Anonymous
04/16/2020 15:53
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Anonymous wrote:After 17 years, MIL refuses to accept that I'm DH's wife. She has flatly told him to divorce me, almost weekly encourages him to reach out to his HS gf, and generally is a complete MIL from #3!!. MIL still calls HS GF randomly and HS GF is still single and due to a lot of manipulation by MIL, is apparently waiting for DH to divorce me.
Today, I received this email from her to my account (not DH's):
----
Dear DH:
How are you? I hope you are well. I am writing to let you know that your second cousin's husband just died of COVID-29. Please call me today.
Larla - I am only sending this email to you because DH didn't check his email as often so print out this email, show it to him, and make sure he calls me today.
MIL
---
Obviously I showed DH the email. DH and I agree that we should reach out to second cousin who we don't really know and don't even know how to reach her. And DH has only met her once when I met her too at a huge family reunion.
DH then thinks that we should just ignore his mom and not reply at all but I'm adamantly against it. I just want to write:
I am not DH's secretary. I am his wife. If you are not going to address me as his equal partner and wife, please do not write me again.
Larla
That line is hilarious! It has so many layers of passive aggressiveness--including your DH! Also she is flatly instructing you not to let him view the actual email but to print it out, clearly including the "DH didn't check his email" in the printout.
OP, do whatever you want, but I think you need to start a scrapbook of these!
Anonymous
04/16/2020 15:29
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:After 17 years, MIL refuses to accept that I'm DH's wife. She has flatly told him to divorce me, almost weekly encourages him to reach out to his HS gf, and generally is a complete MIL from #3!!. MIL still calls HS GF randomly and HS GF is still single and due to a lot of manipulation by MIL, is apparently waiting for DH to divorce me.
Today, I received this email from her to my account (not DH's):
----
Dear DH:
How are you? I hope you are well. I am writing to let you know that your second cousin's husband just died of COVID-29. Please call me today.
Larla - I am only sending this email to you because DH didn't check his email as often so print out this email, show it to him, and make sure he calls me today.
MIL
---
Obviously I showed DH the email. DH and I agree that we should reach out to second cousin who we don't really know and don't even know how to reach her. And DH has only met her once when I met her too at a huge family reunion.
DH then thinks that we should just ignore his mom and not reply at all but I'm adamantly against it. I just want to write:
I am not DH's secretary. I am his wife. If you are not going to address me as his equal partner and wife, please do not write me again.
Larla
Honest question from a mother of boys. How can I not become one of these mother-in-laws that all of you hate? I’m from a different culture and I don’t understand what these mother-in-laws have done to make daughter-in-laws hate them so much. Please don’t be snarky, I really want to know how to avoid becoming one of these mother-in-laws.
Serious question: Do you see nothing wrong with that email?
Anonymous
04/16/2020 15:21
Subject: Re:Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Anonymous wrote:^^^also, the most appropriate response would be to say “I’ve received your email and I will let DH know. Thank you.”[/quote]
+1 Actually, it is the most appropriate and ONLY response.
Anonymous
04/16/2020 15:19
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Anonymous wrote:OP, honestly I think this letter doesn't warrant that reaction. On face value, it's a benign letter.
I get that you have a terrible past, but if you react as you suggest and write that note, you are going to look like a fool.
Ignore.
+1
Anonymous
04/16/2020 14:08
Subject: Re:Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Honest question from a mother of boys. How can I not become one of these mother-in-laws that all of you hate? I’m from a different culture and I don’t understand what these mother-in-laws have done to make daughter-in-laws hate them so much. Please don’t be snarky, I really want to know how to avoid becoming one of these mother-in-laws.
Well for one do not send an email saying Larla - I am only sending this to you because you check your email more frequently than my son. Please give it to him.
If you can not fathom why that is a bitchy thing to do then well there is little hope for you.
Anonymous
04/16/2020 13:53
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Ignore. And don't bother your second cousin.
Anonymous
04/16/2020 13:19
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
I refuse to acknowledge you exist apart when I need you sine my own son doesn't respond to me or check his e-mail. I would not respond at all. I would not have even showed this to dh. As a matter of fact, I would send her a reply! I agree with you. My reply would be: Fu*k off and never email me again. I am only sending this to you, so you know that you are blocked from my e-mail and my phone." Heck, I might add something like I will pretend that you were taken by covid yourself!
I hope she has never seen your kids, and that your dh never sees her in his whole life. Eff the higher ground! Tell you dh that you will make his mother's wish come true if he sees the nasty biatch. Then proceed to divorce him if he does.
I hope she has never seen your kids, and that your dh never sees her in his whole life. Eff the higher ground! Tell you dh that you will make his mother's wish come true if he sees the nasty biatch. Then proceed to divorce him if he does.
Anonymous
04/16/2020 13:11
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:After 17 years, MIL refuses to accept that I'm DH's wife. She has flatly told him to divorce me, almost weekly encourages him to reach out to his HS gf, and generally is a complete MIL from #3!!. MIL still calls HS GF randomly and HS GF is still single and due to a lot of manipulation by MIL, is apparently waiting for DH to divorce me.
Today, I received this email from her to my account (not DH's):
----
Dear DH:
How are you? I hope you are well. I am writing to let you know that your second cousin's husband just died of COVID-29. Please call me today.
Larla - I am only sending this email to you because DH didn't check his email as often so print out this email, show it to him, and make sure he calls me today.
MIL
---
Obviously I showed DH the email. DH and I agree that we should reach out to second cousin who we don't really know and don't even know how to reach her. And DH has only met her once when I met her too at a huge family reunion.
DH then thinks that we should just ignore his mom and not reply at all but I'm adamantly against it. I just want to write:
I am not DH's secretary. I am his wife. If you are not going to address me as his equal partner and wife, please do not write me again.
Larla
Honest question from a mother of boys. How can I not become one of these mother-in-laws that all of you hate? I’m from a different culture and I don’t understand what these mother-in-laws have done to make daughter-in-laws hate them so much. Please don’t be snarky, I really want to know how to avoid becoming one of these mother-in-laws.
I think just remembering how you were when you were newly married with kids is a lot of it.
It's about recognizing that your son is a full adult person who is with another full adult person. Not as your baby who needs you to guide him.
Anonymous
04/16/2020 13:11
Subject: Re:Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
^^^also, the most appropriate response would be to say “I’ve received your email and I will let DH know. Thank you.”
Anonymous
04/16/2020 13:09
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Anonymous wrote:After 17 years, MIL refuses to accept that I'm DH's wife. She has flatly told him to divorce me, almost weekly encourages him to reach out to his HS gf, and generally is a complete MIL from #3!!. MIL still calls HS GF randomly and HS GF is still single and due to a lot of manipulation by MIL, is apparently waiting for DH to divorce me.
Today, I received this email from her to my account (not DH's):
----
Dear DH:
How are you? I hope you are well. I am writing to let you know that your second cousin's husband just died of COVID-29. Please call me today.
Larla - I am only sending this email to you because DH didn't check his email as often so print out this email, show it to him, and make sure he calls me today.
MIL
---
Obviously I showed DH the email. DH and I agree that we should reach out to second cousin who we don't really know and don't even know how to reach her. And DH has only met her once when I met her too at a huge family reunion.
DH then thinks that we should just ignore his mom and not reply at all but I'm adamantly against it. I just want to write:
I am not DH's secretary. I am his wife. If you are not going to address me as his equal partner and wife, please do not write me again.
Larla
Honest question from a mother of boys. How can I not become one of these mother-in-laws that all of you hate? I’m from a different culture and I don’t understand what these mother-in-laws have done to make daughter-in-laws hate them so much. Please don’t be snarky, I really want to know how to avoid becoming one of these mother-in-laws.
Anonymous
04/16/2020 13:06
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Anonymous wrote:Ignore MIL. Call cousin.
High road OP.
Agree with this. Just ignore her. If you're not his secretary, then don't respond to the instructions at all.
Anonymous
04/16/2020 13:04
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Anonymous wrote:ignore and delete. block her email address and her phone. really you don't need this and you don't need to dignify it with any kind of response
Yeah, this. Take yourself out of the loop.
Anonymous
04/16/2020 13:00
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
Anonymous wrote:ignore and delete. block her email address and her phone. really you don't need this and you don't need to dignify it with any kind of response
+1 Ignore, delete, block. If DH wants to reach out to cousin, find her number from somebody and do so.
Anonymous
04/16/2020 12:59
Subject: Re:Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
You have relayed the information to DH as the email requested. It's up to him now. Ideally, he would call his mom, get the cousin's contact info and tell his mom she can call or text him if it's an important matter. I wouldn't respond to her but I might delete future emails without reading them.
Anonymous
04/16/2020 12:58
Subject: Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death
OP, you hit "reply" to MiL and type: I have made sure DH is aware of your email.
Think of your responses as if it were an office. Info has been communicated. It is not your role to communicate it, but in a rare occasion, you comply because it's not an emotional decision - it's just getting it done. If it were a habit, you would like more about it and you would enforce a different expectation but it sounds like it won't likely happen again.
You are not in a position to tell your husband what his response, if any should be.
Think of your responses as if it were an office. Info has been communicated. It is not your role to communicate it, but in a rare occasion, you comply because it's not an emotional decision - it's just getting it done. If it were a habit, you would like more about it and you would enforce a different expectation but it sounds like it won't likely happen again.
You are not in a position to tell your husband what his response, if any should be.