Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 12:21     Subject: Going to your reach school and fitting in
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This was me in the late 90s. One of the smart kids at school, got into my reach university. Became one of the not as smart kids there. Looking back, it’s clear now that I have undiagnosed attention deficit (inattentive) and if I knew that and had been coached all along it may have been better. Also, if my parents knew I was struggling (they never asked to see my grades and assumed I was doing fine) maybe they could have helped, but I was embarrassed to tell them. I graduated above a 3.0, got a good job after college, and turned out fine. But my self esteem did take a big hit.


You are the type of student top universities have stopped letting in. What they have found is if they can find a student with your stats but is an athlete, artist, dancer, etc they don't solely rely on school/GPA for their self esteem so being a 3.0 student among a bunch of 3.8 students does not hurt the self esteem.

This is why having a holistic model is so important now.


I’m that pp—I can absolutely see this to be true. And I’m glad they’re doing it!
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 12:14     Subject: Re:Going to your reach school and fitting in
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My son fits that description. He is an athlete.

He fits in wonderfully. He does have a lower GPA than most his friends but he is also well liked by all... especially the professors.

There is a reason your student got in, somebody has to be in the bottom of the class. Why did she get in... sports, arts, philanthropy?

The fact is that schools found that if they admit 100% top of the class students with no other skills to float their ego the kids that ended up in the lower 50% we forever scared. No joke, there was a study and it was just too much for some kids to go from top student to "average" among their peer.

Our kids are hard workers, get along and have great grades. Who cares if they are in the lower 50% of the class. Mine doesn't care.


Well, at least Willy Loman would definitely approve of him.


Sorry your kid failed on the interview .. does it really still sting.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 10:12     Subject: Going to your reach school and fitting in
My DD is dyslexic, and deliberately avoided schools where she would be at the bottom of the range. Despite being very smart, earning mostly As, and being a talented artist, she always felt “less than” at her very competitive high school. At a school that was a straight-up match for her, she works way harder than her peers to succeed. (The reading load in college for her is enormous.). I’m not sure she would have made it at a school where the rigor was any greater.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 09:29     Subject: Going to your reach school and fitting in
At every college, some kids will struggle with classwork. How do you think your kid would respond? Would the competition be motivating or lower self-esteem? Is your child comfortable asking for help? Will they go to office hours? I think it’s really hard to tell who will succeed and I don’t think it’s the SAT scores that make the difference. If Admissions feels she belongs and she is ready for the challenge, I’d let her go.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 09:07     Subject: Going to your reach school and fitting in
Many people will have good advice and it won't all be the same.

My DD is switching out of a very hard and selective STEM. The subject wasn't coming easy to her, and being maybe average among her classmates made her own personal weaknesses harder to get past. (And she is a hard worker).

Some kids thrive in those situations, but others don't. College is filled with surprises, too. If I were your kid, I would think hard about her personal characteristics and if this would make her happy. And also whether this major had a GPA requirement for admission.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 09:06     Subject: Going to your reach school and fitting in
My child chose one of the lower ranked schools she got into. I think it was due to better perceived fit. I worried a little, but supported her decision.

In high school she was plenty smart but did not feel quite smart enough, because of the atmosphere in this area (competitiveness, elitism, etc)

We are now two years into it, and she is THRIVING. She works hard but is getting very good grades in a hard major. Her professors in the SLAC acknowledge her efforts. She has won important national awards.

I can't say what would have happened to her in an elite setting, but have seen her thrive in a second tier one and think it is part because she was not outgunned in a way that caused her to doubt herself and her abilities.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 09:06     Subject: Going to your reach school and fitting in
OP, remember the admissions officers would not have let her in if they did not think she would thrive there. They are the experts on this topic, and no one else. especially not the posts here (as evidenced above).

Have her dive in with confidence and ambition! And congratulations.

Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 09:06     Subject: Re:Going to your reach school and fitting in
Anonymous wrote:My son fits that description. He is an athlete.

He fits in wonderfully. He does have a lower GPA than most his friends but he is also well liked by all... especially the professors.

There is a reason your student got in, somebody has to be in the bottom of the class. Why did she get in... sports, arts, philanthropy?

The fact is that schools found that if they admit 100% top of the class students with no other skills to float their ego the kids that ended up in the lower 50% we forever scared. No joke, there was a study and it was just too much for some kids to go from top student to "average" among their peer.

Our kids are hard workers, get along and have great grades. Who cares if they are in the lower 50% of the class. Mine doesn't care.


Well, at least Willy Loman would definitely approve of him.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 09:00     Subject: Going to your reach school and fitting in
Anonymous wrote:This was me in the late 90s. One of the smart kids at school, got into my reach university. Became one of the not as smart kids there. Looking back, it’s clear now that I have undiagnosed attention deficit (inattentive) and if I knew that and had been coached all along it may have been better. Also, if my parents knew I was struggling (they never asked to see my grades and assumed I was doing fine) maybe they could have helped, but I was embarrassed to tell them. I graduated above a 3.0, got a good job after college, and turned out fine. But my self esteem did take a big hit.


You are the type of student top universities have stopped letting in. What they have found is if they can find a student with your stats but is an athlete, artist, dancer, etc they don't solely rely on school/GPA for their self esteem so being a 3.0 student among a bunch of 3.8 students does not hurt the self esteem.

This is why having a holistic model is so important now.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 08:51     Subject: Going to your reach school and fitting in
This was me in the late 90s. One of the smart kids at school, got into my reach university. Became one of the not as smart kids there. Looking back, it’s clear now that I have undiagnosed attention deficit (inattentive) and if I knew that and had been coached all along it may have been better. Also, if my parents knew I was struggling (they never asked to see my grades and assumed I was doing fine) maybe they could have helped, but I was embarrassed to tell them. I graduated above a 3.0, got a good job after college, and turned out fine. But my self esteem did take a big hit.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 08:42     Subject: Going to your reach school and fitting in
Won’t APs be common in that set of accepted students?
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 08:29     Subject: Re:Going to your reach school and fitting in
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My son fits that description. He is an athlete.

He fits in wonderfully. He does have a lower GPA than most his friends but he is also well liked by all... especially the professors.

There is a reason your student got in, somebody has to be in the bottom of the class. Why did she get in... sports, arts, philanthropy?

The fact is that schools found that if they admit 100% top of the class students with no other skills to float their ego the kids that ended up in the lower 50% we forever scared. No joke, there was a study and it was just too much for some kids to go from top student to "average" among their peer.

Our kids are hard workers, get along and have great grades. Who cares if they are in the lower 50% of the class. Mine doesn't care.


Huh?


You sound dense if you are unaware of this.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 08:25     Subject: Re:Going to your reach school and fitting in
Anonymous wrote:^^^ oh and he is white... i'm sure you will all assume he is black.

Yep.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 08:09     Subject: Re:Going to your reach school and fitting in
Anonymous wrote:My son fits that description. He is an athlete.

He fits in wonderfully. He does have a lower GPA than most his friends but he is also well liked by all... especially the professors.

There is a reason your student got in, somebody has to be in the bottom of the class. Why did she get in... sports, arts, philanthropy?

The fact is that schools found that if they admit 100% top of the class students with no other skills to float their ego the kids that ended up in the lower 50% we forever scared. No joke, there was a study and it was just too much for some kids to go from top student to "average" among their peer.

Our kids are hard workers, get along and have great grades. Who cares if they are in the lower 50% of the class. Mine doesn't care.


Huh?
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2020 08:05     Subject: Going to your reach school and fitting in
This is all individual based. I have 2 kids. My DS thrives in atmospheres where he's around incredibly driven and academic type kids. My DD is very talented, but doesn't like to feel stupid. College is very humbling to most people. Many of these kids have been among the top of their class their entire lives. Then, all the sudden, they're average. You should coach your kid that this is normal. What will make them successful is their own drive and determination. Be yourself and don't be afraid to ask questions, feel stupid, or feel lost. It happens to the best of us!