace with the unknowns, and move forward. I’m sorry, OP. If her disappearance was in sync with the beginning of her new relationship, it is likely connected in some way.

I recognize this too. This exact story has been a thread before, and OP wanted to know whether to keep working with the ex-friend and people said no.

Why is OP back with same story?

Because OP did not like the answers she got last time - hoping this time people will say yes. It's a hurtful situation but OP needs to just leave it alone.

I have an ex-friend who always tells people I ended our 15-year friendship for no reason and she "doesn't know what she did". It's not true - in the days before I deleted her number and blocked her on social media, we had it out via phone and text (she lives in another state). I told her everything she did that hurt our friendship. Her response was to basically gaslight me and tell me that I was either overreacting or the things I said happened didn't happen at all. I said, in this case we cannot move forward and I don't want to continue this friendship.

To this day a decade later, she insists to mutual friends that this conversation didn't happen and I ghosted her.

I did this when I was in college. I felt strongly that my roommate and best friend should know exactly why. I moved out over xmas break and told her to find a new roommate. She moved her boyfriend in to our apartment and gave her shady cousin a key too and I'd come home to find him watch my TV. She was blindsided. I was so angry I had no idea how to deal with it. I just left.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has posted this story at least once before.

Yes, I recognize it too but that reflects how painful these situations are. They can literally haunt you.

Unfortunately, all you can do is work through the feelings that come up around the loss of this friendship and make peace with the unknowns, and move forward. I’m sorry, OP. If her disappearance was in sync with the beginning of her new relationship, it is likely connected in some way.

I recognize this too. This exact story has been a thread before, and OP wanted to know whether to keep working with the ex-friend and people said no.

Why is OP back with same story?

You have to let some friendships go. Yes its personal, but you have to let them go.

Anonymous wrote:OP has posted this story at least once before.

Yes, I recognize it too but that reflects how painful these situations are. They can literally haunt you.

Unfortunately, all you can do is work through the feelings that come up around the loss of this friendship and make peace with the unknowns, and move forward. I’m sorry, OP. If her disappearance was in sync with the beginning of her new relationship, it is likely connected in some way.